Compostings (267)
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“How did you get stung on the nose?”
“I smelled a flowber.”
“There is no ‘b” in ‘flower.’”
“There was in that one.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: if everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane.
I’ve learned
1. It’s easy to line up two fence posts. Three posts are not so easy.
2. The more one knows, the greater he or she is aware of his or her level of ignorance.
3. High school reunions are proof that not everyone from your past just seemed bigger.
My neighbor
My neighbor Jon But We All Call Him John has three children. He said that he and his wife had three children so that one could keep the other two separated.
Notes from the metropolis
Hartland’s population had been 288. When the city came to its census, its numbers had boomed to 302. That’s a growth of 14 people in just 10 years. No one is sure who those 14 people are.
Table topics
The woman told me she was a vegetarian. She made sure that I understood that she was not a vegan. I understood. I commented that it must be difficult maintaining a vegetarian diet. She answered, “Not really. I eat only cheese pizza.” I understood. Some mornings I have toast with peanut butter and raisin bran cereal for breakfast. Other mornings I have raisin bran cereal and toast with peanut butter for breakfast. It depends upon my mood.
There's no sense worrying, nothing's going to turn out all right
I was in an airport far from home. I saw a woman coming towards me. She greeted me and I said “hello” in return. She smiled and said, “You don’t remember me, do you?”
I didn’t and when she asked that question, she destroyed any chance of me remembering her. It presented a combination of a faded memory and the power of suggestion that is nearly impossible to overcome. I became a clueless clown. In a perfect world, I would remember everything except the things I could afford to forget.
She told me who she was and as soon as she did, I remembered everything that I knew about her.
“How is your husband Ron?” I asked, proud to remember his name without any prompting and hoping to perform a little damage control.
She replied, “We’re divorced.”
Rough roads
There is a road near me. There are a number of roads not far from me. Some are good and some are bad. The good ones are not always good and the bad ones are not always bad. Weather, traffic, the economy, and cell phones are hard on roads. I made up the part about cell phones being hard on roads, but I wouldn’t think texting makes the roads any better. I’m writing about a particular road. It was a paved road. Now the hard surface has been removed and the road has become a gravel road with an uneven surface. It went from being a road with numerous potholes and cracks filled with tar strips that made tires cry out in pain to a road that is consistently rough and rocky. I know that there is no money to fix it and the washboard does slow speeds. There are always rough roads. Katharine Hepburn said, “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” Sometimes, we think that we are entitled to smooth roads. We are not. They are nice, but life is going to throw rough roads at us. There are times when all we can do is to live with the jolts, shudders, and bounces of a bad road. A car’s shock absorbers help absorb the bumps. A sense of humor does the same.
Nature notes
In early fall, wild animals move about searching for places to spend the winter. Take a count of the roadkill you see on the roads. The number will amaze you. Deer, raccoon, opossum, foxes, squirrels, and skunks cap our roads. I think skunks might have a sense of invulnerability because of their powerful spray and don’t pay much attention to cars. Automobiles are to skunks what Kryptonite is to Superman and they will be until a car manufacturer produces a model named the Smeller that has a nose for a hood ornament and will be able to detect skunks.
Folklore says that the first trackable snowfall will occur six weeks after the appearance of the snowbird (junco).
Meeting adjourned
There is no gratitude for a kind act not done.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“Normally, I don’t like liver and onions.”
“Really?”
“But after eating your liver and onions, I like it just as much as I ever did.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: if no one is perfect, why practice?
I’ve learned
1. Not to go to a theme park named after a landfill.
2. Not to say this to a waitress, “In case they ask at the hospital, what is this?”
3. There is nothing so inane that it cannot be made into a reality TV show.
My neighbor
My neighbor Mopey told me that he has an adult beverage before retiring each night. He called it a “good, stiff drink.” I asked if it helped him sleep.
“No,” he replied, “but it gives me a reason for feeling lousy when I wake up.”
The fishing will stink
A friend, let’s call him Hugo First, told me that a skunk got into his shed. Something irritated the skunk enough that it sprayed a boat that Hugo had stored for his son-in-law. For Hugo, there was good news and there was bad news. The bad news was that the skunk sprayed the boat. The good news was that it wasn’t Hugo’s boat.
I’ve been told
Dale Turner of Albert Lea told me that he has had both knees replaced, a hip replaced, and his heart repaired. He claims that the funeral home is suing the hospital for loss of business.
Gus Courrier of Emmons is quite a singer. Gus told me that he is such a talented vocalist that it isn’t uncommon for him to get a sitting ovation.
Jim Fisher of Zim said that he never heard the word “trillions” when he was in school. The biggest numbers were “billions.”
John Anderson lives in North Dakota. His hometown has a celebration each winter. John said that he appreciates it because it makes winter seem 10 minutes shorter.
The evolution of a marriage
From this: “Honey, are you going to wear that? It’s fine if you are. I’m just checking.”
To this: “You are not wearing that!”
School days
Back in the days when I received warnings about running in the halls and going steady involved either a boy/girl relationship or chewing the noodles in the lunchroom, I sat in a class. It was one of those days when I felt dumb at one end and dumber at the other. I had my feet in the aisle and I was chewing gum. Both were classroom sins. My teacher looked at me and said, “Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in.”
And it wasn’t a yoga class.
Watch it
People don’t wear wristwatches much anymore. A neighborhood watch program means that there is a watch in the neighborhood and people are taking turns wearing it.
Life is a bumpy road
I spoke at a gathering in Washington, DC. I had asked the guest services at the hotel to provide me with a 7 a.m. wake-up call.
I was jarred from a deep sleep by a ringing telephone. I answered it with a groggy, “Hello.” A pleasant voice on the other end said, “Good morning, Allen in room 636. It’s 4 a.m.”
I had no response, so I ended the call.
At 4:05 a.m., the phone rang again. I answered it again. It was the same pleasant voice. She asked me to please ignore her first call and that she would call back at the correct time of 7 a.m. I suspect that she did call back at 7, but I can’t be sure. I wasn’t there. I had arisen at 4.
Nature notes
When migrating, ruby-throated hummingbirds generally don’t fly high. They tend to cruise just above treetop level or slightly above waterways. Adult males are the first to migrate. Hummingbirds do not flock. Migration is an individual endeavor for a hummingbird although a bird may travel the same route as others. They migrate to Central America—from Mexico to Panama. Keep your nectar feeders (four parts water to one part sugar) employed until you see no hummingbirds. They will not stay because you’re feeding them. They migrate according to day length. Hummingbirds generally fly during the day and sleep at night. They travel at night when flying over the Gulf of Mexico because there is no place to land, so they must keep flying. The spotted jewelweed (touch-me-not) is an important plant in sustaining a hummingbird’s journey south.
Meeting adjourned
Kindness is within your power.
If grasshoppers don’t bite, what do they eat?
Written by Jim LutgensEchoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“Do you golf?”
“I do.”
“What’s your handicap?”
“That little windmill.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: two heads are better than one, but make it difficult to buy T-shirts.
I’ve learned
1. We forget what we were taught, but we remember what we learned.
2. No one washes a rented car.
3. To a wall, a door travels a lot.
The Loafers’ Club Meeting redux
The legend lives on from the Loafers’ Club on down of an ancient policeman named Hank Uft. Hank once found a dead horse on Ignaszewski Street in town. He was required to fill out a report. Hank couldn’t spell “Ignaszewski,” so he hitched the dead horse to his squad car and dragged it to Main Street. Hank said that because of the horse’s death, the local school had to drop its driver’s education program.
It wasn’t Hank Uft
It was darker than the inside of a pants pocket as I motored home from a job. Ahead of me, a police car had a vehicle pulled over. I made my intended turn right before them. As I made the turn, I saw that the other auto pulled back into the traffic lane and continued on its way. The squad car made a U-turn and then turned down the same road as I had. It was O.K. It’s a free country. Even though my driver’s education class in school was a crash course, I think of myself as a good driver. We were just two cars traveling the same road. Suddenly, there were more lights than at a night game at Yankee Stadium. Red, white, and blue. Glaring, spinning, and blinking. I pulled to the side of the road as my mind raced in an attempt to come up with a reason why I was being pulled over. The best I could come up with was that I had driven by a couple of road signs reading, “Do Not Pass.”
The officer was pleasant. I had a headlamp that was out at the same time I was.
A budding entomologist
Kim Williams of Grundy Center told her granddaughter that she need not be afraid of grasshoppers and that they didn’t bite. The 7-year-old replied, “Then how do they eat?”
Road wars
Our roads are dotted with roadkill. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the opossum that it could be done. Raccoons and Range Rovers don’t mix. Woolly bear caterpillars are squashed while attempting to forecast the upcoming winter. Butterflies bounce off bumpers. Paul Anderson of Albert Lea says that we have “deer crossing” signs but we need “squirrel crossing” signs, too. If only we could train the deer to cross by the “deer crossing” signs.
Nature notes
“What is the recipe for the solution to neutralize skunk spray on a dog?” Mix 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide, 1/2-cup baking soda, and 1-teaspoon liquid soap. Wash the sprayed animal for 5 to 10 minutes. Keep the mixture out of eyes, nose, and mouth. Rinse with tap water. This mixture is the size for a small dog. Double it for a medium-sized dog and triple for a large dog.
“I saw a big, black-and-yellow spider suspended in the center of a large web? What is it?” It will have a white, zigzagging pattern of silk running vertically beneath the spider. It is an argiope. It goes by many other names such as garden spider, writing spider, signature spider, banana spider, zipper spider, and corn spider. The zigzagging pattern of silk, called the stabilimentum, is thought to camouflage the spider, attract insect prey, or make it easy for birds to see so they won’t damage it by flying into it. The little brown males are a third the size of the females.
A common sound of fall comes from the woods. "Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep,” and “Chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck.” It continues for long periods without stop. Take a gander at a log, rock, or stump and you will likely see the singer. It’s a chipmunk. The sound carries better when the trees are freed of leaves. The chipmunk takes a break from stuffing its cheek pouches with foodstuffs in order to chime in on predator reports. Some research showed that the “cheep” warns of danger from ground predators and the “chuck” sounds the alarm to be aware of aerial predators.
Meeting Adjourned
Seneca said, “Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.”
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“You order pancakes every morning but you never eat them.”
“My saintly mother made me pancakes for breakfast every day.”
“And our pancakes aren’t as good as your mother’s?”
“I don’t know. I never ate hers either.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: whenever a person dies, it’s as if a library burned down.
I’ve learned
1. Ignorance is bliss unless you are aware of it.
2. The sun wins every staring contest.
3. I like finding things that I’m not looking for.
My neighbor
Bushelhead put in his 40th crop this year. He has learned that the secret to success in farming is to get a lot done between equipment breakdowns. The best crop he raises is rocks. The glaciers left a lot of them in his fields and a new crop emerges each year. New rocks are only a stone’s throw away. Where did the glaciers go? They went to get more rocks.
There are three kinds of rocks — pickers, sliders, and painters. Pickers are the ones you pick up and toss into the loader. Sliders are bigger and need to be slid to a point where the loader could lift them. A painter is one that is too big to move. You paint it brightly so you will be able to see it while combining. Remember, families that pick together, stick together.
The café chronicles
It was the kind of place where the waitress referred to a breakfast order as “scrambled cackles and oinks in strips.” It was the kind of place where when you ordered meatloaf and a kind word, the waitress brought the meatloaf and offered kind words, “Don’t eat the meatloaf.”
“What is the special?” I asked.
“It’s what is left over from last week.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Yes,” said the waitress, “But only the part about it being special.”
The anniversary
I had wanted her to take my name, but she was adamant that she remain a Gail and not become an Al. I’d have been married earlier, but I insisted on wearing sweater vests. A life vest keeps you from drowning. A bulletproof vest keeps you from being shot. A sweater vest keeps you from dating. It didn’t seem that long ago when my wife and I were on our first date. She was as pretty as a picture as she got into my car. The car was so rusty, she needed a tetanus shot after getting into it.
“Can you drive with one hand?” my passenger asked.
“Yes,” I replied, my mind filled with thoughts of snuggling.
“Good,” she said. “Then wipe your nose.”
We married in September and hadn’t been hitched long when we became owners of a nine-passenger sedan. One drove while eight others pushed. One day, my lovely bride asked, “Do you know what the day after tomorrow is?”
It was September. I had forgotten our anniversary. I was thankful that my wife had fired a warning shot. Eight friends pushed my car and me to a jewelry store where I bought more necklace than I could afford. Two days later, I gave the gift to my wife, saying, “I’ll bet you thought I’d forgotten.”
My wife said it was the best Labor Day of her life.
A boy remembers
The bases were loaded. Two outs in the bottom of the last inning and we trailed by two runs. I was at bat. The count was full. The pitcher was good and fast. He threw with a grunt and a snarl. I swung hard in case I hit it. I hammered the ball harder than I had ever hit one. The crowd went wild. I ran like the wind. I could see my father seated along the first baseline. He looked proud. I’ll never forget what the umpire said as I crossed first base.
“You’re out!”
Sign of the times
Roadwork next 39 years.
Is that fair?
I enjoy watching people at a fair. They are exceedingly more interesting than reality TV. The Iowa State Fair offered deep-fried butter on a stick.
Nature notes
A woolly bear caterpillar is a reliable sign that the seasons are changing. It eats dandelions in the spring and becomes an Isabella moth, a rather nondescript insect. This time of the year, we see woolly worms scurrying across roads. Folklore says that the blacker the woolly bear, the more severe the coming winter will be. The truth is that the woolly bear’s rusty band widens with age.
Meeting adjourned
There is no joy without kindness.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Cub Meeting
“Do you have any hobbies?”
“I collect insects.”
“Where do you keep your collection?”
“On the windshield of my car.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: it is easier to put up a “Bump” sign than to fix the road.
I’ve learned
1. A sweet tooth should take advice from a wisdom tooth.
2. To never disturb the turbed.
3. Life has become so complex that not even teenagers have all the answers.
My neighbor
My neighbor, Grunting Gus, used to have many trees in his yard. After the tornado hit, he had only one tree and it belonged to another neighbor. Right after the tornado, Gus bought a lottery ticket. He figured the bad luck would bring good luck. Gus told me what he would do if he won $83 million in a lottery.
“First, I’d go to the State Fair and park as close to it as possible. Then I’d replace that headlight that burned out on my car a couple of years ago. Finally, I’d buy jumper cables for everyone in my family.”
Gus is the guy who deals with telemarketers in a unique way. When one phones, he tells the caller, “I’m Amish. I can’t talk to you on a telephone.”
I wasn’t really sick
I admit it. As a boy, I would occasionally feign a stomachache. I wasn’t a hypochondriac in the making. I faked tummy trouble in order to get pop. Some call such a beverage a soft drink or a soda, but to me it was pop. Mothers favored one of two kinds of pop to bring about relief for digestive disorders. My mother preferred ginger ale. It had magical powers meant to calm a stomach. It was good and well worth a faux bellyache.
Some things are meant to happen
My cousin Marilyn Benson of Algona was worried that a maple tree might fall on her car. The tree was dying and had suffered the ravages of storms and age. When a thunderstorm was predicted, Marilyn moved her car out of reach of the maple. The wind blew and a pine tree fell on Marilyn’s car.
Where is my hammer?
There was a hammer on the roof of the house of my brother Donald’s neighbor. It had been left there after some shingle repairs had been completed. When informed of the whereabouts of his hammer, the neighbor said that the hammer was there so he would know where it was.
Why we need nationalized health insurance for cats
The woman from Mantorville told me that she had kindly taken in a stray cat. She took it to a veterinarian who neutered and declawed the feline. He gave it shots, wormed it, and worked to cure the cat of other ailments. By the time the cat was back on its feet with at least seven of its nine lives still intact, the good Samaritan was presented with a $623 vet bill.
My father liked cats. He had many of them through the years. That said, I do know what he would have called a cat with a $623 vet bill. A dead cat.
Dad knew he could get countless free cats for the dairy barn for $623.
A plethora of people
Charlie Johnson of Wells told me that over 200,000 people are added to the world’s population each day. As I drove from Des Moines to St. Cloud, I concluded that at least 200,000 drivers had been added to the highways that day alone.
Nature notes
Our summers are filled with disgruntled robins noisily expressing irritable fowl syndrome. The robin is the quintessential early bird. Its “Merrily, verily, see?” song is summer’s background music. It sings to command territory and to entice a mate. The robin’s voice is comforting like wind chimes in a breeze. Each summer morning brings the song of the robin—a sunlight of sound. Robins typically have two broods a year, with three being uncommon. If a robin was successful in raising young in a nest, she’ll sometimes build a new floor for that nest to raise another brood or may build a nest on top of one in a perfect location. Robins don't reuse a year-old nest. Old nests become frail, parasite eggs or larvae may overwinter in a nest and attack nestlings, and robins have an instinct to build a new nest each year. About 25% of hatched robins survive a year.
In gratitude
My thanks to the readers of this column that I encountered while speaking at the Freeborn County Fair, KATE Radio, Bancroft Creek Estates, KBEW Radio, Pelican Breeze, KMSU Radio, Golden K-1 Kiwanis, KTOE Radio, Cloverleaf Lions Club, Steele County Fair, Owatonna Today, Kernel Days in Wells, and Henderson Hummingbird Hurrah.
Meeting adjourned
A kind word scatters a hundred slights.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“I taught my cat to do imitations.”
“Who does it imitate?”
“Other cats.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: you can’t trust a hamburger with beets on it or a yellow light.
I’ve learned
1. To use a noisy shopping cart so that other shoppers in the supermarket can hear me coming. An aside — it must be someone’s job to mess up one wheel on every shopping cart.
2. He who limps is still walking.
3. A realist believes in miracles.
Missing the bus
I wasn’t far into my life’s journey when I hit a spell where I missed the school bus a few times. I missed the bus because I didn’t want to catch it badly enough. I knew what time I had to be at the end of our farm drive, but I didn’t always manage to beat the bus there. Life is like that. My father grew weary of driving me to school. He had a low tolerance for debt but a high tolerance for hitchhiking. That’s right, my father told me to get myself to the gravel road and thumb a ride. He gave me a verbal permission slip. They were different times when hitchhiking was an honored means of locomotion. A fellow could thumb a ride without a single shudder running up anyone’s spine.
My thumb did no work. The first car always stopped. I never needed to ask, “Can I get a ride?”
I didn’t get a single word out before a driver asked, “You need a ride?”
I offered to chip in on the gas, but my offer fell upon deaf ears. That was good. I had no money.
Kind souls got me to school. I thanked each driver many times in the belief that I could never thank anyone too much. I considered each good deed I received as a loan to be repaid. The payment plan is that I try to do good things. I’ve learned that a giver gets.
We are here to help others get to where they need to be.
There aren’t many do-it-yourself pallbearers
She had reached what she had determined to be the time of little time. She had become physically fragile. She hoped I was taking care of myself because she was running out of pallbearers. I told her that I’d give up home repairs. I don’t have the proper gear for most jobs. I know it is a poor workman who blames his tools. A glass of water makes a fine level, but do-it-yourself projects are just asking for trouble. They always end with me saying to my wife, “O.K., turn it on. Turn it off! Turn it off!”
Oh, you know, whatshisname
Names are difficult to remember. Proper nouns escape easily from experienced brains. To make matters worse, when the brain does remember an elusive name, it doesn’t always share it with the tongue. In my case, this is not surprising. When I was new to the world, there were 149 million people in the United States. Now there must be at least 311 million. No wonder I can’t remember everyone’s name.
Listen
The woman told me her family had insisted that she buy hearing aids — good ones. She purchased a pair that ran over $7000. She said that the hearing aids worked great but she worried about the cost. I assured her that she had made a wise decision. Her family wanted her to be able to hear and she needed to hear things. She countered my reasoning by saying, “I’m 93 years old. I’ve heard enough.”
Nature notes
Insects are the most common form of life on the planet and beetles the most numerous of the insects. J.B.S. Haldane was a 19th-century British biologist at a time of great scientific and religious controversy brought about by Darwin's theory of evolution. Someone asked Haldane, “What has your study taught you about the Creator?" Haldane replied, “He had an inordinate love of beetles.”
Heat lightning is the light from a thunderstorm too distant for the thunder to be heard. The term “heat lightning” comes from the fact that the effect is most often seen on the warm, humid nights of July and August. When the sky is hazy, as is typical on sultry, summer nights, lightning is reflected from a layer of haze into the night sky.
Meeting adjourned
Lord Byron wrote, “All who would win joy, must share it; happiness was born a twin.” Be kind.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“You’ve lost weight.”
“I started running. I don’t think anything of running five miles before breakfast.”
“I don’t think much of it either.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: actions speak louder than bumper stickers.
You are getting older if
1. You attend an organ recital at a hospital.
2. The image in the mirror is one of your parents.
3. You remember when there were dime stores instead of dollar stores.
Chores
One of my chores as a small boy was to walk through the potato plants growing in the peat ground of Mule Lake and pick off the potato bugs. I grabbed the pests and dropped them into a pail of soapy water. It was meaningful work and I was inspired by my love of potatoes.
One day, a bug crawled from the pail and dropped to the ground. I stepped on the escapee. It was a mashed potato bug.
Can’t coast through life
I was a whippersnapper when a friend told me that he turned off the engine of his car when he coasted into the driveway of his home. He wanted to park the car near the garage while making as little noise as possible. Parents are funny about late hours. Most of them said things like, “Nothing good ever happens after midnight.”
I thought about trying to coast into my yard, but the driveway was uphill from mailbox to parking place.
Baseball
A neighboring school had gotten a pitching machine. I’d never used one before, but when the opponents’ coach allowed us to try it; I found my way to the head of the line of batters.
“Put on a helmet,” the coach barked at me.
I did as ordered.
The machine’s first pitch hit me on the rear. I needed a bigger helmet.
A ministerial miscalculation
The pastor told me that he had been asked to visit a hospitalized parishioner who was not much of a church goer. He didn’t know her well, but was pleased to pay her a visit. He checked at the desk in the hospital, learned the room number, and knocked on an opened door before entering. He introduced himself and the woman seemed pleased to see him. They talked about the things you talk about in such visits — the weather, family, health. The pastor couldn’t believe how the woman had changed. She didn’t look anything like he remembered. When it came time for him to leave, he told her that he would be back and hoped he would see her in church when she got out of the hospital. The woman thanked him for visiting, but said she wouldn’t likely be attending his church. She never missed church — the Baptist church. The pastor was Lutheran. He had visited the wrong room.
The winds came early
The fellow from Glencoe shared a story of a tornado that had hit his farm. He said that he had taken down an old concrete stave silo right before the winds hit. A neighbor dropped by a few days after the storm. The visitor looked at the empty spot once occupied by the silo.
“Isn’t that amazing?” said the neighbor. “It took every block.”
The man said that he should have told his neighbor the truth and he meant to, but the subject never came up again.
Thermostat wars
The latest peace talks ended this way, “Oh, you’re not hot. You just think you’re hot.”
A sign of the times
Seen on a small-town business, “Open as many as five days a week from 9 to 5, more or less.
From the friendly files of the Freeborn Frisbee
An article written by Les Seath for The Community Magazine in 1951. “The census of 1860 recorded…Hartland township had 434 acres under cultivation and grew a lot of wheat, 3127 bushels, (and) 1520 bushels of corn.”
Nature notes
The cicada killer is a solitary wasp up to 2 inches long with a black body marked with yellow across the thorax and abdomen. The wasps appear in July and August. Cicada killer wasps dig holes in bare areas of lawns, gardens, flowerbeds, golf course sand traps, and sand volleyball courts. The males do not sting. The females can sting, but are difficult to provoke. They feed on flower nectar and sap. Cicada killer females sting and paralyze cicadas. The female wasp straddles its prey, flies off with it, and caches it in a burrow. The wasp lays a single egg in the paralyzed, still living cicada and seals the tunnel. When the egg hatches, the wasp grub eats the cicada. Cicadas are large insects, sometimes improperly called "locusts," that drone loudly in the trees during summer.
Meeting adjourned
Make a good day. Be kind.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“You’re late.”
“Sorry, I forgot to set my alarm clock ahead for Daylight Saving Time.”
“You were supposed to do that in March.”
“Wow! I’m later than I thought.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors— both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: who has time to procrastinate?
Things I’ve learned
1. If pudding is on the salad bar, it’s a vegetable.
2. It’s never the right temperature outside.
3. A person can never have too many passwords.
Cereal box cards
There were baseball cards on the backs of Post breakfast cereal boxes. I pestered my mother into buying Post cereal. She was happy to oblige. She knew that cereal was better for me than the bubble gum that came with other kinds of baseball cards. I wanted to grab a scissors and cut the cards from the boxes as soon as they got into the house, but I was ordered to wait until the box was emptied of the cereal first. I ate a lot of Post cereals. Duplicate baseball cards were traded or ended their lives clothespinned to the spokes of my bicycle as I pretended it was a motorcycle. I could get riboflavin and niacinamide with other cereals, but with Post, I got baseball cards. And the cards were loaded with fiber.
The boat swallows
I was speaking on a tour boat on a lovely lake. As we left the dock, barn swallows had a collective cow. I quickly discovered the reason for the swallows’ distress. Two young barn swallows, newly fledged, were stowaways. The parents followed the boat for some distance before giving up and heading back to shore. The juvenile swallows perched silently upon a boat’s speaker and gazed at their shipmates. When the short tour ended and the boat returned to the dock, it was greeted by loud and happy sounds of not only the parent swallows but also of their friends and neighbors. The baby swallows chirped gleefully in response.
Uffda
The woman told me her daughter reported that her brother had said “Uffda” in school.
The mother was unsure as to why that was a problem.
“He can’t say that there,” said the daughter.
“Why not?” asked the mother.
The daughter sighed and replied, “He goes to a Christian school.”
A retired teacher likely said “Uffda” when she received a note from one of her former grade school students. He had probably taken a seminar that told him to send a note of appreciation to those who had bettered his life. Perhaps he’d had a life-changing event. Anyway, he sent her a note and referenced a school play from long ago. His note ended, “Thanks for letting me be a tree.”
Revenge is best served with weeds
The woman said that when she was a girl, the man next door was a cantankerous sort who screamed at any child who set foot upon his meticulous lawn. If a ball rested for a moment in his yard, he kept it forever.
She enacted her revenge upon the man by blowing the seed heads of dandelions in the direction of his perfect lawn.
It’s not the heat, it’s the temperature
I turned off the lights in my office and peered outside into the darkness. I put many lights in my office because I feared the windows would let in a lot of dark. The darkness looked hot. Not long before dusk, the temperature read 91 degrees — without the windchill factor.
The summer has been hot. I’ve been hotter. I fell for the “it’s a dry heat” line and worked in Yuma, Arizona. The temperatures there could best be described as volcanic. They hit numbers unknown to my home thermometer. My saliva evaporated the minute I stepped outdoors. The residents of Yuma were pleasant. They constantly reminded me that it was a dry heat. So is the inside of a microwave oven, but I’m not sure I could live there.
Nature notes
Common mullein is a biennial, taking two years to bloom. It grows seven feet high, has bright yellow flowers on a spike, and is also called flannel leaf or torch plant. Settlers brought mullein from Europe. Leaves of mullein were used as lamp wicks, placed inside shoes for warmth, and Quaker women, forbidden to use makeup, rubbed leaves on their cheeks to give the appearance of rouge. Romans used plants dipped in fat as torches and it was smoked in the treatment of coughs.
In gratitude
I encountered customers of this column while I spoke to Our Gang from Waseca, Faribault County Fair, Iowa Storytelling Festival, Hormel Nature Center, Hidden Creek, Evie’s Travel, and Leisure Tours. Thank you for being readers.
Meeting adjourned
A kind remark never requires an apology.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“Would you like a glass of water?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Would you like anything else to drink? We offer a number of fine beverages.”
“Water is fine. I just want to rinse out a few things.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: never judge a book by its movie.
Things I’ve learned
1. You are full-grown if you grunt whenever you bend over to pick up something.
2. Thanks to Wii, it’s possible to become stiff and sore while pretending to play tennis.
3. Casinos remind us that there are more ways for money to be lost than won.
School days
I had a box that held eight crayons. I moved up to a box of 16 crayons. I was envious of the kids who had 48 crayons in a box or 64 crayons. Eventually, I became the proud owner of a box of 64 crayons. It was the highlight of my senior year.
The dumpster
I was eating sweet corn on a sweltering day. The temperature is never right. The corn was a meal fit for a king. Maybe too good for royalty. I had purchased the ears from a roadside vendor. You know the kind. An old truck, a hand-painted “Sweet corn” sign, and a young person selling corn and working on a tan. I had the seller pick out the ears. I did that in case the corn wasn’t good. Then it wouldn’t be my fault. As I munched away, I looked outside at a dumpster in my yard. The dumpster was there because we were getting a new roof. A storm had destroyed the old roof. The dumpster was being filled with the remains of that old roof. When the job was completed, the dumpster was not quite full. I filled it with the flotsam and jetsam of other projects. It’s impossible not to fill a dumpster.
Going to college with cockroaches
A day is like one of those pizza by-the-slice places. Everybody gets a slice but no one gets the same one.
I lived in a condemned building in Minneapolis. A prominent sign on the front door said, “Unfit for human habitation.” That meant that it was O.K. to rent to college students. It was the first place I ever saw a cockroach. I saw countless cockroaches there. My roommate would get up in the middle of the night and use my shoes to smash the cockroaches on the wall.
When it came time to move to a building that was not yet condemned, the landlord told me that I needed to make sure I left the apartment the way I had found it.
It wasn’t easy finding enough cockroaches to replace all those that my roommate had killed.
He wasn’t the Avon man
As a boy, I wasn’t sure that my mother ever slept. She was up before me in the morning, no matter how early I arose. She went to bed after me, no matter how late I stayed awake.
I thought about that as a farmer named Roger told me a story of when he was a young man, long before he became a CBA (he defined it--Corn, Beans, Arizona).
Roger was saying goodnight to the young woman he was dating. She would become his wife. It was past midnight and the two were kissing at the front door of her house. All parents know that nothing good happens after midnight. Roger was so focused on smooching that he didn’t hear her mother come downstairs. His future mother-in-law snarled, “What do you want, Roger?”
Roger had no answer.
His elbow had been leaning against the doorbell.
Nature notes
“How many broods does a tree swallow have?” Tree swallows typically have only one brood per season, unless a nest attempt fails. They will renest in such a case. Another bird that inhabits bluebird nest boxes, the black-capped chickadee, also has one brood each year.
“Do fake owls discourage birds?” No. Crow hunters use fake owls to attract birds.
“Why do turtles cross roads?” To get to the Shell station. Typically, it's a female turtle crossing the road to find warm, gravelly soil that is conducive for digging. This is where she lays her eggs.
Meeting adjourned
Leo Buscaglia said, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
After all these years, lightning bugs are magic
Written by Jim LutgensEchoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“Are you telling the truth?”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“Constantly.”
“Well, there’s your answer.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: gravity makes sure that life isn’t easy for anyone.
Things I’ve learned
1. If you pour strong coffee into a toilet, the toilet’s handle jiggles itself.
2. The goal of the last conference speaker of the day is to finish early.
3. I can stand a lot of pain as long as it’s not mine.
A left turn isn’t right
UPS delivers millions of packages and documents each day. I see those signature brown UPS trucks everywhere. I read a New York Times article relating that UPS has operating procedures to avoid making left turns as much as possible. This practice is meant to save the gas used while idling in preparation of making a left hand turn.
I followed a UPS truck that made two left hand turns ahead of me. We made up most of the vehicles on the road, so it spent no time idling while waiting for traffic to clear. I made two right turns and three left turns to take me to a supermarket. I pushed a shopping cart down the aisles while attempting to make nothing but right turns. I didn’t wait for a single traffic light to change, but I don’t think it increased the cart’s gas mileage. It was sample day at the supermarket. Nice folks took positions in areas of heavy traffic in the store and offered free samples of foodstuffs. I found myself at the corner of “bread/buns, soup, dry beans, saltines, broth, lunch meats” and “ketchup/mustard, vinegar, canning supplies, pickles/olives, salad dressing, mayo,” enjoying a mini-slice of pizza. I was multi-tasking — shopping and supping. The truth be told, the only reason husbands shop for food, other than necessity, is because it is sample day. When it comes to free samples, husbands know which way to turn.
I ran after the first shot
We were co-leaders of a birding tour that had found a good bird in North Dakota. We needed to do a celebratory something. He went for the high five. I went for a handshake. He went for the low slap. I went for the fist bump. We settled on a lift of the chins as a, “Nice.” Only the latter was what we both expected.
I was new to the school experience. We lined up in the gym for immunizations. I was the first in line for my grade. I’m not sure why. I had pretended to be brave about the upcoming shot (they gave us too much notice) for so long, that I had become brave. A friend from the grade ahead of me was first in line, just ahead of me. She was brave about everything. Nothing frightened her — not even vocabulary tests or hotdishes with secret ingredients. The doctor gave her the shot in her arm and she smiled in defiance — until the needle broke. Her calm smile turned into a terrified scream. My bravery deserted me and I made a run for it. My teacher caught me by the scruff of my neck. She wore high heels, but she was quick in them. I didn’t expect any of that.
Lightning bugs
When I was a tot, I discovered lightning bugs. Sensation came first, followed by perception. I thought it was magic. Then I learned about fireflies. Now when I see tiny lights traveling through my yard, I know that it is magic.
Tornado tales
The tornado had not left him with much. He rebuilt. It was a slow process. I asked him how it was going. He told me that the new shed that was replacing the one destroyed by winds was a dandy. He explained that a door on his old shed had not been situated properly to be of much use. The new shed had a door that was just right. He smiled. We are a resilient lot.
Nature notes
Some roadsides are blue. The flowers are chicory, best known for being an alternative to coffee. A German folk legend tells of a young couple who parted. The young maiden went each morning to the road where she had separated from her betrothed and awaited his return from a voyage. She eventually succumbed to despair and died by the side of the road. Chicory grew at that spot. Chicory opens its flowers in the morning and closes them at night.
In gratitude
I encountered readers of this column while speaking for Huntington’s Disease Association, Farm America, St. John’s Home, Farm Bureau, Relay For Life, and Janesville Chamber of Commerce. I visited with readers at Cobb Creek Vineyard’s Camp Courage fundraiser and Farm & City Days. Thanks for reading.
Meeting adjourned
Wisdom speaks in kind words.
More...
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“I couldn’t sleep last night. My stomach bothered me.”
“Did you take anything for it?”
“Sure, the firehouse chili and the large pizza right before going to bed.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: if something can be misunderstood, it will be.
Things I’ve learned
1.”You’re doing it wrong” are the hardest words not to say.
2. A slissue is a sleeve on which a child wipes his or her nose.
3. No matter what Shirley Temple said, a lollipop doesn’t make a good ship.
Dog Days
An indigo bunting sang to announce the new day. The tiny bird is a robust singer even on the hottest of days. The Dog Days are the 40 days beginning July 3 and ending August 11, coinciding with the rising of the Dog Star, Sirius. It is called the Dog Star because it is the brightest star in the constellation Canis Major. Sirius is so bright that the ancients believed that the light from the star was responsible for the heightened summer heat. The Dog Days are reminders to put the snow shovels away. The 4th of July was originally the beginning of July. The proclamation was “From this day forth it will be July.”
Fair days
I work at a number of fairs each year. I enjoy the opportunity. In a landscape dotted with deep-fried foodstuffs on-a-stick, I would love to see a pudding vendor. Simple things like tapioca or vanilla pudding would upgrade a fair day.
No mow
It was time to mow the lawn — again. I had just mowed it. I don’t know how long my lawn can go between manicures but I would love to find out. The average American yard contains 8.5 million individual blades of grass. I hear rumors that there is a variety of lawn grass that never needs mowing. That would leave my lawnmower unemployed, but it would find work. Like the duck said, “If it doesn’t rain, I’ll have to walk.” I could drive the mower to work. Grass that never needs mowing! That’s silly. Why would anyone want something like that? And where could I get some?
A long haul
A friend retired recently. He had worked for the same company for 49 years. I asked if he had enjoyed his job. I thought he must have to have worked there that long.
He told me that he had liked his job.
My next question was, “Then why didn’t you hang in there until you had 50 years?”
He replied, “I didn’t like the job that much.”
The passion pit
In my time as a boy, there was a drive-in movie theater not far from our farm. It was called the “passion pit.” Some folks claimed that nothing on the screen ever matched the goings-on in the parked cars. I don’t know if that was true, but I do know that the movie stopped working one night and it was 40 minutes before anyone complained.
The café chronicles
I met with a man who lived outside of town. His pickup carried a bumper sticker reading, “Cover me. I’m switching lanes.” There weren’t many lanes to switch from or to where we met in front of the café. We went into the eatery, sat down, and ordered pie. He was an easy friend. We ate while talking about what we weren’t eating. He told me that he was a board member of a local organization and that all of those on the board were farmers. He said it was a group with more than a crumb of common sense. When it was time to meet to transact official business during a busy spring, they met when it rained.
Nature notes
Gene Wagner of Stacyville asks what eaglets are up to when they flap their wings while jumping up and down on the nest? A young bald eagle begins flight training by raising its wings over its back, flapping them, and jumping. This action increases gradually until at eight weeks of age, it’s capable of rising two feet or more in the air. At 11-12 weeks, the eaglet, often aided by a stiff breeze, is capable of flight. Eaglets require practice to develop the muscle coordination necessary for confidence in flight.
In gratitude
I delighted in meeting readers of this column while I spoke at Hidden Creek, Good Samaritan Center, Thornecrest, Parkview Home, Oak Park Place, Waseca’s Chautauqua, Pelican Breeze, and Memorial Day Services in New Richland. Thank you.
Meeting adjourned
Saint Francis of Assisi said, “Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.”
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“Did you find out what’s wrong with my car?”
“There’s nothing wrong with your car.”
“If I’d have known that, I could have fixed it myself.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: if you can’t cook, don’t criticize another’s cooking.
Things I’ve learned
1. If someone tells you not to drink the water, don’t drink the water.
2. Vampires encourage kids to read books.
3. Someone looks up the word “dictionary” in a dictionary.
My neighbor
My neighbor Dan Druff told me that the last time he played hide-and-seek, he was a small boy, and he was it. He never found anyone so he is still it. So don’t hide around him. He says that a man needs to romance his wife. That’s why he puts his dirty clothes near the hamper.
Wisdom gleaned from nursing home visits
1. Don’t save your best teeth for the graveyard.
2. Never miss a chance to go for a walk.
3. Always carry a handkerchief.
In a handbasket
There was a spot on our farm where I went to yell. I could yell from anywhere on the farm, but this one place offered an echo. It was a duet yourself kit.
One day I hollered something that I had heard regularly as a boy. I heard it at the café, the hardware store, and the elevator.
“The world is going to hell in a handbasket.”
I tried to picture naughty people sitting in burning handbaskets. The problem was that I wasn’t sure what a handbasket was. The closest I could come was a bushelbasket. The cartoon bubble over my head showed a bad guy in a bushelbasket surrounded by flames.
When I yelled, “The world is going to hell in a bushelbasket,” the echo agreed with me.
Blue Cross wouldn’t cover it
It was toast buttered, salted, and/or peppered to taste, and then covered with warm milk. It was something eaten by a sick person. Proponents claimed that it went down easy. I never found that to be true. I think it was because of the name of the concoction. Graveyard stew.
The tree house
We built a tree house. We placed the crudely built structure in a solid tree. It wasn’t a tall tree, but it spread wide and grew in a manner that invited the presence of a tree house. The only things that looked like ants from up in that tree house were ants.
We had guinea fowl that patrolled the area under the tree house. They were of the pearl variety — gray with small white spots. Studies have shown that guineas are consumers of ticks. We liked guineas. Anything that eats a tick is worth having around. The females called, “Come back, come back, come back.” The male and female guineas were good watchbirds. They made loud and long alarm cries at the slightest disturbance. Most were false alarms. They constantly alerted us to the invisible, nomadic people moving through the farm. My father believed that those cries would drive rats away. Lucky us, we had rats, ticks, and guinea fowl that we called “guinea hens.”
From the bleachers
I was watching 10-year-old girls play fastpitch softball. It’s a great game and the girls give me hope. During the game, a man came from a house near the field and walked his leashed dog across the outfield. The outfielders at these games do not play deep, so the man and dog had room to roam. The dog stopped in centerfield and did one of those things that a dog does. It completed the higher number of the two acts you are considering. The man had a baggie and scooped the poop. No one applauded, but it was something you would never see at Target Field.
Nature notes
It’s a myth that daddy longlegs are the world’s most poisonous spiders. Spiders are venomous, not poisonous. Venomous animals store toxins internally and release them by biting or stinging. Poisonous animals typically secrete toxins through their skin so that whatever creature bites or touches them is poisoned. The daddy longlegs we have here isn’t a spider. It’s a harvestman — an arachnid that has no fangs, no venom, and produces no silk.
Damselfly or dragonfly? Damselflies appear slim and dainty. While at rest, they fold their wings above their back. Dragonflies are larger and at rest, hold their wings outstretched and flat.
Meeting adjourned
Be kind. Never look down on anyone you are not helping up.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“What’s that whistling noise?”
“My wife hates it when I beat her at Scrabble.”
“What does that have to do with that whistling?”
“I have a Scrabble tile stuck up my nose.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: Everyone should have to wear a nametag. It would make remembering names easier.
Things I’ve learned
1. By the time I get used to being an age, I’m not it anymore.
2. Whenever I buy something with a credit card, I want to sign the slip when I need to sign the screen and I want to sign the screen when I need to sign the slip.
3. Perfection is always flawed.
Have you ever wondered?
1. Can bedbugs be in a couch?
2. Does Egypt have Cairopractors?
3. Why it’s called "after dark" when it's really “after light”?
The history of hugging
My family was not of the hugging variety. We hugged only at funerals and airports. And we never went to an airport. Hugging was like the good china. It was used only for special occasions. I have become a hugger over time and I have noticed that some huggers delight in hugging those people who don’t enjoy hugging. Some hugging victims get the look of a stray cat being bathed.
The song on the radio
I listened to the radio as I traveled long. I listen to the radio so I don’t have to listen to the loud music coming from other vehicles. The radio is company while driving. Sometimes I change stations until I find the one reporting the best weather. It becomes a challenging game. Stations come and go during travel. They fade in the distance. The music coming from my car’s radio wasn’t the kind I favored but the station’s signal was strong, so I stuck with it. I was in a part of the country where the radio reception was not the best, so I listened to what I could get. County lines passed to the accompaniment of lame songs. Forgettable or unreadable signs flashed by. Suddenly, in the midst of all the dismal music, one of my favorite songs was playing. On an endless drive on dark roads, the music lifted my heart and invigorated my spirit. For a moment, I felt as if I had earned the good by listening to the bad. Serendipity is hearing a song I love on the radio. I waited for another. Then I was home.
A married couple tells a story
“We had these wonderful neighbors, Jim and Katherine.”
“Tim and Kathleen.”
“They lived in the next house east of us when we lived on Oak Street.”
“Elm Street.”
“Jim drove a Pontiac.”
“Tim drove a Chevrolet.”
“One night, Jim backed his Pontiac right into the wall of our house.”
“One night, Tim backed his Chevrolet right into the wall of our garage.”
“That was back in 1976.”
“That was in 1978.”
“His car was brand new.”
“His car was four years old.”
“I’ll never forget that day. Jim got out of the car and sang, ‘My Way.’”
“Tim got out of his car and said, ‘The garage was in my way.’”
“Yes, I remember it like it was yesterday.”
“It was 1978.”
The 4th of July
If you can fry an egg on the linoleum on your kitchen floor, your air conditioning may not be working. The 4th of July gives entry to hot, humid weather. It’s a time of the year when we discover that is the heat and it is the humidity. We don’t live in a world where the weather always agrees with us. We talk about weather because it’s much easier to talk about than feelings. We spend a lot of time forgiving weather, even though it asks for no forgiveness. Weather aside, the 4th of July is a memory prompt. We need reminders as to how lucky we are.
Nature notes
Birds forage more efficiently in flocks than as individuals. Numerous eyes find food faster. A flock’s many eyes and vigilant members detect predators. Flocks under attack gather into tight flight formations and make twists and turns that confuse raptors. The center is the safest position because raptors typically attack individuals on the edge of a flock. The safest spot in a roost is in the middle. The older, more dominant birds assume the safer interior spots, leaving younger, less dominant birds to the more vulnerable, peripheral positions.
Meeting adjourned
Kindness multiplies.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“How do you like the pie?”
“Filling.”
“Thank you.”
“No, I mean that I just lost one in the pie.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: I’m happy when an antsy driver zooms past me. I’d rather he be ahead of me than behind me.
Things I’ve learned
1. Boarding an airplane makes a person need to go to the bathroom.
2. Into each life a little rain must fall. Especially if the roof leaks.
3. Wife isn’t fair.
Those thrilling days of yesteryear
I came into the house as a boy who loved exploring the world by getting as much of the world on me as possible. I’d been investigating one of the sloughs that dotted our farm and it was impossible to do that without becoming covered in mud.
Mother had guests as I tramped into the kitchen. I looked like a wild boy raised by crawdads. Apparently, a guest raised an eyebrow because my mother said loud enough for all to hear, “Dirt doesn’t hurt.”
It’s on my resume
I was a college student during the day and worked at a gas station nights. It was a full-service enterprise. I pumped the fuel of choice for happy motorists. I checked the air in the tires, measured the engine’s oil level, inspected the radiator, gave directions, told jokes, and washed the windshield and the windows. That’s how I got the job. The fellow before me was fired because he wouldn’t do windows.
Café chronicles
It was nearly noon when I walked into the restaurant. Once seated, I became all too aware of the fact that I was the only customer in the establishment. Did everyone else know something I didn’t know? Maybe the cook went out for lunch. A waitress took my order. Time passed and the waitress returned with a plate and asked me, “Are you the turkey?”
I didn’t know how to answer that question. Everyone else knew what I did not, so I qualified as a turkey, but I didn’t order turkey. I had ordered a beef commercial.
I waited alone for my beef commercial.
Destructive forces at work
I stepped on an anthill the other day. I didn’t mean to. There were so many of them that it was hard not to step on one. I felt guilty about it. They are such industrious creatures, poring over blueprints before laboring long and hard in building a home. Then along I come and step on it. I could almost hear tiny ant voices saying, “Oh, man!” I suspect that once an anthill is completed, the ants begin worrying about the Big Foot in the sky.
The Underdeck Zoo
My wife and I have a deck on our home. For those who live in the country, a deck is a word meaning “zoo.” One day, there was a chipmunk, groundhog, skunk and raccoon under the deck. True, the raccoon was dead, but it still made its presence known. The star of the show was the chipmunk. It scurried up the downspout of an eaves trough in order to escape humans. There it could have hidden unnoticed by human eye. Except that once inside the spout, it chipped loudly. A chip amplified by the downspout.
Nature notes
The boy told me that hotdogs were growing in a marsh. Cattails grow in wetlands. The spikes resemble hotdogs, but each one is thousands of tiny flowers. Native American tribes used them for bedding, pillows, bandages, and diapers. Modern Americans have used them for insulation, lifejackets, and soundproofing. The leaves of cattails are used to weave baskets, mats, and chair seats. Cattail marshes provide nesting habitat for rails, bitterns, coots, wrens, sparrows, and blackbirds. Muskrats feed on and use cattails to construct their houses that Canada geese often use as nest sites. Cattail marshes act as natural water filters.
From the mailbag
Alan Walter of Carrollton, OH writes, “While widening an entrance to an abandoned field at my farm, I got into old woven and barbed wire that was installed in the 1960s. It was smashed to the ground and rusty but still too strong to break by hand without considerable effort and multiple back-and-forth bending cycles on each strand. Why is it that things that you'd like to rust away won't and things that you don't want to (like your truck) do?”
Meeting adjourned
Henry Ward Beecher wrote, “Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation.” Be kind.