Whatever Flips Your Waffle (192)
Last week was American Education Week, recognizing all those involved in educating our children. This week is Thanksgiving, where we pause from our busy lives to give thanks for the many gifts we have in life. These two ideas have mashed-up for this week’s column!
Gary Nordlie, former English teacher at NRHEG, passed away recently. He was a legend when I arrived in New Richland in 1996 and retired three years later. However, as my mentor, he helped guide me in the right direction as a teacher. He didn’t utter a word about what to teach or how to teach it in those three years. However, he gave me valuable advice that made me not only a better teacher, but a better person.
Naturally, the Mr. Nordlie stories have been flowing freely among the staff that knew him. Every story ends with a laugh and a smile. He may not have always been a traditional teacher, but that’s what made him even better, and that in itself helped to inspire my methods of teaching.
The best advice he ever told me was this: “Always wear a tie to parent-teacher conferences. There’s a chance you might have to tell parents their child is a moron, and you’d better look good when you say that.” And now you know why I almost always wear a tie, not just to conferences, but every day at work!
I’ve seen so many tributes to Mr. Nordlie on Facebook, and it got me to thinking about teachers who inspired me. Everyone can name at least one teacher that had a profound impact, but a few come to mind for me.
Mr. Craig Galvin was my third grade teacher. Mr. Galvin was that fun teacher who interacted with every student and knew how to push each of us to achieve at our own levels. The biggest impact Mr. Galvin had on me was his monthly assignment to write a story. Most of these were creative writing, which can be difficult for third graders. I was motivated to have my classmates vote my story the best each month and kept pushing myself to be more and more creative.
I still have all those stories. It’s fun to sit down and read them sometimes. I know I wouldn’t enjoy writing today without the guidance of Mr. Galvin all those years ago. Thank you, Mr. Galvin!
Mrs. Lorraine Boesch was my eighth grade language arts teacher. She was a much more traditional teacher, and many kids didn’t like her, probably because her class was tough and her expectations high. I thought I could get away with some easier books to read for book reports, but she nailed me on that and kept giving me books that were long and different genres. I would shake my head, but read them…and often found some great works of literature.
I never would have read Louis L’Amour or Johnny Tremain if not for Mrs. Boesch. I started to understand her dry sense of humor during that year. Looking back, I adopted some of her style when it comes to expectations in my own classroom. Thank you, Mrs. Boesch!
Mr. Larry Tise was my English teacher for two years in high school. He was a long-haired guy who you never would have pictured teaching in a Catholic school. Despite the rawness of his demeanor, he presented material in an unforgettable way. We’d often sit in a circle and just talk about whatever was going on, and then he would use that for an assignment, and we wouldn’t even realize that we were working.
Mr. Tise died a few years ago, right before I was ready to teach a writing lesson that he used for us. Every year, I continue to teach a creative writing prep lesson before my students write to music, and every year I dig out the writing I did for Mr. Tise the day he taught that lesson to me. Thank you, Mr. Tise!
Dr. Marjorie Dorner was an English professor that I took for four classes at Winona State. She was the toughest teacher in the department, and my goal was to get an A in one of her classes. I finally did in her Modern Drama class, because I finally got over my intimidation of her and went and asked for help. I was amazed as she compared the paper I was writing to the first one I had ever written for her in my freshman English class!
Dr. Dorner was a pleasant woman once you took the time to get to know her. Looking back, I wish I had done that sooner. It was tough when she would be blunt about if my work was terrible, but that helped me tremendously to look at my writing with a keener eye. Thank you, Dr. Dorner!
Look at that – Mr. Nordlie has inspired again – a whole column’s worth! I just hope one of his wishes never comes true. He used to so enjoy the hamburger gravy and mashed potatoes at school that he said when he died, he wanted his ashes mixed in with the next batch. I think I’ll bring my own lunch that day.
Word of the Week: This week’s word has been named the 2013 Word of the Year and will be added to the dictionary. It is selfie, which is a picture taken of yourself that you use in social media, as in, “The teenager kept taking selfies until she found the perfect one for her Facebook profile.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
It’s time to play that fabulous game show, What Would You Do as a Parent? once again! Pick the best answer to the following question:
If your child did not complete homework, what would you do?
A. Punish the child by taking something away that was important
B. Reward the child once homework returned to the expected routine
C. Throw up your hands and give up on the child
And the correct answer is…? I don’t know. Wait, I know it’s not C, but I’m not sure if A or B is better.
Let’s look at the possibilities. I know that if I hadn’t been completing my homework, I would have had every privilege I had removed: TV, phone, car, etc. Would that have worked for me? You’d better believe it!
I’m pretty sure my parents would not have rewarded me for doing what I was supposed to do in the first place. And like my dad recently told my daughter, “Now that you’ve proven you can do that, it’s expected all the time.” That sounded familiar…
Why am I asking this? It’s been a challenging year so far in the middle school with late work, the most challenging I’ve had in all my years here. The rash of late work has reached epidemic proportions. I’ve called parents, visited with them at conferences, and emailed copiously. I’ve heard all three of the above choices as answers when I pose the question about what we (the parents and I) can do together to solve the problem.
That’s right, C has been the choice for some people, which just floors me. I shouldn’t be surprised by anything in education anymore, but I can’t help but have my fires stoked by parent indifference.
About a year ago, I wrote a column about homework after a parent suggested we assign too much. (Oct. 4, 2012) You can check that for all the reasons I have for homework and how I choose it. Many of the same things apply, especially the wasted time.
We’ve also had some issues with iPads and students being too distracted with games and social media to focus on the educational enhancement these devices give them. Some have had their iPads taken away, while everyone has had to get rid of games and social media while at school.
And this led me down another path of thinking. I have to stop saying, “When I was a kid…” while examining today’s problems. This generation is just wired completely differently than we were at that age, and a lot of that has to do with technology. So how do we change our way of thinking when it comes to problem solving with a group of students who were not alive during the 20th century?
I don’t know, and that’s probably what frustrates me the most. It’s tough because my own kids do their work without much prodding, and I’m blessed and thankful for that. Do I have some magic elixir that I use which works for that? No, and I don’t think I’m some outstanding parent, but it does make it difficult to deal with other people’s kids when I can’t relate through personal experience.
We’re trying all manner of ideas as a staff, trials that involve both letters A and B. I never want to resort to letter C, but when parents walk that path and don’t show support for both their student and the school, it’s tough not to join them. The simple fact is that there is always about 5% of the population that we might not ever get through to, but there’s another 10-15% that are borderline. Can we salvage their education and point them in the right direction? I hope so, but to do so, we may have to find out what answer D is, and that’s the true challenge.
On a different note, I’m proud to announce the publication of my second novel, Heroics 201, a sequel to my story about super heroes in a realistic world. I believe either can be read on its own and enjoyed, but if you are interested in either or both, they can be purchased directly from me or through Amazon. They might make a fun Christmas gift or, hopefully, just a fun read!
Word of the Week: This week’s word is pilgarlic, which means a bald-headed person, as in, “The teacher soon became a pilgarlic from pulling out his hair over missing assignments.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
This is my 18th year of teaching junior high English at NRHEG. This is also my 18th year of teaching the American classic Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain. This is a novel that is considered a must read by most English teachers, if only in preparation for one of the great American novels, Huckleberry Finn.
However, a couple years ago, publishers came out with new editions of these books, having changed some of the vocabulary. Set during the mid-1800s, both novels use a derogatory term for slaves. Tom Sawyer also has a negative word for Native Americans. Twain was portraying a realistic vision of life at that time, since he lived it. But because of that language, some areas have banned the books and created these new, “improved” versions.
Yuck. You’ll never see one of those in my classroom. I view this as a valuable teaching opportunity to show how the words we use can demean others, even if many think it’s okay. If you grew up in the 1840s, you might very well have used that type of language; your parents probably did. Much like I commented on last week with profanity, we learn at the feet of our parents what language is okay to use. Plus, we should learn the ugly parts of history that infected our country, not just the good things.
Censorship is a foul word. That might seem a contradiction after I ranted about swearing last week and how I change some words when reading to my son. Let me clarify: I wouldn’t teach Tom Sawyer to third graders. There are other books my students read that have profanity and other mature themes. I wouldn’t let my own kids read those until they reached my class either. But let’s be realistic: every one of those kids sitting in my classroom has either heard and/or used every word that is in those books.
Again, these make for prime teaching moments. Just because one of the antagonists in The Revealers gets upset at one point and cuts loose a bit doesn’t mean that it is not good literature. It might be looked on as unfortunate, but it’s realistic to hear a middle school student use that kind of language in anger.
Using profanity for the sake of shock value doesn’t hold much water with me. However, when it seems to fit a character and is not part of every chapter, I find it okay to suggest as reading. I ask people who protest the use of these books if they’ve ever watched TV with their kids where there is swearing or seen a movie like that. The answer is always, “Yes, but…”
But nothing. Use that as a chance to have a candid discussion with your child. Why is that language being used? What function does it serve? Is it okay for us to use it?
Early in my career, my friend and colleague, Mike Weber, had a novel he was teaching removed from his classroom by his administrator, based on the complaint of ONE parent about mature content. Guess what? The waiting list at the library was overflowing with students who wanted to finish the book. Censorship only serves to make kids want to read this supposed bad book. You want kids to read something? Tell them they’re not allowed to do so!
If we hide our children from all the ugly realities of the world, they will not be prepared to cope with those realities when faced with them. My 8th graders read a book called Tex, by S.E. Hinton. There are scenes of kids getting drunk and stoned. Teachable moments! The novel does a nice job of showing the after-effects of such activities, things that teens often don’t think about when making those choices.
I have always asked parents who have questioned my choice in reading material to read the book before decrying its validity. I invite them to keep a copy at home and have family discussions each night. Every parent who has taken me up on this has found that these books provide a great experience, especially when shared.
The old saying tells us not to judge a book by its cover. You need to delve in to find the gems inside, and banning books or changing them doesn’t allow those gems to be discovered.
Word of the Week: This week’s word is tragus, which is the small fleshy projection at the front of the ear, extending over the opening, as in, “The student kept scratching at his tragus as the teacher read the novel, not quite sure he was hearing things correctly.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
Last week, I wrote about my abounding love for comic books. I’ve been passing along that enjoyment to my children, and Anton has really taken to them. We sit and read new comics all the time; he enjoys Thor, Iron Man, Captain America, and anything Avengers. Anton, at age eight, is certainly old enough that he can handle reading them on his own, but there’s something cool about sitting and reading them and then talking about the stories after we’re done.
One thing we don’t talk about is how Dad changes some of the words. He’s often so busy looking at pictures that he doesn’t see I change a word to heck or darn instead of what is printed. Unfortunately, this is taking away somewhat from this otherwise enjoyable pastime.
Have you noticed this trend toward more profanity everywhere? There was a time when you could sit down as a family between 7-9 p.m. and not worry too much about what your children might hear. Now it’s commonplace to hear words that would have gotten my mouth washed out with soap had the nuns at school heard me use them! In reality, there are very few words that you won’t hear at some time on television; only one comes to mind that I haven’t heard on cable, and that’s the one that can be used in some form as every one of the seven parts of speech.
I enjoyed a new show this summer on FX called The Bridge. It was an addictive mystery series that involved characters that lived across the border from each other in Texas and Mexico. I heard a lot on that show, including learning the Spanish versions of many swear words.
Is this reality now? Do so many people make profanity such a regular part of their vocabulary that it’s hardly noticeable? I saw an X-Men movie in the theater, and it seemed like hardly anyone blinked when the f-bomb was dropped during a PG-13 film. I still sit up and take notice when I hear so many of those words being broadcast in some form.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not some holier-than-thou preacher. I’ve been known to utter some profanities, mostly in anger. When I was a teenager, I know my mother would have blushed to hear me with my friends sometimes.
Maybe it’s my background in language and vocabulary, but it always seems like swearing is a shortcut instead of an idea that is well thought out. Much like many people, especially teenage girls, tend to insert the word “like” between every other word, others do the same thing with profanity. It seems the easy way out; maybe the person thinks they sound cool.
I don’t take offense when adults swear around me; it’s their choice. I just find it a bit unnerving that it has seeped so deeply into our society that I find kids in school who don’t think it’s wrong to say “hell” or “damn” as a regular part of their speaking. In fact, as I type this, I’m thinking that when I was growing up, I never would have seen those words I put in quotation marks in print in a newspaper! But there they are.
When students tell me something “sucks,” I’ll suggest they find a better way to phrase that, some way that sounds more educated. Maybe we can make an effort to do that with harsher words. It seems so many kids hear the adults around them swearing a blue streak that they don’t realize how much trouble it can get them in during certain social situations. It might not impress that date, it might not sound good in a job interview, and it might be said without realizing there is someone behind you that you’d rather not have hear you speaking that way.
There will come a time when Anton will call me out on what I’m reading. We’ll talk about it and speculate on why He-Man might say that, but I’ll hope to not set the example of sounding that way around my kids.
Word of the Week: This week’s word is lapsus linguae, which means a slip of the tongue, as in, “The teacher had a lapsus linguae when he meant to talk about a pirate ship, which turned his face quite red.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
In 1979, my parents bought me my first comic book, Fantastic Four #212. In it, the super powered foursome fought off old age as their enemies, Galactus and the Sphinx, battled each other. I was hooked!
I still have that issue. I also have all the issues I received from a subscription over two years’ time to The Amazing Spider-Man. Now I was really hooked. All those comics are battered and bruised, some without covers anymore from so many re-readings.
Some time in December, I will hit 10,000 comic books in my collection. Since that magical day 34 years ago, I have steadily built a library of comics that fill the shelves I had built for my office.
What is it about these four-color wonders that lured me in and has kept me reading them, even as I start my fifth decade? It may be any number of things. I think, though, that deep down, I have realized that part of my great love of reading overall has come from comic books.
For many years, collecting comic books was viewed as a nerdy thing to do. It’s only in the past few years that super heroes have become really cool. When movies with Batman and the Avengers make a billion dollars each worldwide, they can’t help but be cool. And here sit all the prior nerds with our collections, citing first appearances of Batman (Detective Comics #27, 1939) and Thor (Journey Into Mystery #83), nodding and smiling because we knew all along that comic book heroes were awesome.
If I’m really honest, I’ll tell you that I related to characters like Peter Parker (that’s Spider-Man’s secret identity, in case you were wondering). He was a mousy teenager, unsure of himself, pretty smart in school, but not very good around girls. I saw a lot of him in me, and many people who cite their favorite book, movie, etc. can relate to a character in that story.
I’m not sure for which character I have the most comics. It may very well be Spider-Man, though it could be Superman too. I do know that my longest consecutive run of one comic is Captain America. In addition to having every issue from 206-454, I have almost every comic of his at least in a reprint form. That’s a lot of patriotism!
I think I would have enjoyed reading a lot, even without comic books. After all, by the time I got my first one when I was five, I already liked books. However, I’m a proponent of the idea that comic books can help those who claim to not like reading. I have a number of these kids in my classroom every year.
As I’ve explored why kids don’t like to read, there could be any number of reasons, some of which involves lack of exposure to books when they were young. However, the idea I get from many is that they struggle to picture what is happening as they read. Those of us who love books can visualize everything as it occurs, soaring through the air with Harry Potter on his broomstick or sitting in the courtroom with Atticus Finch.
Comics can be a solution to that problem. They present the picture for the reader, allowing a reluctant reader to help that imagery along. With more exposure, comics can help kids find an enjoyment in reading and nudge along the visualization process. Will it be a solution for everyone? No, I’m sure it won’t, but it’s worth a try, isn’t it?
I keep bound collections of comics in my classroom and urge some of those struggling readers to try them. For some, it has worked. Others are still afraid of the stigma of being seen with them. For anyone who might be interested in seeing if it would work with your child, let me know. I’m happy to lend out my collections. Plus, I have a number of free comic books that I received from the Little Professor Book Store to give to kids.
Who knows? That one comic could help lead your child to a love of reading. And maybe a lack of shelf space in his or her office someday!
Word of the Week: This week’s word is primogeniture, which means the right of inheritance belonging to the firstborn child, as in, “The comic collector’s eldest child passed up her primogeniture, allowing her brother to have their father’s entire comic book collection.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
In 2003, Chris Moneymaker (yes, that’s his real name) won the World Series of Poker Main Event, cashing in to the tune of $2.5 million. Moneymaker won a seat at the tournament by winning a satellite event for $39. Prior to this, he had never played in a live tournament. After his win shook the poker world, Texas Hold ‘Em, the game played at the Main Event, exploded into worldwide popularity.
Part of this was helped by the fact that ESPN broadened its coverage that year, and many more people started watching. I was one of those people. I’d always enjoyed playing card games, but had not played much poker and had never played Texas Hold ‘Em. Like many others, I was entranced to watch the action unfold since the TV audience could see the players’ cards and follow the action much differently than by just sitting at a card table.
Following Moneymaker’s win, I started playing some poker online. I never gambled my own money, but played free tables, just trying to figure out the game. Concurrently, local establishments started holding free roll tournaments, enticing people to come out and play poker tournaments, hoping to offset the prize money with the money that would be spent at the bar.
The first live tournament I played was at the Ellendale Muni. It was a slow day, with only 16 players. Obviously a rookie, I had to be reminded when I was in the blinds and how to place my bets. It was a lot different than clicking on a mouse!
To my surprise, and the surprise of everyone there, I won the tournament! My final hand was Ace-Nine, and I spiked a nine on the final card to beat my opponent’s pair of eights. That day was the start of my love affair with poker. I continued to go to tournaments in Ellendale and occasionally in New Richland. I did well enough in a decent proportion to come home with cash, but I gained more than that.
Most of the folks around here that play poker are really fun people. Nobody takes these tournaments all that seriously. We try to play cards the right way, but not every hand is treated like a life and death situation. If someone shows up wearing sunglasses, they usually get ridiculed. Where do you think you are, Vegas?
Playing poker for me is sort of like getting my hair cut. I enjoy the company and discussion as much as the real reason I’m there. Over the years, I’ve met a lot of people that I wouldn’t otherwise encounter. Many of the regulars (or semi-regulars, as I’ve become due to a busy Saturday schedule) know about important life events in each others’ lives, and I know some that get together outside the poker world.
This camaraderie is genuine. I know I can ask Kevin and Kelly how their daughter’s teaching in Texas is going. I know I can give Loren a hard time and he won’t take offense. I know Denny and I can visit about the Twins and hold a good conversation. I know Otto is reading my column right now and will have something to say about it the next time I see him!
Where I’ve really seem the friendship is at funerals, strange as that sounds. The area poker family has lost some of its staunchest members over the years, and there are always a great number of other players at the wake and /or funeral. This is not just a casual game; it is a friendly game in the truest sense.
I enjoy my poker family. I love driving over to New Richland at 12:30 on Saturdays at the Liquor Store to sit and shoot the breeze and try to hit that one card that will put me over the top or give me a story to tell about beating the odds. The truth is that all of us who play and know each other have beaten the odds by having a group of good friends. Now if only one of those friends would front me $10,000 to enter next year’s Main Event…
Word of the Week: This week’s word is xanthodontous, which means having yellow teeth, as in, “The poker player’s xanthodontous smile showed that he had been at the poker table too long and needed to attend to personal hygiene.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
I had the opportunity to clean out my desk at school while Jayna was at volleyball practice recently. While doing so, I happened upon a plethora of post-it notes with some quotations. Over the years, when a student says or writes something hilarious, I make note of it. Now it’s time to share some of these kid-written items which have given me a chuckle while wading through papers. I’ll withhold names to protect the non-proofreaders, but know that some of these go back quite some time!
While writing about a character who was wounded, one student wrote, “He started to bleed eternally.” Wow, I don’t think a band-aid will fix that.
Another student was answering a question about an inability to read among some characters, but said this was “because no one on the island was literature.” Well, they are now!
One student was trying to put together questions for a school-wide game show we were going to hold and wrote, “How many testicles does a squid have?” I’m thinking the answer here is NOT eight.
In responding to a movie, a student postulated, “Some people might not like the fighting because it promotes violets.” If fighting brought us flowers, more people might try it!
Something that always gets me is when a student misspells a word that is actually part of the question. Case in point involved a question where I asked who the conflict of the story involved. The student’s response? “The conflict evolves a kid and his mom.” I guess growth in a character is good.
After losing a bet to my students about their standardized test scores, one star asked me in a note, “How did you feel after you died and cut your hair?” The death part wasn’t so great, but I did need a haircut.
One of the funniest class moments came while reading Tom Sawyer. I was explaining Jackson’s Island, the location where Tom and his friends run away. One student raised his hand and speculated it was hard to reach since it must be one of those floating islands. Huh?
After reading some non-fiction, one student was answering some questions about a nature selection and told me, “Rattlesnakes stay in golfer holes in winter.” I bet the gophers are glad they’ve moved!
In a persuasive paper about school lunch, a student who lived close to the school gave a strong opinion. “I think that kids should be able to go home if the lunch is grouse.” Funny thing is that we’ve never had grouse since then – the power of the pen!
Another student wrote about staying at a Bread and Breakfast, while one told the class that Euranium was the language spoken by people in Europe.
I had one student who battled sickness and ended up in Rochester often. She wrote, “When I got sick and was in Mayo, I met a lot of people who I licked that were very sick.” No wonder she kept going back!
Two common mistakes I’ve seen over the years are these two. At least every other year, I read about someone trying to use an escape goat. Even more often is reference to having a bomb fire. I’m glad I’m not invited to those parties!
One party I wouldn’t mind attending is the one where a student attended the national champion chip. I wonder if that’s before or after the Super Bowl.
Here are a couple that would make their mothers blush. A student wrote that the Loch Ness Monster is a breast that’s been hunted for a long time. Well, no wonder! Another student was writing about an event in her grandma’s life where she had to bring snacks for the members of the band. She wrote, “My grandma met her mother with the teats. Every band member grabbed two of them.” I guess they hadn’t found the Loch Ness Monster either.
I’ll end with some local geography. Class discussion led to how Vatican City is the smallest country in the world. One star said, “No, Hope has to be.” I told him that Hope is a city. “Yeah, but it’s in the country.”
If laughter is the best medicine, I should be healthy for some time!
Word of the Week: This week’s word is mumpsimus, which means a view stubbornly held despite evidence to the contrary, as in, “The student’s mumpsimus about his mistakes led to some humorous moments in class.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
The Chinese have a saying that roughly translates to, “May you live in interesting times.” We’ve certainly had that at NRHEG over the past week, with two lockdown situations in two days.
These lockdowns were for very different reasons. However, both were to provide safety for our students. Lockdowns are never fun, but based on all the unfortunate violence in and around schools in the last 15 years, they are necessary.
I’ve seen all manner of blowback online and heard it in person too. One person thought it was dumb to keep kids in the school if there was a threat from within. However, there have been so many situations where someone put a threat inside a building, only to be waiting outside as students poured out of the building. As I told this person, the locked doors and cement blocks will protect us a lot better.
Parents are always concerned; they have a right to be. I was worried, and I was in the same building as my daughter! At least I was able to assure my wife that everything was fine here. Even there, I limited what I told her. I know that goes against my marriage vows, but there’s no need to speculate if I don’t have facts. (Hopefully, this statement doesn’t affect my ability to say Happy Anniversary to Michelle this week!)
Speculation leads to rumors which can lead to slander or worse. It also amps up parent worry. When kids start texting what they think they heard from someone who heard it from someone else in the two minutes between the announcement to go to lockdown and when the lights went off, it can only be bad news.
We’re all human. We gossip. It’s very natural. But as I mentioned in my previous column on the negative aspects of social media, things can get out of hand in a hurry.
Here’s what parents need to know in these situations: There is a potential danger at school, the students are safe, and the proper authorities are doing everything they can to resolve the matter. Outside of that, wait for official information.
That doesn’t help if you’re a parent at home or work when the call goes out. You are going to worry. Still, helping to spread the stories isn’t helpful and might lead to worse situations down the road.
Once the situations were resolved and people had a chance to let all this settle in, I found a sense of anger. The vast majority of our students were mad at having their educational time taken away from them. Sure, some kids relish getting out of class, but most of them would rather be in class than huddled in a corner in the dark for two hours.
Most kids genuinely want to learn. These incidents took away some of that. Teachers expressed anger as well. If someone was trying to get out of class for a while by putting a threat out there, that’s very upsetting. It puts everybody in a panic. If you didn’t want to be in school that day, come down with a case of fakeintitis or something, but leave the rest of us out of it.
I’ve written about parental responsibilities before; here’s another example. Please monitor your children’s social media. Maybe there was some clue from some child that this was going to happen. Check texts, tweets, and statuses. This can help nip things in the bud, since we know that kids always talk about things; privacy means nothing to them.
Dr. Goodwin and Mr. Bunn have done so much work in developing a positive culture in our school, but they seem to have hurdle after hurdle placed in front of them. (Luckily, Mr. Bunn has track experience from high school!) I truly hope we can have a time of normalcy and show them what true Panther Pride is about and just how outstanding our communities can be. Oh, and it would be nice if we didn’t need to hear the word lockdown again until we need to practice for the 2014-2015 school year!
Word of the Week: This week’s word is interminable, which means seeming to be without end, as in, “The wait during the lockdown seemed interminable to students, staff, and parents.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
When we become parents, we sign a letter of intent to embarrass our children every opportunity that arises. I’ve been fulfilling that agreement to an extreme.
See, I get distraught when I see a sign in a business that has a grammatical mistake. I can’t help it; I’m an English major! It doesn’t help that I read a book called The Great Typo Hunt about two friends who crossed the country, correcting mistakes on signs, sometimes whether the store owner wanted them to or not!
Inspired by that, I’ve taken it upon myself to point out these mistakes to businesses whenever I see them, even if my wife or kids are with me. One of my pet peeves is the misuse of words on bathrooms. Okay, if you have one man, it’s man. If you have more than one, it’s men. The same goes for woman: one is a woman; more than one is women.
Thus, if you want to show possession of the bathroom, you need an apostrophe. If women possess the bathroom, it’s the women’s room. If men possess the bathroom, it’s the men’s room. Yet over and over, I see womens and mens rooms.
Naturally, I take it on myself to tell the proprietors or managers that there are no such words as womens or mens. Half of them look at me quizzically; the other half give me the same look your average teenager does when you suggest they change a bad habit.
If you visit the Target dressing rooms in Owatonna, the Kohl’s bathrooms in Owatonna, or the Perkins restrooms in Austin, you will find these mistakes. I even saw it at Crazy Horse National Monument when we visited South Dakota a couple of years ago! At least there when I mentioned it to an employee, she said, “I know. I used to be a college professor, but they won’t even listen to me!”
Michelle works at a sign company. She’s very good with grammar (one of the many reasons I was attracted to her!), but occasionally she will send me the wording of a sign to make sure it’s correct. I remember at least one time when she told the owner who wanted the sign that she had to change the punctuation, and he demanded she leave it as it was. She tried to explain why it was wrong, but you know the saying: the customer is always right! Except when they’re really, really wrong!
I’m being really careful as I type this since I’ve noticed many apostrophes in my writing, especially in the use of “it’s.” Here’s another mistake I see all over. It’s really pretty simple. If you can insert “it is,” you use an apostrophe. If it’s possessive, you do not use an apostrophe.
It’s ironic that as I started typing this column, I also started a chat with my old colleague, Heather Carlson. She knows one of my teeth-gritting apostrophe items well. It has to do with Christmas cards. If you’re reading this in October, there is plenty of advance warning to make sure you get it right this year! (If you don’t, don’t worry. We’ll still hang up your card!)
When people sign their Christmas cards, they like to include the family name. Since there is usually more than one person in the family, they will write the plural version. For instance, we will sign ours “The Domeiers.”
And here’s the rub. People sometimes get crazy with their apostrophes. Perish forbid they use them in “it’s” or “women’s,” but you’ll see more often than not a Christmas card signed with an apostrophe in the last name. Here’s something you will never see: “The Domeier’s.” That would indicate there’s only one Domeier, and that this person owns something that hasn’t been named. Plus, this person thinks so highly of him/herself that the article “The” is used, as if this person is the only one!
Don’t feel like you have to put an apostrophe after your plural last name either. You’re still not owning anything. You’re simply a plural entity. “The Domeiers” is just fine (unless you’re not a Domeier, in which case you should put your own last name!).
Wow, can you tell I’ve been correcting essays and papers? I’ve got punctuation on the brain. Enough for now; class is dismissed!
Word of the Week: This week’s word is orthography, which means the practice of spelling correctly, as in, “The teacher demanded his students use orthography, meaning they had to spell the pronoun you as more than one letter.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
First, an item of business from last week to clarify. I’ve mentioned how much I enjoy the fact that so many former students read this column online from wherever they are. Last week, one of them, Matt Bartsch, sent me a thoughtful message regarding my comments on photos on Facebook of drinking. He talked about businesses wanting to see people who are social and enjoy being with other people and that those pictures often convey that. Matt’s astute observation leads to this clarification: pictures of falling-down drunkenness or references to drug use would be bad things. If you’re of age, and there’s a picture of you out with friends enjoying a beverage, there’s nothing wrong with that. Thanks, Matt, for opening my eyes to that!
Also, by the time you read this, my daughter Jayna will have turned 12. It’s amazing how quickly our kids grow up, and I’m very proud of the young lady she is turning into. Happy birthday!
This past week, Michelle and I watched the season premiere of Survivor, now in its 27th iteration. We’ve seen every episode of one of the first (unreal) reality shows! Maybe it’s the competition, maybe it’s the personalities, but we faithfully watch people on an island battling nature and each other for a chance at a million dollars.
So what does your resident waffle flipper watch when he’s not busy writing columns or correcting papers? I’m glad you asked! Other than Survivor, there are a number of other shows I’m excited about this season.
We’ll miss The Office, but a new show is on Thursdays called The Crazy Ones, with Robin Williams. I’ve always loved his zaniness, though my faith in new sitcoms is not very high. It seems tough lately to come up with something funny that doesn’t have to degrade every character to get a laugh.
I’m a super hero freak and have enjoyed all the Marvel Comics movies, so it’s no surprise to anyone that I’m highly anticipating Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD. It may not have super heroes every episode, but it should be good fun to explore the inner workings of the Marvel Universe with Agent Coulson and company. Along with that, I started watching Arrow on the CW last year and really wanted to NOT like it. I have never been a big Green Arrow fan in DC Comics, but this show managed to keep me coming back every week based on good subplots and also not taking itself too seriously.
Speaking of shows I didn’t want to like last year, there was also Elementary, a modern day version of Sherlock Holmes set in New York. After watching the latest BBC version of a 21st century Holmes, I figured nothing could measure up. I was wrong; while the CBS show is not to the level of its counterpart across the ocean, it is great fun to watch Holmes and a female Watson solve crimes CSI style. This might be the returning show I’m most looking forward to.
Michelle and I have also been watching the newest version of Whose Line Is It Anyway?, an improv show that’s had many different versions. If you’ve never seen an episode, do yourself a favor and tune in or find an old episode online somewhere. You’re guaranteed to laugh at some point!
There are also plenty of cartoons that my son Anton and I watch together, including Teen Titans Go, Avengers Assemble, Ultimate Spider-Man, Hulk and the Agents of SMASH, Beware the Batman, Legends of Chima, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It’s great fun to pass on my love of cartoons to him!
Thanks to Senora Olson at school, we’ve been watching Modern Family and enjoying the exploits of this non-traditional group of people. I still struggle to see Ed O’Neill as anyone other than the famed Al Bundy though! But here’s the point. Sometimes a small suggestion by someone leads you to discover something wonderful, and Modern Family is something we might not have watched except for Senora’s suggestion.
There you have it! I’m not sure when I’ll have the time to watch all of these, but that’s what my DVR is for. If you ever run across a great show, let me know. I might wait until summer to watch it, but I’ll always take a look at something different. And hopefully, you might have found something new to try from my list!
Word of the Week: This week’s word is plutolatry, which is excessive devotion to wealth, as in, “The online player developed plutolatry while playing Farmville, before realizing none of those coins counted in the real world.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
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“Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” This quote is often attributed to Mark Twain, though his actual words were somewhat different. (Someone must have seen it differently on the Internet, so it must be true.)
I thought of this quote the other week when I logged into Facebook and saw rumors spreading about the death of a dear friend from our area. I knew she was sick, but had heard positive reports recently, so I was shocked. Thankfully, this report was also exaggerated, though it was a good example of how things can get out of hand due to social media.
Last week I talked about some of the positive aspects of Facebook and its ilk. Now it’s time for the flip side.
The previous example was not the first time I had seen an untrue rumor online. It happens too frequently. It’s a little like playing the old telephone game. One person tells another something, but by the time it reaches the end of the line, the message is so garbled as to be unrecognizable from the original.
As English teachers, we constantly tell our students to double-check online sources. Unless you find something on CNN or ESPN or some other major outlet (that does its own research), don’t trust it. The same should go for rumors: you’d better be sure before you put something on your Facebook status or tweet something.
And it’s not just our kids. Look at all the professional athletes who tweet before they think. Those athletes often face monetary repercussions. What kids don’t realize is they could be affected monetarily down the line for things they post now.
Here is a difficult concept for our teenagers to grasp today: privacy is gone unless you personally do something about it. Facebook defaults quite often to allowing everyone to see everything you post. And teens being teens, they often post trash, picking fights online because it’s safer than doing so in person. College kids post drunken pictures, not thinking about who might see them.
Having been part of interview teams the last two years at school, you’d better believe I snooped around potential candidates’ Facebook profiles. This has become common practice in the business world. If you find someone who’s posting pictures online of getting drunk and worse, is that someone you want working for you?
You can set your privacy settings so only people you “friend” can see what you post, but there’s another problem. Some people friend anyone who asks. I’ll occasionally get requests from people I don’t recognize. I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I haven’t seen a former student in some time, and they may have a different name through marriage, so I’ll look for mutual friends to try and make a connection. If nothing rings a bell, no go.
I’ve asked kids about the number of friends they have and just how many are people they actually know outside this online world. The answer is often startlingly small. I talked to my own kids this summer about online predators and how to filter people who “follow” them on Snapchat or Instagram.
Here’s another area that leads to struggle: time. I do have to keep an eye on the clock when I’m logged in. It’s very easy to get focused in a poker room or keep playing some Zuma until I beat my high score. As I write this, I’m going back and forth to check if I have another life yet in Candy Crush while I contemplate my next thoughts. It’s way too easy to waste an hour in front of the computer, not being very productive. I can’t imagine if I got Facebook and Twitter connected to my phone!
Still, as I mentioned last week, social media is not going away. We need to focus on the positive and work on training our youth to overcome the negative before it gets much more out of hand. Otherwise, some people might quickly learn the fable of the boy who cried wolf if they continue to spread those rumors.
Word of the Week: This week’s word is vaguebooking, which is purposely writing an unclear social media status in order to garner attention, as in, “She was vaguebooking by putting ‘Don’t know what to think anymore,’ and trolling for attention from others instead of just writing what was wrong.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
I’m a Facebook addict, I admit. Ever since former student Allison Waage helped introduce me to it many years ago, I’ve been hooked on the social network. It’s been a great opportunity to catch up with old friends and to get to know others better.
I check the site at least once a day to keep up with news, see who is having a birthday, and play my daily doses of Candy Crush and Zuma Blitz. It’s been really great in that regard, though I still curse the people who hooked me on my games.
Facebook has had many benefits. My classmates and I basically organized most of our 20-year class reunion via Facebook. Most of our class is on there, so it was easy to communicate and get numbers on who would attend.
I was able to find so many high school classmates, as well as college friends, online because of Facebook. Some of these people from college and high school have really spread out across the country, and it’s been fun to catch up with them. The same goes with former students who have headed to college or gone on to great careers and families. In fact, the other day I got a message from one in college who needed some advice. She got a pretty quick reply!
When I want to talk to all my sisters at once, I log into Facebook rather than go to my email. I usually get a quicker response. Boy, you should have seen the lightning-fast responses I got when I put on my status that we were selling our minivan; who needs the classifieds?
I’ve even found some educational benefits. First, there are some great links to teacher sites, and I’ve even won a couple of contests through those, netting myself a nice sound system for my school computer as well as a personal voice amplifier (though whether I need that is debatable!).
I also made the decision early on to allow students to “friend” me. This was, in part, because Allison was in my class at the time she helped me get set up, and once I allowed her to friend me, I opened the floodgate.
Some teachers frown on this practice. It has actually been very helpful, both for students and for me. First of all, it makes me very cognizant of what I post. I don’t ever put anything online that I wouldn’t want my students to see or know about me, so I have a very clean homepage.
Secondly, it’s opened up communications between my students and me. There aren’t many kids who will call a teacher at home if they have a question, but they are not afraid at all to ask online. I’ve helped numerous kids with homework over the years, and that’s a positive item.
Another thing this allows is to help guide kids away from trouble. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go creeping around my students’ Facebook pages. However, if something pops up in my news feed that is concerning, I’ve been quick to communicate with that student, whether it is to warn them away from posting some potentially volatile comments or to give them a place to vent about a problem.
The simple truth is social media isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. If anything, it’s expanding. People can rant and complain about it, but it’s better to embrace some things and see how to make it a positive experience. I have a Twitter account, but rarely check it. It’s too overwhelming for an old guy like me; I’m not quite plugged in enough to want constant updates about people, but I’m sure it will lure me in at some point.
Facebook is just fine for me for now. I’ve found a lot of benefits, even if I spend too much time crushing candy. Of course, with anything that has positives, there are also some negative aspects, and I’ll look at those in yet another “to be continued” column next week!
Word of the Week: This week’s word is logomania, which means an obsessive interest in words, as in, “The columnist’s logomania was evident in the vocabulary he used as well as his daily new words in his classroom.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
Change in education often moves at a glacial pace (unless it involves the government changing its mind about what is necessary about as often as a new boy band pops up). Teachers are loath to change what has “worked” for years.
Trying something new often brings resistance, but that’s with any job. If you are comfortable, why change?
As I enter my 18th year of teaching, I’m bringing a drastic change to my classroom: no grades. That’s right, no A’s, no B’s, etc. It will simply be pass or fail. Now that you’re jolted awake, allow me to explain my rationale for this experiment.
First off, grades don’t really matter in junior high. Sure, you have a GPA, but it doesn’t count toward graduation or scholarships or anything. I’m looking for a way to track my students’ improvement or lack thereof. Thus, if you do your work and show improvement, you pass. If you don’t, you fail.
There is a lot of research out there from teachers who have tried this. There is some negative feedback, but by and large, I found plenty to justify giving this concept a try.
For many years, I’ve struggled with students who are happy to get a D. “Whew, I didn’t fail!” That’s a tough attitude to deal with for me. I also have students who work very hard but struggle mightily, and the grade ends up in the D range. We all know that brings a negative connotation, and it demoralizes a child who works hard, but can’t find much success.
There are also the kids who know how to work the system. They find extra credit to boost a grade. On the other hand, some slack off, doing just enough to get the grade that won’t get them in trouble at home.
The people who tend to dislike this system the most are high achievers; they want to see their A since it quantifies their efforts at the top of the scale. The people who tend to like this system are the ones who don’t have to worry about the negativity of a low grade.
I will be setting a baseline for each student based on a number of projects we will do at the beginning of the year. Following that, we will chart growth together, and I will work with each student to move them ahead. Some kids will only move fractionally forward, but that improvement will be beneficial in the long run. Students who normally excel will be pushed to go even higher.
What this ends up being is differentiation for each student. Every student learns differently to some degree, and my goal is to set each one on a path to improvement and success. I’m very aware this will create much more work for me, but we’re entering an age in education where growth is being judged, and both students and teachers will be looked at differently based on that positive change.
As I visited with some other English teachers from neighboring schools, it was brought up to me that this might alleviate some of the anxiety and pressure students feel, both to avoid failing and to fear that slight dip in a grade that might bring down the wrath of parents.
Will I get this all right the first year? I’m sure I won’t; there will be some missteps along the way and some things I will do differently in the future. In the end, that will show growth for the teacher as well, and growing in whatever we do should be viewed as more important than what a test score or one hour observation will ever be able to show.
Word of the Week: This week’s word is confabulate, which means to replace fact with fantasy to fill in gaps in memory, as in, “The child was able to confabulate a story to satisfy his parents regarding his low test score.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!
I heard on the radio recently that a study showed the two ages people are most happy are 23 and 69. I understand the 23: starting a career, establishing roots, maybe getting married. These are all things that would add to a person’s happiness. I can only imagine that at 69 you are retired and can do what you want when you want.
Over time, the idea of being “over the hill” has changed. Whereas it used to be 40, it’s now often contemplated at 50 or even 60. Those are more likely to be dates when the black balloons and cake show up.
I’d like to postulate that you are over the hill at 25. Bear with me here.
Think about a roller coaster. It seems to take forever to get to the top of the big first hill. Remember your early years. Those years dragged on, getting from your birthday to Christmas to summer vacation. That was part of the long climb.
Once you reach the top of that hill, the ride becomes a non-stop rush of excitement. You barely have time to think about what’s coming next. That would be life after 25. Every year seems to go by faster and faster. That’s not always a bad thing, but sometimes we miss the details on the roller coaster of life.
I’m turning 40 soon. I don’t try to hide that, and that number doesn’t bother me in the least. Forty is the new 30, and you’re only as old as you feel. My body tells me I’m definitely in my 30s and can’t do everything I used to in my younger days, but I can’t foresee getting out of bed on my birthday and suddenly feeling old and decrepit. After all, I’ve already long since gone over the hill of life.
At a recent check-up, my nurse told me that I looked pretty good for someone nearly 40. I figured that was pretty good to know. I must; in fact, I was carded while in Florida! It’s obvious to anyone who knows me that I had a baseball cap on, covering up all the hair that is much lighter than my normal dark covering.
Don’t let age get the better of you! It’s all mind over matter, and if you keep living your life to the fullest, you get the most out of the ride!
Speaking of semi-important events, this week marks the beginning of my second year at the helm of this column. When I started, I honestly wondered if I would be able to come up with enough topics to even write for a year. As it stands, I’ve still got quite a list to work from in coming weeks, and the world has had a way of providing fodder for waffle flipping.
I feel very humbled every time I meet someone new who tells me he or she enjoys my column. I’ve met people at parties, at school events, and even in the receiving line at a funeral home who have introduced themselves and had encouraging words about my writing. Thank you to all of you who read my diatribes, and I enjoy the commentary I hear.
It’s also nice to have a number of former stars read this online from wherever they roam. I enjoy the Facebook interactions and the face-to-face ones when they are back in town.
Not everyone enjoys this space; I know I’ve tweaked some folks who don’t agree with some of my ideas, and that’s fine. I always welcome a good dialogue with people willing to give their name.
Thanks again for reading, and I’ll do my best to keep flipping as I hop back on the roller coaster ride of life and plunge along the track, picking up speed all the time.
Word of the Week: This week’s word is postulate, which means to assume something is true, as in, “The lawyer postulated that his client was innocent at the beginning of the trial.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies!