Compostings (267)
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“How is your back?”
“Better.”
“Better than yesterday?”
“Better you not ask.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: if I can smile, I am not poor.
Things I’ve learned
1. If you want peace and quiet, get a phoneless cord.
2. Neighbors mow either too early or too often.
3. Depending upon the subject, everyone has a short attention span.
How to talk like us
“Cornsupnice.”
That’s the way we say “hello” in the spring in corn country.
My neighbor
My neighbor Stu Pendose considers himself a chef. His specialty is grilled venison — a deer that has been hit by his Dodge. The old Dodge doesn’t dodge much. Stu has retired. That gives him time to tell me about things. He decided to celebrate his retirement by traveling. He hadn’t done much of it, so he purchased a new suitcase. I told him that man was meant to fly but luggage was not. He waited in the baggage claim area after walking five miles uphill through an airport the size of Duluth. As he watched countless bags journey along the carousel, it occurred to Stu that he could not remember what his new bag looked like.
My familial fridge
The refrigerator I grew up with had three climate zones. Things placed near the rear of the fridge became icy. Items placed in the middle of the shelves were cooled to the extent that they were supposed to be. Foodstuffs situated in the front of the shelves, near the door, were warmed. We didn’t have a microwave oven. We warmed things in our refrigerator.
Mr. Dillon
A famous Minnesotan died recently. James Arness, who played Marshal Matt Dillon on Gunsmoke. Gunsmoke premiered in 1955 and ran as a regular TV series until 1975. John Wayne was 6-foot-4. James Arness was 6-foot-7. Miss Kitty looked up to Marshal Dillon.
Junk drawer
It was a severed arm of a toy superhero offered with a kid’s meal at a fast food restaurant. It was the first thing I came across in my junk drawer. A junk drawer is any drawer that will not open because there is a roll of duct tape preventing it from doing so. To open the drawer, it must be jiggled until something falls out the back. The next item I pulled from the flotsam and jetsam was an air freshener in need of freshening. Then in rapid order came Tic Tacs that had melted into a clump, keys for missing locks, a broken ceramic dog showing dried glue from an aged repair attempt, an unsigned thank you card, a pink birthday cake candle, and twist ties beyond number. Random things piled in a drawer. Maybe I’ll have an annual junk drawer sale.
Those thrilling days of yesteryear
I had an Etch A Sketch when I was a boy. I drew boxes. I was a minimalist architect-in-training. I had Silly Putty. It came inside an egg. We didn’t have the kind of chickens that produced Silly Putty eggs, so I had to buy them at Sibilrud’s Store. Silly Putty stretched and bounced. It could copy the image of printed material. I pressed it against Pogo in the newspaper comics. Pogo’s likeness magically appeared on the putty. It wasn’t digital but it was there.
Café chronicles
The café has 12 tater tots in their tater tot hotdish--that's nearly a dozen. Drinking coffee isn't an experience. It's an obligation. The coffee is like motor oil without the delicate bouquet. Refills are free except on Tuesdays when they are half the usual price. The mugs are so big that there is a lifeguard on duty. Stop and smell the air freshener—it’s cooked cabbage-scented.
Nature notes
The rosy fingers of the sun cause the world to blink awake. I hear the voice of an invisible singer and the world begins anew. A robin calls, “Merrily, verily, see.”
Birds endeavor to out-sing one another—attempting to find a place in the choir. Birdsong is enchanting and serene, yet provides enough mysteries to last a lifetime.
I hear the "cheer-cheer-cheer-pretty-pretty-pretty," call of the cardinal. It gives me goose bumps on a hot day.
I listen to the indigo bunting sing, “What, what? Where, where? Here, here. See it, see it?” The indigo bunting is a beautiful bird that offers mystique from afar and beauty when near. It sings on the hottest of days.
It calls once more.
Hearts sing. Souls dance.
Pelican Breeze
Please take a tour of Albert Lea Lake with me on June 26, July 17, August 14, or September 25. Call 507-383-2630 to book a seat.
Meeting adjourned
A kind word is a perfect day.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“May I help you?”
“I need a dollar’s worth of gas.”
“Eat a radish.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: if anyone has ever offered you a penny for your thoughts, you know their value.
Things I’ve learned
1. Teach a man to fish and he will opt for an early retirement.
2. Happiness is making the least of the worst and the most of the least.
3. A true friend stands beside you when you are beside yourself.
You’re getting older
1. If your life were a slice of pizza, it would be with anchovies.
2. If it feels like the Wheel of Fortune fell on you.
3. If your favorite alphabet soup comes in the large print version.
On the job
What do you do when your zipper breaks?
I was at a banquet when my zipper broke. It wasn’t just a banquet. It was a banquet that I was speaking at. My broken zipper and I.
I wondered what to do. Do I try to keep it a secret? Do I tell everyone?
I opted for borrowing a safety pin from an employee in the banquet hall. I pinned the zipper so that it didn’t look as if the cows were getting out — too much.
I gave the talk — a talk I had just begun when the safety pin broke.
A traveling man
My wife and I were visiting Israel. We were staying in Jerusalem. Each morning, I wandered outside and found the newspaper vendor. I wanted a newspaper to read with my breakfast. The vendor was an 80-year-old fellow with 12 children. He sold a number of different newspapers that were arranged on the sidewalk, each stack held in place by a large rock. Before I purchased my International Herald Tribune, the 80-year-old guy would lift me off the ground to show me what a diet based on falafel could do. He claimed chickpeas made muscles like no other food was capable of doing.
He told me that he wanted to visit the United States. He wanted to spend a week here and visit my home in Minnesota, the Grand Canyon, Alaska, Yellowstone, Disney World, Hollywood, Yankee Stadium, etc. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he couldn’t see all that he wanted to see even if he had his own Learjet.
Israel is not much larger than New Jersey, our fifth smallest state.
He told me that when he comes to Minnesota, he would deliver my newspaper.
Falling off a log
I fell off a log once.
I was jumping from one log to another. Both logs were wet. So were my shoes. I slipped. I fell. I escaped uninjured.
It’s the only thing I’ve ever done that was as easy as falling off a log.
Nature notes
“What do opossums eat?” Just about anything. Carrion, berries, corn, small birds, eggs, insects, small rodents, garbage, and pet food are on the menu. They eat both birdseed and suet. They are able climbers. The opossum is an interesting animal. When confronted, it will hiss, growl, and show its 50 teeth, but "plays dead" when threatened. This response is involuntary.
“I have seen trumpeter swans with a reddish/rust color on their heads. Is that a breeding plumage?” The feathers are stained rust-brown from contact with ferrous minerals in wetland soils.
“What is Canada’s national bird?” It’s not the Canada goose, Canada jay, Canada warbler, or the loonie. Canada does not have a national bird.
From the mailbag
Knowles Dougherty sends along three things he has learned. 1. When in doubt, deduct it. 2. If you can't determine which of two tools to take to a job, take them both. 3. Your mind may forget why you went into another room, but your feet seldom do.
Meeting adjourned
Willard and Marilyn Gerdts of Waldorf were kind enough to send along this bit of poetry they came across. It is titled, “Pay it forward.”
“Do an act of kindness, to your fellow man. Do an act of kindness every time you can. And if you do a good deed every single day, the world will be a better place, in every single way. So do the deed you know you should. It can only work for good. Be thoughtful of your fellow man, and pay it forward when you can. And if you do that kindness, you will find it’s true. Two people will be happier, and one of them will be you.”
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“My cousin is having his tonsils put back in.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Because his insurance will pay for it.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: Congress is where someone speaks, says nothing, nobody listens, and they all disagree.
Things I’ve learned
1. I don’t believe in astrology. I think it’s because I’m a Pisces.
2. I had all of the answers once. Now I have all of the questions.
3. If you want someone to hear his or her name, whisper it.
You’re getting older
1. If by the time you get used to a change, it has changed again.
2. If you’ve never forgotten an important thing — at least not that you can remember.
3. If you carry more than you should because you worry that if you make a second trip, it might not be a round trip.
The perils of painting
I remember when, “Don’t let the bedbugs bite,” was a cute saying, not a warning. My mother said that before tucking me in each night. In the winter, I nestled comfortably under an aged quilt the weight of an army tank in a room nearly as cold as the outdoors. The windows in my bedroom grew frost so thick that they made better doors than windows. I grew up in an old farmhouse built without such niceties as insulation or central heating. My mother didn’t see a new house in her future, so she painted the old one repeatedly. After a restful night’s sleep, I would stumble downstairs to a living room of a different color than it had been the night before. I’m not sure when she slept. She was perfectly capable of coloring her own world, but I sometimes helped my mother paint a room. She favored a white paint of one of 2,143 varying shades of white offered at Einar’s Hardware. I wore white clothes to match the paint. I needn’t have done that. I wouldn’t have employed a brush for long before whatever color clothing I was wearing would have become white. I was an enthusiastic but sloppy painter. I needed flesh-colored paint to match me.
Café chronicles
I ordered the special and drifted off into a pleasant state of salivation as I waited for the meal to arrive. The waitress returned with bad news. They were out of the special. I was Charlie Brown about to kick the football. She was Lucy, pulling the football away at the last moment. She recommended another meal. The replacement food was divine and I enjoyed epicurean delights of the utmost degree while other diners talked on cell phones. Jimmy Fallon said, “A new study found that the average child is more likely to own a cell phone than a book. I guess that would explain why he's average." I am a cell phone user and a book lover. A woman in the booth adjacent mine was talking on her cell phone when it slipped from her hands, fell into her coffee cup, and dumped the hot beverage into her purse. I felt sorry for her, even after I heard her exclaim, "Oh, no! Not again!"
Nature notes
“What are those webbed things in the trees?” Eastern tent caterpillars construct silken webs in the forks of deciduous tree branches, especially fruit trees such as apple, plum, crabapple, hawthorn, chokecherry, and cherry. The hairy caterpillar is bluish-black with a whitish-yellow stripe running the length of its back and is two inches long when fully grown. Eastern tent caterpillars normally emerge in April or May. During the heat of the day or in rainy weather, the caterpillars remain within the tent. They emerge to feed on leaves in the early morning, evening, or at night when not too cold. The feeding disfigures trees but typically doesn’t result in permanent damage unless the feeding is severe. Populations fluctuate with outbreaks occurring every few years. An easy non-chemical method to manage eastern tent caterpillars is to wait until evening or rainy days when the caterpillars are in their webbing, then pull it and the caterpillars from the tree. Then destroy the insects. The adult moths appear in June and July.
“I’ve seen mosquitoes as big as eagles, or at least an inch long. Are they dangerous?” They may resemble them but they are not mosquitoes. They are crane flies and do not suck your blood or kill mosquitoes.
Meeting adjourned
The kind word that could change a life or settle a dispute is often unspoken.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club meeting
“What are you doing with that snow shovel?”
“I’m going to shovel the driveway.”
“It’s June!”
“I know, but I want to get an early start.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: age speeds up the slowing down process.
Things I’ve learned
1. Closed minds often come with open mouths.
2. Envy is counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.
3. That I’d better concentrate when I eat a jelly doughnut.
You’re getting older
1. If the bank gives you a free calendar one month at a time.
2. If you talk to yourself and then have to ask what you just said because you weren’t listening.
3. If you finally get it all together, but you can’t remember where you put it.
Scenes from a marriage
We were enjoying a glass of wine in our home.
“I love you,” said my wife.
“I love you, too,” I said in response, “but is that you or the wine talking?”
My wife turned to me and said, “It’s me talking to the wine.”
Killer
I met Harmon Killebrew when I was a whippersnapper. I was a Luther Leaguer at Met Stadium. Harmon shook the hand of everyone in my group. I called him Killer as he shook my hand. It was my failed attempt to be cool. Harmon was our guy. We liked the Minnesota Twins even though we thought the name “Twins” was dumb. The Twins could be trailing 19-3 in the bottom of the ninth inning, Harmon would be the fifth batter, and we’d stay in the outfield stands just in case Harmon batted again. Harmon not only hit towering home runs, he hit majestic pop flies to the second baseman. He was our hero. When Harmon hit the ball, it made a unique sound. I was fortunate enough to encounter Harmon later in life. He was a nice man.
Only in a small town
The phone rang. I answered it with a, “Good morning,” not giving my name or phone number.
“Oh, hi, Al,” said the voice on the other end of the line — if we still have lines. “I’m sorry, I dialed the wrong number.”
Change isn’t easy but it is constant
My hometown has no large shopping malls or towering office buildings. Growing up, I considered my hometown a place where nothing ever changed. I didn’t expect the unexpected. There was no point. At least that’s what I thought. Now as I see my hometown with experienced eyes, I’m amazed at how much it has changed and how it continues to adjust. I have experienced nothing but change in my life. That is true of everyone.
Life is a picnic
I love eating outdoors. I enjoy picnics. When you eat food in the midst of bugs and birds, you get your food with everything. I don’t even mind being bitten by mosquitoes so big that they beep when they back up. When the skeeters bite me as I pass the chicken and ham, it puts me on both ends of the food chain.
Odd behavior
I was looking for a house. It was a night that was darker than the inside of a pants pocket. The house numbers were difficult to see. I drove slowly, peering into the darkness. Having no success, I turned the car radio down. I hoped the quiet would improve my vision.
Nature notes
On spring nights, primitive aircraft crash against our window screens. These are May beetles or June bugs. Brown, about an inch long, these scarab beetles make a sound like a bumblebee when flying. The beetles have strong front legs that they use to burrow underground until emerging at night. They are attracted to the windows by lights. June bug larvae are common in lawns and gardens. The grub eats plants underground and takes three years to become an adult.
Each female cottontail rabbit is capable of producing 35 young in a year. The mother seems like an inattentive parent as she is seldom near her babies. That is because she doesn’t want to draw attention to the bunnies. They are nursed at dusk and again before dawn. Young rabbits grow extremely fast and by the end of the second week, they begin to leave the nest and feed on green plants. Research has shown that less than 40 percent of the young rabbits live beyond a month.
Meeting adjourned
Be kind. People will remember that about you.
Echoes from the Loafers’’ Club meeting
“I’m working the early shift at the drug store.”
“The drug store has an early shift?”
“I come in early and wake the sleeping pills.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: the price of a new car makes an old car run better.
Things I’ve learned
1. Any nut that appears to be 1/2” will be 7/16” or 9/16.”
2. If someone asks if food tastes funny, it does.
3. If the Yankees lose, it doesn’t matter what my horoscope says. It’s going to be a good day.
Those thrilling days of yesteryear
Farming was an enterprise that varied in mood from battlefield to vacation. Baling hay wasn’t an unpleasant task, but it came with hot temperatures and balky equipment. Things were broken. Things were fixed only to break again. We spent much time being almost done. I found the easiest way to find the finish line was to repeat the mantra, “When you bale, you bale.”
You know you are getting older if
1. All you want out of life is a nap.
2. You’ve stopped looking like yourself.
3. You use your fingers to count just as you did when you were a tot.
Rhoda
I didn’t eat chicken in front of her.
No, she wasn’t a vegetarian or a card-carrying member of PETA.
She ate meat. Insects, mostly.
She was a chicken. She was a pet. Her name was Rhoda. She was a Rhode Island Red hen. She laid eggs.
I think she was proud of that.
I needed sweetening
There were stresses in my young life. The bus driver came at a different time each day. He didn’t want any kid setting a clock by him. He taught me that kids waited for school buses. School buses didn’t wait for kids.
There were words that needed spelling that didn’t want to be spelled.
There were bean rows that needed walking and they were more work than walking a dog.
That’s why places like Vivian’s Café and in particular, her fried rolls, were so important to me. Vivian’s was the spot where I munched on a heavenly fried roll while listening to my elders. I still connect sweet rolls with learning. Vivian, the café, and the rolls are nothing but memories today.
I’ve eaten similar rolls through the years. When I come across a delicacy that resembles Vivian’s tasty treat, I buy it. I have eaten lookalike rolls all over the country. None came close to matching the exquisite tastes of Vivian’s product.
Maybe a roll tasted better when it was surrounded by Vivian’s Café.
Driving past the past
I drove by the ball fields. They looked familiar. Years ago, I played in a state tournament on those fields. What I remembered most wasn’t the games I played. I remembered the umpire’s son. The yellowjackets were thick as we came to bat. The umpire’s son, sitting in the stands, took a drink from his can of Mountain Dew. One of the wasps had crawled into the can in search of sweet liquid. The yellowjacket didn’t like being swallowed. The boy had an allergic reaction to the stings. An ambulance arrived and took the boy to a hospital. The joy of the game was replaced by hopes and prayers for the umpire’s son. It was the first time in my life that I didn’t feel like playing ball.
Nature notes
My wife’s favorite bird is the indigo bunting. It looks like a blue goldfinch. My father called them “blue canaries.” I watched a lovely indigo bunting at the feeder. As it flew away, I was reminded of the last words in a novel, Jitterbug Perfume, written by Tom Robbins. “As blue as indigo. And you know what that means: Indigo. Indigoing. Indigone.”
Mallards usually pair for just one season, but sometimes the same birds mate again in subsequent years.
If you want to discourage barn swallows from nesting above a door, tape plastic wrap over the area. It will prevent the nest's mud from sticking to the siding.
Squirrels and blue jays bury many acorns and thus plant many oak trees. Their good work saves many workers’ compensation claims for back injuries.
Talking to the Holstein
I was talking to the Holstein the other day. The Holstein is a retired milk cow, so she has time to talk. The Holstein chewed her cud thoughtfully and said, “Moo.”
Meeting adjourned
Richard Carlson wrote, "Choose being kind over being right and you'll be right every time."
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“Your bill shows ‘Miscellaneous.’ Nothing is itemized.”
“That’s because if I take the time to itemize things, your bill would be higher.”
“My bill is too high now.”
“Miscellaneous doesn’t come cheap.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: “I don’t know” might be the wisest thing I’ve ever said.
Things I’ve learned
1. To keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
2. To ask directions only when I know where I’m going. That way I know if I’m getting good directions.
3. To lose things in places where it would be easy to find them.
Finding fishermen
Dale Hurni of Princeton told me that he when he was a school administrator at Wheaton, he caught two boys who had skipped school to visit a local fishing hotspot. The boys couldn’t imagine how Dale knew where to find them. Dale didn’t tell them that he was playing hooky, too.
A tall drink of water
My brother Donald says that band-aids come in only two sizes — too big and too small. Humans come in many sizes. Not one is too big or too small. I’m a tall fellow. If I should trip while writing this, I’d be halfway to town. People keep asking me if I’m getting taller. I tell them that I am. I consider it quite an accomplishment. Tall is good. I have proof. Using a formula called the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, researchers put together a map of where joy is the highest in America. They were able to describe what the happiest person in the country looks like. This person is a man and he is tall. I did well on those two. This happiest person is an Asian-American, observant Jew who is at least 65 and married, has children, lives in Hawaii, runs his own business, and has a household income of more than $120,000 a year. Maybe I’m the second happiest.
Spell check
I stopped to get gas. There were a number of large signs advertising the station. The word “road” was a prominent part of that advertising. On one of the professionally lettered signs, the word “road” was spelled “raod.” The big sign was evident to those pumping gas and to those driving by. I’m not averse to making a mistake. I must enjoy making mistakes because I make so many of them. That said, I think that if I were a professional sign painter and I had just painted, “RAOD” in giant letters, I would question my job performance. After all, the word wasn’t “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” I don’t think that “road” is a great spelling challenge for most people. President Andrew Jackson might have disagreed with me. He said, “It's a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word.” If spelling is a problem and you are a professional sign painter, a dictionary would be a wise and necessary investment. There are only four letters in “road,” but by misspelling it as “raod,” the painter got half of them wrong. Maybe he’d been on the raod too long.
A scene from a marriage
I told my wife that women talk more than men do. I showed her a study that found that men use about 10,000 words per day while women use roughly 20,000 words per day.
My bride mulled over that information and said, “Women have to use twice as many words as men. That’s because they have to repeat everything they say to a man.”
“What?” I said.
Nature notes
House sparrows are not natives of this country. Accounts differ, but it appears that Nicholas Pike, Director of the Brooklyn Institute, purchased eight pairs of sparrows from Liverpool, England in 1850. He released them in the spring of the following year. They did not survive. The next year he purchased 25 pairs of sparrows and released them along the East River. Birds were released into Central Park (possibly to control cankerworm infestations in trees), Union Square Park, and Madison Square Park. In 1854 and 1858, the bird was introduced to Portland, Maine, in 1856 or 1857 to Nova Scotia, and in 1858 to Rhode Island. In 1869, 1,000 house sparrows were set free in Philadelphia. The same year, they were released in Galveston. House sparrows were introduced to San Francisco in 1871-1872 and to Salt Lake City in 1873-1874. While thriving in this country, house sparrow populations are declining drastically in England.
Meeting adjourned
Compliments pay the greatest interest. Invest in some kind words.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“That’s an interesting cologne you are wearing.”
“You like it?”
“No, but I think it is interesting that you want to smell like a skunk eating rotten fish.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: wisdom comes in small pieces.
Things I’ve learned
1. To spay and neuter my pet peeves.
2. That the word “bedroom” looks like a bedroom.
3. That I’m never too old to learn the wrong things.
Telemarketer trauma
We each did our job.
The phone rang. I answered it.
I live back-of-beyond, but each day offers an array of opportunities. I hoped that the call would have been one. Alas, it was a fellow calling to ask for a donation. He proudly stated his name (I suspected it was an alias, but it produced an image of an All-American guy who watched baseball, ate apple pie, and drove a Chevrolet) and the organization on whose behalf he was calling. He was the third telemarketer to call that morning. I was familiar with the organization. Its people had called enough that I had checked its rating with a service that ranks charities. The performance of the outfit was appalling. I’d asked to be removed from their calling list numerous times. I try to be decent, but occasionally fail. I’m polite in an attempt to be fit company for myself. I was taught to listen because I might learn something and because I have two ears and only one mouth. My caller, “Brad,” resided somewhere between hopeful and obnoxious. I wanted to believe “Brad.” I wanted to believe that by giving him money, it would make the world a better place. I knew that it would improve “Brad’s” lot in life. I wanted to give but I couldn’t. I knew the company’s business. Money would be better spent elsewhere. I hung up on him before he got far into his pitch. I feel guilty about it. When some folks say “them” in a way that makes it sound as though “them” is everything that is wrong with the world, I think some people consider “them” to be telemarketers. I don’t look down on telemarketers. They’re just doing a job. Maybe “Brad” doesn’t like being a telemarketer. Maybe he has learned that he is good at something that he doesn’t enjoy doing. I hope “Brad” didn’t sense my guilt. If he did, he’ll be calling back.
Leaf it alone
Back when my bank account was in a piggy, my grade school class was assigned the leaf project. We were to gather leaves, identify them, and affix them to scrapbook pages. It was a delightful endeavor. Our farm was filled with walnut, several varieties of oak, elm, ironwood, cottonwood, ash, box elder, willow and a couple of species of maple trees. Leaves enough to fill any scrapbook. The problem was that I couldn’t find a nice red maple leaf. I knew where there was a tree that offered such leaves. It was in town. One day, I accompanied my parents to town. I deserted them as they shopped and ran to the tree. I saw the perfect leaf. It hadn’t fallen to the ground. No time for patience, I climbed the tree and was about to grab the fine specimen when I looked down and saw the tree’s owner.
“Looking for a leaf for school?” he asked.
There are no secrets in small towns.
A scene from a marriage
“Did you look at the sink?” my wife, The Queen B, asked sweetly.
“I did,” I replied.
“Did you fix it?” she asked.
“I fixed all that I could,” I said.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
Nature notes
A single bite by a mosquito could provide her with enough blood to lay 250 eggs. There are 176 species of mosquitoes in the U.S. — roughly 51 in Minnesota and 53 in Iowa. Not all species lay their eggs in water. A mosquito can find us 60 feet away, attracted by carbon dioxide, body temperature, movement and lactic acid. Birds, bats, fish, frogs, damselflies and dragonflies feed on mosquitoes.
The great blue heron seldom stabs prey. The heron uses its bill-like barbecue tongs and clamps onto prey.
Folklore claims that if you dig a hole on a new moon, you’ll have dirt to give away. If you dig a hole on an old moon, you won’t have enough dirt to refill the hole.
Meeting adjourned
You will never know the true importance of your words, so make them kind.
Echoes from the Loafers’’ Club Meeting
“How do I get back to the interstate highway?”
“Go back the same way you came.”
“I can’t remember how I got here.”
I can’t help. I wasn’t with you.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: when it comes to weather, we remember the highs and lows, not the averages.
Things I’ve learned
1. If you think that people don’t care how you look, try cutting your own hair.
2. Lutefisk should be eaten only during the months with a Q in their names.
3. Remembering things isn’t hard, but forgetting them is easy.
From the
neighborhood
My neighbor Old Man McGinty, the youngest Old Man McGinty ever, told me that when he was a boy, his father led the horse that Old Man McGinty rode to school. People complained that Old Man McGinty had no respect for his elders. He rode while his father walked. So his father started to ride the horse while Old Man McGinty walked to school. Then people grumbled about how terrible it was that a boy had to walk while his father rode. So they both walked. Then people said that they were foolish for walking when they had a good horse to ride.
I asked Old Man McGinty for the point of his story.
He replied, “I learned that you can never please everyone.”
The perils of
peregrination
I was speaking at a conference in a fine hotel. My room had a Sleep Number bed that allowed me to adjust the firmness of the mattress with the touch of a button. I didn’t get much sleep. I stayed awake doing math. I ate breakfast in the hotel’s self-service nook, a busy spot early in the morning. A fellow diner spilled apple juice on the floor. He began to clean up the spill with napkins. A hotel worker told him not to worry about it and that the worker would clean the floor. The man continued to mop up. The hotel worker smiled and said, “It’s nice to see someone who is willing to clean up his own mess.”
Prehistoric prom
I remember my senior prom like it was a long time ago.
I don’t remember what the theme of that prom was. I think it involved a plucked ostrich, black licorice, and dynamite, but I’m not sure. The band was Wilford Brimley and the Thick Moustaches. I shuffle-danced to the music with my lovely date, trying to be cool without knowing how. It was the end and it was the beginning.
You can’t tell the
season by the weather
We spend much of our lives being almost but not quite. In this case, it was almost spring but not quite.
I was sitting in my car at a gas pump, emptying my pockets. A friend told me, “Up the street the snow is coming down.”
The wind soughed through the advertising signs surrounding the convenience store. It was the middle of April and it was snowing. Real snow, not those flurries that panic parts of the world but are ignored by winter-weary people. Snow snow! Some saw the day as a glass that was half-empty with a fly in it. Not me. I realized how fortunate I am. I have experienced thundersnow and I have seen snow fleas.
The calendar said that it was spring. The seasons are what we expect. Weather is what we get.
Marital bliss
A lifelong friend named Keith Wakefield was married on his bride’s birthday. The couple celebrates their anniversary on her birthday. One year, Keith gave his wife a pair of earrings — one for their anniversary and the other for her birthday.
The question man
The man told me that he was from Duluth.
“What do you do there?” I asked, being nosey.
“I was born there,” he answered.
He apparently had had a lot of free time in his life.
Nature notes
Does a hummingbird weigh as much as a penny? The Cornell Lab of Ornithology says that a ruby-throated hummingbird weighs 2 to 6 grams (0.1 to 0.2 ounces). A penny made before 1982 was mostly copper and weighed 3.1 grams. A penny made after that year is mostly zinc and weighs 2.5 grams.
Will Irish Spring soap keep deer out of gardens? Hot pepper spray, Irish Spring soap, predator urine, and human hair are used as potential deterrents. Some swear by such things and others swear at them. Scientific data confirming their effectiveness is lacking.
Meeting adjourned
Kind words shouldn’t remain unsaid.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“I hear someone stole gas from your place?”
“Yes.”
“You should have put a lock on the gas pump. You have no one to blame but yourself.”
“Maybe so, but I’m still blaming the thief.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: gratitude is what makes what I have into what I love.
Things I’ve learned
1. I can save money by using a facial tissue twice — first to clean my glasses and then to blow my nose. It must be in that order.
2. If I’m doing something that requires me to be on my hands and knees, I should find something else that needs doing while I’m down there.
3. If I can think of it, there is a Web site dedicated to it.
From the family files
My two-year-old grandson has acquired, through no effort of his own, the nickname Bubba. It made for interesting conversation at the restaurant as his one-year-older sister, Everly, said, “Why does Bubba have a knife?”
Don’t let the library burn
I was visiting a 98-year-old friend in her nursing home room. I was writing down some things she was telling me. She asked me why I was scribbling away. I told her that she knew things that nobody else knew and each time a person dies, it’s as if a library had burned to the ground. Some things need to be written down. She admitted to knowing about things that few alive had experienced. Then she added, “But I could tell you anything. Who is going to call me a liar?”
Our changing landscape
I drive about the countryside and remember farm places that are no longer there, small farms that have become part of large farms. I recall families and names that lived on farms that have disappeared without a trace. I come by such recollections naturally. I can remember riding in an old Pontiac with my father as he waved a hand toward a shopping mall or housing development and said, “I remember when all of this was nothing but farmland.”
I remember old farmhouses that made way for more farmland.
From the neighborhood
My neighbor Marcus Absent teaches Political Science 101 at the local community college. He covers the two-party system like so, “There once were two cats of Kilkenny. Each thought there was one cat too many. So they fought and they fit, and they scratched and they bit, till excepting their nails, and the tips of their tails, instead of two cats, there weren't any.”
I want patience and I want it now
I wanted things I didn’t have. That was because I didn’t always want the things I had. I didn’t just want things, I wanted instant gratification. Bertrand Russell wrote, “To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.”
We were without things, but we had plastic silverware. We had the good plastic silverware when I was a boy. It came with purchased dinners and my mother thought the plastic utensils too good to throw away. She washed and reused them until better silverware appeared. She had perfected deferred gratification.
Walter Mischel is a psychologist who offered a marshmallow to each of a group of preschoolers. If a child could resist eating the marshmallow, he or she was given two marshmallows instead of one. Mischel discovered a correlation between the marshmallow experiment and the children’s future achievements. A child who waited for the second marshmallow was more successful in school and career.
I’m going to wait for the second marshmallow and eat it with the good plastic silverware.
The café chronicles
Old Man McGinty, the youngest Old Man McGinty ever, was having a heated argument with his best friend, Ripe Richard. As Old Man McGinty left the café, he said to Ripe Richard, “I'm so mad, I'm taking you off my pallbearer list!”
Nature notes
“Is it a good idea to burn a tick off my body?” No. Removing the tick promptly is crucial, since the likelihood of contracting a disease or infection rises sharply after 24 hours. Traumatizing the tick with heat carries a risk of making it regurgitate, increasing the chance of infection. Squeezing or crushing the tick and smothering it with Vaseline or nail polish are no better. The proper method is to grasp the tick as close to the skin as possible with tweezers and pull it gently straight up. Then clean the area with a disinfectant.
Meeting adjourned
Don’t waste your time being unkind.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“I’m stiff from doing deep knee bends.”
“When did you start exercising?”
“The minute my glazed doughnut rolled under the sofa.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: where would Clark Kent change into his Superman costume today?
Things I’ve learned
1. It is difficult to trust people who have all the answers.
2. We want more government than we are willing to pay for.
3. You cannot hug a cactus and bill your insurance company for acupuncture treatment.
Bowling for savings
There used to be something on TV called Bowling for Dollars. It was game show in which people could win cash and prizes by bowling. An aunt of mine found a way to bowl for dollars without bowling. My uncle and aunt, Dwight and Edith Potter, lived in Emmetsburg, Iowa. They had three children, a home, and a business, but no savings account at the bank. Another uncle, Merv, convinced Dwight to join a bowling team that had “coffee frames,” pre-determined frames in which the bowler with the lowest pin count on the first ball bought coffee for the others. Any time all but one bowler in any frame got strikes, that one bought coffee for the others. When Dwight arrived home, Edith would ask him how he had bowled and he would regale her with his exploits, including any coffee buying he had done. Edith did some calculation and figured out how much Dwight was spending each night he bowled. She placed a like amount into a savings account. She did that each week and saving became a habit.
Blue cross sent me a thank you note
I burned wood for heat for many years. I sawed, chopped and split wood regularly. The wind took down some trees on our property last summer. One of the trees was a widowmaker or fool killer, named for causing fatalities to forest workers. A widowmaker is a broken limb hanging freely in a tree to be felled or in a nearby tree. This tree was propped up by a neighboring tree. I don’t mind heights. I’m a tall guy. My superpower has always been my ability to retrieve items from high shelves. I told my wife that I would tackle the troublesome tree. She asked why I didn’t contact a tree service. It was because they would charge $400 for the task. My wife hinted that $400 wouldn’t pay for my emergency room visit. I called the tree service.
Political winds
While working in Indiana, I listened to Governor Mitch Daniels speak. Daniels took office in 2005. His favorite example of how the performance of the government has improved under his leadership is that the average wait time at the Bureau of Motor Vehicles has fallen from 40 minutes in 2005 to eight minutes now.
It wasn’t wise but it’s what I did
He was a handsome Hereford bull. I named him Bullet. I was a young boy who had apparently run out of good names for farm animals. Bullet wouldn’t have been allowed into any china shops, but he was gentle for a bull. Especially when he was eating corn. I’d give Bullet an ear of corn and he allowed me to ride him. I didn’t want to be a bull rider. I wanted to be a cowboy, but I had no horse. I had convinced myself that Roy Rogers had started out riding bulls that were eating corn before he moved on to Trigger. Bullet wasn’t as fast as a spat he’d do. He’d bring acorns to me. And nuts to you.
Nature notes
During the Middle Ages, it was believed that cranes took turns keeping watch for enemies at night. The bird on duty held a stone in one foot. If the sentry fell asleep, the stone would drop and wake the crane.
Meadowlarks may be found in a meadow but they are not larks. The meadowlark is a member of the blackbird family.
Meeting adjourned
A simple, kind word can be the source of great joy.
More...
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“It’s not easy being the smartest man in the room.”
“Ha! I’ll bet you could tell everything you know in five minutes.”
“Maybe so, but I could add all you know and the telling wouldn’t take any longer.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: after all these years, we still don’t know who let the dogs out.
Things I’ve learned
1. To leave a phone message after the beep.
2. To do the hard stuff first.
3. Not to take a fence down until I know why it was put up.
Mystery tour
I’ve worked with bus tours for many years — as a leader and as someone who talks to the travelers. A mystery tour is a common endeavor for bus tours. The participants get on the bus and have no clue as to where they are going. I’ve toiled on a number of those tours. I’d have each passenger write his or her name on a slip of paper along with a guess as to the tour’s destination. Then I’d pass a hat around in which each passenger would put in $2 along with the slip of paper. The winning guess won the pot of money. I stopped doing that after the bus driver won the pot five times in a row.
Before there were such things as MapQuest or a GPS, my wife and I went on mystery tours. I’d jump behind the wheel of the car, assuming the role of the pilot. I’d toss my wife the map, making her the navigator even though she hadn’t volunteered for the job.
“We’re making good time,” I’d say, my hands firmly in place at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel.
“That’s good,” my bride would respond. “Because we just missed our turn.”
That’s when the tour became a mystery. It was all good. We saw parts of the world we would never have seen had we taken the right turn.
Losing an elder
I was at a funeral of one of the elders of my family. Aunt Ruth had a good run. She didn’t quite make it to her 100th birthday. I thought of her generation and how wise they were. When I was a boy, I thought that when I became an adult, I would acquire that wisdom. Then I discovered that the best I could do was to fake it. I’m all too aware of how little I know. I make decisions based on a method not unlike those described by the writer David Brooks. Brooks recommends flipping a coin and observing my reaction to the coin flip. I shouldn’t go by the flip. I should base my decision on my reaction. I just hope that I get more things right than wrong. I’m losing my familial elders. As I stood at the cemetery, I recalled that the Greeks said that we suffer our way to wisdom. Maybe wisdom comes with tears.
Tornado tales
Alice Jensen of Albert Lea told me that when the tornado hit her brother’s (Elwood Tukua) home last June, many things were lost. Kind children from New Richland found an odd visitor in their yard. It was the wedding certificate belonging to Alice and Elwood’s parents, Oscar and Norma. It was in perfect condition. The wedding took place on June 1, 1929 and Oscar and Norma celebrated 60 years of marriage. The finders returned the wedding certificate and it will be celebrating its 82nd birthday in June. The certificate was strong, like the marriage.
Words on the wind
There is a large wind farm not far from me. Many turbines are spinning. At night, red lights on the wind turbines blink in an eerie manner. Michael Cotter of Albert Lea asked me how I liked living near a red light district.
From the family files
“How old are you now?” I asked in the same dumb voice that I use on a three-year-old granddaughter. Only I wasn’t talking to my granddaughter. I was talking to my 102-year-old Aunt Edith.
She smiled and said, “I’m 200 years old.”
Nature notes
In a study conducted by Dr. Bruce Manny, research fishery biologist with the U.S. Geological Survey, the average Canada goose produces 5.49 ounces of wet droppings per day.
The coyote looks like a large, gray fox to some. Coyotes are found in every state but Hawaii. Coyotes show varied colors because of the species’ ability to adapt coloration to habitat.
Meeting adjourned
If you can’t be king, be kind.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“You’re late.”
“The goat ate my alarm clock.”
“You don’t have a goat.”
“I know. I had to borrow the neighbor’s goat.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: if you expect to save at all, do it when your income is small.
Things I’ve learned
1. To keep several get well cards on my desk. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think I've been sick and unable to clean.
2. Words that soak in are whispered, not yelled.
3. Children of my generation had survival instincts that allowed them to find the one spot in each moving car that fathers couldn’t reach.
Café chronicles
The fellow told me that he puts sugar in his coffee but he doesn’t stir the mixture. He likes the sweetness at the end. He said that sugary concoction helped him run the marathon that he started.
“Started?” I wondered aloud.
“I ran for a couple of miles and I found myself securely in last place,” he said. “The guy just ahead of me was taunting me. Saying things like, ‘How does it feel to be last?’ I let him know. I dropped out.”
Those thrilling days of yesteryear
It was a cold, winter day. I was doing some work outdoors for my mother.
When I came inside, my mother rose from her chair and said, “Sit down here, I warmed your chair for you.”
Bath
I live near the city of Bath. You won’t find it on a map unless you have an exceptional and ancient map. Bath is smaller than it has ever been. The population is zero. The sign reads, “Welcome to Bath. Beware of dog.” Bath is a drive-by community that cannot claim even two streets (Main Street and Non-Main Street). The only part of the once thriving city that grows is the cemetery. In Bath, there are more skeletons below ground than in the closet. A reminder, persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves. Bath rules.
At Lake Inferior
The man had been fishing all day. He enjoyed his time along the lake. He had some good luck, but there was a man staring at him. That took his mind off his fishing and was beginning to irk him.
“Hey, pal! You've been standing there watching me fish for over three hours! Why don't you get a rod and reel, buy yourself a license, and do some fishing yourself?”
“No, thanks. I don't have the patience for it.”
The bumper sticker read
Stop honking. I’m on the phone.
Lent
I would like to give up snow for Lent. I tried to give up milking cows for Lent one year. My father countered with an offer to give up feeding and housing me. I continued to milk the Holsteins. A woman from Alexandria told me that she gave up fishing from a boat and eating watermelon for Lent.
Nature notes
“Is an owl able to turn its head all the way around?” When I was a boy, a neighbor told me that if I circled a tree with an owl in it, the owl would keep an eye on me and wring its own neck. Owls cannot turn their heads all the way around. Most sources claim an owl is able to turn its head approximately 270 degrees. This, combined with rapid head movement, gives the illusion that an owl has turned its head all the way around. Owls can’t move their eyes back and forth or up and down without moving their heads. This gives an owl a battery-powered appearance. An owl can move its head so freely because its neck has 14 vertebrae, which is twice as many as humans have. I still circle the trees. I do it for the exercise.
“How did the monarch butterfly get its name?” It is believed that the butterfly was named after King William, Prince of Orange, stateholder of Holland, and King of England. The monarch’s color suggested the name. Some people call the butterfly by a nickname, King Billy. It takes four monarch butterflies to weigh as much as a dime and about 900 of them to make a pound.
“What is a BBRP?” It may sound like a burp, but it is not. It’s bluebirds. To find out more information about the BBRP Expo, go to www.bbrp.org.
Meeting adjourned
Willie Davis wrote, “If you step on people in this life, you're going to come back as a cockroach.” Be kind.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club meeting
“I always thought that the older I’d get, the wiser I would become.”
“It’s not working that way?”
“No, the older I get, the more tired I become. Tired must be the new wisdom.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: never depend upon the weather.
Things I’ve learned
1. It is difficult to finish a job that was never started.
2. Whatever doesn’t kill me only makes me stranger.
3. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Café chronicles
“It’s a nice morning for the break of day,” I greeted the friendly philosophers.
“That’s easy for you to say. My windshield wipers are so worn that I look at the world through a smear. I think my problems all started in junior high shop class.”
“Woodworking,” I recalled.
“I tried to build a coffee table. I couldn’t get the legs even. I kept cutting them until I realized that I wasn’t making a coffee table, I was building a serving tray. I haven’t known what I’ve been doing since.”
Picking rocks
We picked rocks on the farm. We picked more rocks than flowers. The glacier brought rocks to our farm and relied on us to move them to piles in more appropriate places than in a cornfield. I was talking about this annual task with a couple of other old farm boys. The discussion moved to the difference between a rock and a stone. One said that a rock was large and a stone small. Another said that a rock had sharp, jagged edges and stones were smooth and rounded. I put beautiful ones (rocks and stones) into my pockets for both good luck and to keep from being blown away by the wind. The glacier has gone to get more rocks.
He was ticketed for attempted speeding
It seems as though everyone is driving too fast. That’s not true. Keith Batt of Bellingham, WA told me that he pokes along at such a slow speed that a meter maid passed him in her little cart. Keith was driving at the speed of a glacier.
Spring
One day, I’m mumbling to myself, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Do you think the snow will melt by fall?” The next day, I had to hurry to shovel the snow before it melted.
When the sap circulates, the tree leaves, and it’s time to squeeze the maple trees. Spring gives the birds something to sing about and causes a plague of potholes and lawn ornaments to descend upon the land. I emerged from my winter coat like a butterfly from its chrysalis to weather filled with promise. Was I suffering from frostbite or a heat rash? Mark Twain wrote, “In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.”
Lightning knocked the horns off a great horned owl who didn’t give a hoot. Rain means that the grass will soon grow so tall that a cow, a dog, and two of the neighbor’s cousins visiting from Illinois will become lost in it. Almost normal people begin decapitating dandelions. They push yellow mowers through the green grass as they cuss a blue streak. We’ll soon be into the mosquitofighting season. It’s similar to bullfighting, only with more bloodshed. Stop and smell the skunk. It’s spring’s aromatherapy.
Nature notes
“Does putting Juicy Fruit gum into their tunnels eliminate moles?” This has proven ineffective in scientific tests. Moles are insectivores but apparently not gum-chewers. The use of vibrating devices to discourage moles hasn’t proven effective in scientific trials either. The presence of mole tunnels next to highways would be evidence against the effectiveness of vibrations as a deterrent. The use of mothballs to repel moles is futile.
Talking to the Holstein
I was talking to the Holstein the other day. The Holstein is a retired milk cow, so she has time to talk. I mentioned that the 2011 Annual Bluebird Expo would be on Saturday, April 16 at Cambridge High School. At the place to learn how to attract bluebirds, there will be exhibits, sales, speakers, and live birds from the Raptor Center. Speakers include Keith Radel, Jim Gilbert, and me. For more information, call 507-332-7003 or 507-210-0961.
The Holstein chewed her cud thoughtfully and said, “Dial for me. I have hooves.”
Meeting adjourned
The best way to judge another is not by what others say about that person but by what that person says about others.
Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“I heard you got a job cleaning windows.”
“That’s right.”
“Do you get paid by the window?”
“No, I get paid by the boss.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: I’ve saved a lot of daylight over the years. I wonder where I put it?
Excusercise
I walked into my office three times before I remembered why I walked into my office. I acquired a facial tissue and a pencil on my first two visits, so my trips were not for naught. This behavior is beneficial in that it provides an exercise program that I cannot forget to do even when I forget to do it.
Café chronicles
The table topic was obituary photos. One of the talkers said that the newspaper obituary photos are never current. Of course, they’re out of date. The photos were taken when the dearly departeds were still alive.
Those thrilling days of yesteryear
My father wore overalls and coveralls. They were the perfect dress for a hard-working farmer. His uniform came with a pocket for pliers. Dad said that if he had a pair of pliers, he was prepared for emergencies.
I read the Boy Scout Handbook when I was a boy but not a Scout. Those guys were prepared. I wanted to be a Boy Scout when I was a lad, but there wasn’t a troop near me. However, thanks to my father, I was prepared. I had my own pliers.
International Owl Festival
I met Roar Solheim at the International Owl Festival held in Houston, MN. Roar is from Norway. A Norwegian and a Minnesotan —the conversation naturally turned to comic books and lutefisk. Roar told me that Donald Duck is immensely popular in Norway and that they do eat lutefisk there. Roar said that he prepared lutefisk a bit differently than we do. He puts bacon, mustard, and bacon grease on the wily cod.
Writing
I was presenting a class for young writers at Bethany Lutheran College in Mankato. There had been a substantial snowfall and I went for an early morning walk to listen to the spring songs of birds on a wintery day. I heard another sound. Wwwwiiirrrrzzzz! The sound of spinning tires attempting to scale an icy hill. It brought back memories of the dilapidated cars with bad tires that I have owned.
Snow go
We had snowball fights when I was a boy. They seemed natural. We whipped snowballs at one another at great velocity. Every part of the body was a target. The only rule was that we could not throw iceballs. We’d heard horror stories of bad neighborhoods where iceballs were the norm and some poor child had been seriously injured by one of the icy missiles.
I listened to Joe Mansky, Ramsey County Elections Manager, testify before a legislative committee. Mansky said that 18 percent of Minnesotans move each year. I’ll bet some move just to escape iceballs.
Nature notes
Winter has been a hard, long slog. Spring is just around the corner—Lord willing and the snow banks don’t rise. Some of my neighbors know how to handle winter. They fly to Florida. They can’t be happy there. There’s no ice fishing in Florida. The rest of us stay here and attack winter as if we were shampooing our hair. Shovel, sleep, repeat. I’ve placed robin decoys on my lawn in the hopes of attracting spring. They’ll likely draw in orange barrels. I know it is spring when the zipper on my winter coat starts working. It’s not that difficult to notice spring signs. Smell a skunk? That’s the scent of spring and a sign that spring is just around the corner—sharing that space with winter. Look for yellow in the bills of starlings, the feathers of goldfinches, and in weeping willows. Crows carrying sticks and red-winged blackbird males singing “Look at me!” Chipmunks become active, mourning doves coo, red osier dogwood is a bright red (the red veins of spring), red-tailed hawks are paired up, and Canada geese stand on ice. Earthworms make short migrations to the surface. Spring has false starts. Just remember that other places have winter, too.
Meeting adjourned
Dale Carnegie said, “You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.”