Echoes from the Loafers' Club Meeting

It takes 43 muscles to frown and only 17 to smile.

That so?

Yes. So why are you frowning?

I need the exercise.

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: it isn’t a small town if it has a McDonald’s.

I’ve learned

A candle’s flame smells like burned nose hairs.

A squirrel is a tree hugger.

Not to pay as I go until I’ve paid for where I’ve been.

The news from Hartland

• Bump Whistlebritches loses his driver’s license for listening to the same Kenny G CD in his car for the past six years.

• Conan the Barber reminds customers to remove their hats before sitting in the chair.

• Student complains that the Art appreciation class taught by Art Johnson has no purpose other than giving Art the chance to brag.

Ask Al

• "Are zebras related to horses?" Yes, a zebra is a black horse with Venetian blinds.

• "Who’d want to live to be 100?" Ask me the same question when you are 99.

• "Is a fish considered a success if it’s able to keep its head below water?" Yes, but it’s all a matter of scale.

• "Who lives the longest?" A rich relative.

An excursion to Emmetsburg

I visited Emmetsburg to gather with cousins. Work assignments had dictated a meandering route, with more cones on the roads than at a Dairy Queen. I arrived early, so I went for a walk along Five Island Lake. It was a beautiful day, butterflies fluttered by. I encountered a young fellow walking two dogs on leashes. All three appeared friendly. One dog was large, the size of a Rottweiler. The other was tiny, like a Yorkshire terrier. The big dog barked once. The auxiliary dog yapped in support. A woofer and a subwoofer, I supposed.

Dunking doughnuts

I came across a coffee-flavored doughnut recently. That’s nothing new. When I was a whippersnapper, I dunked cake doughnuts into my father’s cups of coffee often. I don’t drink coffee, but I have pleasant recollections of my doughnut-dunking days. The coffee-flavored doughnut caused me to wander over acres of memories.

I recall working and being a tourist in England. I had high tea at a posh hotel. I like tea. The cup came with scones and a sandwich the size of a quarter. It was one of those sandwiches in which they had forgotten to put a sandwich in. It had a cucumber slice in it. I don't think you can get those at McDonald’s.

I considered dunking it in my tea.

You can’t have too many friends

Joel DeNeui of Blue Earth referred to someone as his distant friend-in-law. That’s a great term for a friend of a friend.

A woman told me that she’d just seen a "hi bye friend." That describes a person she’d say "hi" and "bye" to, but little more.

A taradiddle

The neighbor was a full-time pastor and a part-time farmer. He studied the Bible as he did his farm chores. One day, he lost the Bible somewhere on his farm. It wasn't just a Bible. It was his confirmation Bible. He fretted. He stewed. He prayed for its return. One day, a neighbor’s cow walked up with the Bible in her mouth. The pastor was gobsmacked.

"It’s a miracle!" he cried.

"Not really," said the cow. "Your name was in it."

Customer comments

• Ric McArthur of Morpeth, Ontario writes, "I don't always remember what I had for lunch the day before. I always have the same thing for breakfast. That way I can remember something from yesterday."

• Alan McBride of Preston, England, sends this, "Cashew: the sound of a nut sneezing."

Did you know?

• "The Economist" rates San Francisco as the most liberal US city. Washington, DC, was second, Seattle third, and Minneapolis sixth. The most conservative city was Mesa.

• Arby’s restaurant got its name from its founders, Leroy and Forrest Raffel, the Raffel Brothers, or "RB’s."

• Bananas are the world's largest fruit crop and the fourth-largest crop after wheat, rice, and corn.

Nature notes

"Do feeders become busier when a storm is coming?" Birds don’t wait for holidays to overeat. Low-pressure brings storms, meaning birds might have difficulty feeding and are forced to hunker down. They stock up just as we do when we run to the supermarket when storms are predicted.

Meeting adjourned

"Leave everyone you meet better than you found them. Become an encourager of potential versus a destroyer of confidence." — Robin Sharma

This week’s column is yet another “Hopscotch” column – meaning it will be about many things of great importance either fact or fiction.

As I was getting ready to mow our lawn of many brown patches, I heard a voice echoing between the dandelions. The voice said, “Keep mowing me high. It will help keep my roots cooler and me a lot happier during the heat.” (I wonder how much the dandelions paid the grass to deliver that message.)

The best thing to come out of Iowa is not I-35, it’s Andrew coming to Sears in Albert Lea from Sears in Osage, Iowa to temporarily help out.

Derek Jeter of the New York Yankees baseball team has announced his retirement at the end of this season. Wearing Number 2, he has become one of the most respected players in baseball. At the 2014 All-Star Game in Minneapolis, there was a billboard, “RES2ECT.” (Yes, you read this right, “respect” was spelled with Jeter’s uniform number to show respect.)

Per Lady Deliverer of Mail in Albert Lea: “Brian Kelly may be the best deliverer of mail in Albert Lea, but I’m a lot prettier!” (Those were the exact words of Chris Carlson.)

The 12th annual American Cancer Society Relay For Life held at the Freeborn County Fairgrounds in Albert Lea was awesome. 

Reading the story in the Star Eagle about 8-year-old Dacoda Malakowsky was made even better when he told his story in person. Dacoda truly earned a standing ovation at the Relay For Life.

The Hy-Vee stand ran out of food, Madelein’s Gourmet Chocolate Chip Cookies were all sold, the egg rolls were sold out – all the vendors were busy during Relay For Life. I estimate there were about 4,000 luminary bags with a candle and, when lighting, more than one person did so through tears. The lit spelling of “Hope” in the grandstand was most impressive through misty eyes.

Thanks to Dr. George Lunstrom and staff for purchasing a luminary in my name. Genie and I purchased luminaries in remembrance of family members having cancer.

Genie had Birthday No. Plenty-Nine-and-Holding on August 12. She decided that was the age where birthdays were no longer a one-day event, but rather a week-long celebration.

The week of celebration began with her and Gale Nelson (also an August 12 birthday girl) serving the after-church coffee hour at Central Freeborn Lutheran Church. (It was more like a brunch with all the trimmings.)

Monday was an all-day out, with her and Gale Nelson going to St. Ansgar, Iowa for a day of shopping and someone else fixing the meals.

Tuesday (the actual day of her birthday) we went to the Old Mill Restaurant in Austin, for a noon luncheon. The meal was topped off by a free birthday sundae with two spoons. Kim, our server, knew how to treat the VIP of the day (Genie).

Wednesday was a day of celebration at St. Paul Lutheran Church in Garner, Iowa. The life of Dan Farris was remembered and celebrated. Dan left this world at age 55 because of cancer (he was Genie’s cousin).

Thursday was a day of rest. Remember, even God rested a day of the Great Creation.

Friday was at the Steele County fair in Owatonna, with fair food and dancing on the grass.

Saturday was a repeat of Friday.

All of the week-long celebration was followed by my being tired and weak, with Genie gearing up for next year!

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Bob is a retired AAL (Aid Association for Lutherans) agent, currently working on his master’s degree in Volunteering. His wife, Genie, is a retired RN, currently working on her doctor’s degree in Volunteering. They have two children, Deb in North Carolina, and Dan in Vermont. Bob says if you enjoy his column, let him know. If you don’t enjoy it, keep on reading, it can get worse. Words of wisdom: There is always room for God.

On October 20, 2004, I watched and announced as exciting a football game as I’ve ever seen: NRHEG and WEM were facing off for the Gopher Valley Conference crown.

We hadn’t beaten WEM since my first year here, in 1996. Anticipation was high, and the game didn’t disappoint. The hometown boys drove down as time was running down in the fourth quarter. The crowd got as loud as I’ve ever heard them as Bjorn Peterson found Carl Pederson in the back of the end zone for the go-ahead touchdown with less than 30 seconds remaining. The defense held on to clinch the win and the conference title.

I can get pretty loud with the microphone. But I’m not sure how many people heard me for either the touchdown or the final score. The air was electric, and it’s one of those moments that will be engrained in many people’s minds forever.

Now think about Bjorn and Carl. Every youngster who enjoys sports envisions scenes like this. A walk-off hit. A great defensive stop. A buzzer-beater. Whatever else happened in their athletic careers, they had one of THOSE moments.

I don’t know how many hours I spent by my basketball hoop, pretending to be Larry Bird, hitting the winning bucket against the Lakers in the NBA Finals. I would watch Kirby Puckett play for the Twins and try to emulate his stance at the plate, hoping to have some pop like he did. Any Puckett fan also worked on jumping up walls to snatch back home run balls!

I did not have an illustrious athletic career by any stretch of the imagination. I was a pretty good defensive baseball player and a decent shooter in basketball, but my playing time decreased the older I got. I did get to have one of THOSE moments though.

I was about 13 or 14, and my baseball team was behind by three runs in the last inning. The bases were loaded with two outs when I strode to the plate. Now remember, I said I was a good defensive player in baseball; hitting was not my forte. I can only imagine my coach figured the game was over.

Somehow, I got a hold of a fastball and crushed it over the leftfielder’s head. I was pretty fast back in the day and was headed for third, having tied the game with my hit. As the throw came in, it flew over the third baseman’s head. I popped up immediately and headed for home and the go-ahead run.

A very good throw would have had a chance to get me. It was not even an average throw. The catcher tried to catch and swipe tag me, but never had the ball in his glove. He smacked me across the face, knocking me toward the plate, where I indeed scored. We held the other team in the bottom of the inning and celebrated a win.

And that’s my one big moment. I certainly never scored 50 points and made a huge steal as time expired in a state championship game, a la Carlie Wagner. I never hit two free throws at the end of a game to win like Lindsey Cornelius did many years ago. I never scored a touchdown in the seventh overtime like Jason Lennox did against GFW in 2003 to win a varsity event.

But you know the great thing? I’ve witnessed all of these moments. And while it’s tough to imagine what it must be like to be the hero of the moment, it’s also awfully cool to see those moments happen live.

And that’s what I love about sports, especially high school sports. You get to see the raw emotion up close and feel some ownership as a fan of that team. Let’s face it: we all feel like state champions in basketball, don’t we? And there’s nothing wrong with that, even though we never stepped foot on the court.

Our teams at NRHEG have some chances to be pretty darn good this year. The football team returns some key players and has some young kids ready to step into big roles. The volleyball team also returns plenty of experience. The wrestlers feel like they’re ready to make a big step this year.

Basketball should be fun again this year. I firmly believe both boys’ and girls’ teams have legitimate shots to play in the section finals and give themselves a chance to go to state. Along the way, who knows how many of THOSE moments we might see. Why not come out to some varsity events, just in case?

Word of the Week: This week’s word is puissance, which means power or strength, as in, “Panther athletes showed their puissance with winning records and deep playoff runs.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!

The scurs were betting on the ’74 Gremlin X Weather Eye to finally deliver on rain in a forecast and deliver it did. Now the burning question: Were there any leftover Kelvinator freezer parts used in its manufacture? Let’s hope not. Starting Wednesday, partly sunny becoming mostly cloudy by evening with an increasing chance for rain into the overnight hours. Highs in the mid-70’s and lows in the low 60’s. Thursday, mostly cloudy with a good chance for showers and thunderstorms. The beginning of a warming trend with highs in the low 70’s and lows near 60. Mostly cloudy Friday with a modest chance for rain showers. Highs in the mid-70’s and lows once again around 60. Saturday, mostly sunny becoming partly cloudy by evening with a slight chance of a shower or thunderstorm. Highs in the upper 70’s and lows in the low 60’s. Mostly sunny Sunday becoming partly cloudy by evening with a slight chance for an evening shower or thunderstorm. Highs in the upper 70’s and lows in the low 60’s. Labor Day Monday, mostly sunny with a slight chance of a shower or thunderstorm. Highs in the upper 70’s and lows in the upper 50’s. Mostly sunny on Tuesday with highs in the upper 70’s and lows dropping into the mid-50’s. The sun will set before 8 p.m. on August 27th, the first time since April 16th.The normal high for September 1st is 78 and the normal low is 56. The scurs are readying for the onslaught of those yellow livestock hauling contraptions. Yes kiddies, it’s time to go back to school.

What a wonderful week last week turned out to be in terms of rainfall for most in the greater Bugtussle area! A more scattered rain fell on the 19th with more even coverage on the 22nd. More rain fell over the weekend bringing most totals for the week to well over an inch. These were welcome rains to help maintain the ear tips on the corn as well as help fill some of the flat and small pods in the soybeans. Some of the more mature corn has reached the dent stage (R5) and the most mature soybeans are also beginning to push R6 in places, typically where earlier varieties were planted on the earlier side. Some SDS (Sudden Death Syndrome) and white mold has cropped up in the soybeans since the rain. Soybean aphids have been largely controlled, although some who sprayed early might be wise to continue monitoring those fields for possible re-infestation. Potential weed control issues are readily apparent in many fields with waterhemp and giant ragweed being the main problems. 

Another Pro Farmer Midwest Crop Tour is in the books. It came up so fast and was gone just as fast. On the eastern leg of the Tour, it went about as one might’ve guessed although some of the rumors about 300 bu./acre yields being commonplace in Illinois were dispelled. Also the myth about all the double ears while we were at it. As Chip Flory pointed out in our wrap up in Rochester, if you’ve got double ears you didn’t push plant population enough. All in all it was probably the most complete corn and soybean crop in the states of Ohio Indiana and Illinois I’ve seen in the 11 years I’ve been going on the Tour. Sure there were some spots in some of those states that were better than others but there always are. When you looked at the big picture they were minimal. That’s what it takes to make the kind of yields being forecast nationally.

It’s still great to be home with autumn looming ever closer on the horizon. Ready or not there are subtle hints that it’s on the way. Orioles appear to be making their last hurrah with many brightly colored males gracing the feeders. I was wondering when I purchased that last jar of grape jelly if I’d really need it. Apparently and another batch of sugar water to boot. Labor Day is typically about the last we see of them at the ranch so we’ll see how much longer they hang around. The hummingbirds are in full force as their migration from the north is likely underway. Coming around the corner of the house Monday morning I almost had a collision with one, narrowly missing me as it zipped by my chin. There are more hummingbirds than ever at the ranch this year as they’ve enjoyed diving into a smorgasbord of numerous salvia varieties, impatiens, four o’clocks and morning glories. They largely have Mrs. Cheviot to thank for that.

Desperately trying to catch up on a suddenly overgrown lawn, I noticed the bur oak acorns had all fallen while I’d been gone. The garden too had changed after the rainfall, exploding with string beans, sweetcorn, more cukes and tomatoes. One of the nicest things was the mosquitoes were conspicuously absent for what seemed to be the first time all summer. And it’s always great to be able to sleep in your own bed once again even though my internal clock seems to want to stay on Eastern Time. I don’t usually sleep all that well the first few nights as it’s a strange bed and there’s too much unfamiliar noise. Someone I was visiting with on the Crop Tour said they preferred the “white noise” of the city to sleep. Not me. It is so comforting sleeping with the windows open, knowing you’re in your own bed, hearing crickets and grasshoppers chirping, Ruby snoring on the floor as well as a great horned owl hooting outside. All is right with the world.

See you next week…real good then.

Remembering the life of Rock Leier….

Funeral Services for Rochus “Rock” Wesley Leier Jr., of rural Hartland, will be held at 2 p.m. on Sunday, August 30, 2014 at Vibrant Life Assembly of God Church in Ellendale. The Reverend  Patrick Stitt will officiate. Visitation will be from 5 to 8 p.m. on Saturday at the Vibrant Life Assembly of God Church in Ellendale, and continue one hour before services on Sunday.  Bonnerup Funeral Service is assisting the family.

Rochus (Rock) Leier Jr., son of Rochus A. Leier and Helen (Becker) Leier, was born on July 24th, 1932, and passed away on August 27th, 2014.

Weight watchers sought in Ellendale

If anyone is interested in joining Weight Watchers in Ellendale, please contact Patti at  (763) 267-5959. We need 15-20 people to be able to have the meetings.

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Pet Adoption Day set for Sept. 6

The Rescued Animal Coalition (RAC) of SE MN is having their 4th annual Super Pet Adoption Day. It will be held on Saturday, September 6 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the Rochester fairgrounds. For more information, contact the Steele County Humane Society at 507-451-4512 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

Stella Delores Langlie, age 85, passed away at New Richland Care Center on Tuesday, August 26, 2014. Funeral services for Stella will be 11 a.m Friday, August 29 at First Lutheran Church in Ellendale, MN. Reverend Richard Sliper will be officiating. Visitation will be from 5-8 p.m. Thursday, August 28, 2014 at the church and one hour prior to the service. Interment will be in First Lutheran Cemetery in Ellendale.

Marvin Cecil Betlach, age 88, formerly of Blooming Prairie, died Monday August 25, 2014 at St. Therese Nursing Home in New Hope, MN. He was born November 26, 1925 at his rural Blooming Prairie home, to William and Katherine (Bina) Betlach. He was raised on the family farm and made his living as a farmer in the Blooming Prairie area until his retirement. Marvin served his country in the United States Army in Korea before his discharge in 1948. On February 15, 1949, he was united in marriage to Marjorie Klemmensen at Geneva Community Lutheran Church. He was a member of Trinity Lutheran Church in Bixby, MN. Marvin enjoyed his time gardening and playing cards. In November 2005, Marvin moved from Blooming Prairie to the Twin Cities to be closer to his family.

Memorial services for Alice Richards will be held at 11 a.m. Thursday, August 28, 2014 at the United Methodist Church in Ellendale.  The Rev. Randy Cirksena will officiate.

Visitation will be held Wednesday, August 27 from 5-8 p.m. at the United Methodist Church, Ellendale and one hour prior to the funeral service. Alice died at the age of 87 on Friday, August 22, 2014 at Mayo Clinic Health Systems, Albert Lea, surrounded by family and friends.

The summer of 1994 I had my first teaching experience. After we had taken a few education classes, we had to go out in the field and observe a teacher for a period of time. Mine happened to fall in the summer for some classes in Rochester which motivated students had signed up for. I had a broad range of teachers and classes I observed, but I was most taken by a comedy class.

The teacher of that class taught about the importance of comedy in our lives and used various funny people from the past century to illustrate that. He would show snippets of Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, etc. As we got closer to the end of my time, he asked if I’d like to try my hand at preparing a lesson. This was my first chance to do it, and he told me to focus on modern comedians.

The first person I thought of was Robin Williams. He had recently appeared in Aladdin and Mrs. Doubtfire, but the movie I grabbed off my shelf was Good Morning, Vietnam. This was a movie that had both funny and heart-rending elements. After watching the movie again, I managed to find a school-appropriate segment of Adrian Cronauer (Williams) doing his radio show, much of which was ad-libbed. Needless to say, it was a hit with the students.

While pausing this past week to contemplate the loss of Robin Williams to a supposed depression-induced suicide, this movie swam to the front of my mind again. If you watch it, notice the frightening parallels between his character and what seems to be his actual life.

First, you have the vivacious on-air personality of Adrian Cronauer, who bucks the trend of what he’s supposed to do in delivering the news to the military personnel in Vietnam. Every time I’ve seen the movie, I burst out laughing at these moments. This is the Robin Williams most people think of, the same guy who voiced the Genie in Aladdin, setting up a type of character that is still often seen in animated movies. This is the same actor who dressed as a woman to be able to see his kids in Mrs. Doubtfire, the same person who burst on the scene spouting, “Nanoo, nanoo,” as Mork from Ork.

As the movie progresses, Williams’ character grows more in tune with what’s happening in Vietnam, and he sees some tragic circumstances. His depth of despair at an inability to do much in the field is palpable, and he realizes the only way he can help in this conflict is through his humor.

This seems to be Robin Williams, the man. He was beloved for his humor, even though he earned an Oscar for Good Will Hunting. Some people will argue his best work was in that movie and Dead Poet’s Society, movies that were decidedly not comedies.

Still, his stand-up work and those resonating comedies are probably how Williams thought he could be special and help people through laughter, just like the character of Adrian Cronauer. But deep inside, he felt helpless, like that character. Williams is known for having fought the demons of alcohol and cocaine and most recently Parkinson’s disease, though it seems that depression was his ultimate enemy.

I’ve written about depression and anxiety before, having had a few bouts myself and knowing others who have fought them. It’s terrible that such a gifted person was unable to overcome this ultimate battle. So many people are in the same boat, and we often don’t have a clue; he’s not the only one who uses acting to cover up the problem.

Like Williams, I’ve found solace in using humor to mask any insecurities I have, though that’s where the comparison ends since he was infinitely more funny than I could ever hope to be. I’ve also found that I can confide in people close to me, and that’s the key to this fight.

If you have anxiety or depression issues, please find someone with whom you can confide and find the proper help, even if it’s professional. You are special too, even if you might never portray Teddy Roosevelt on the big screen, and every person we lose to depression is tragic, even if you don’t trend on Twitter.

Word of the Week: This week’s word is stroppy, which means bad-tempered or touchy, as in, “The Genie was rather stroppy after being locked inside the lamp for so long.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!