Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

"Today is the first day of the rest of my life."

"How true."

"But it seems like last Thursday."

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: that which does not kill us causes us to consider buying more insurance.

I’ve learned

1. Because I’m a man, I dress by smell. I sniff clothes and if they smell O.K., I wear them. How can a man tell if the shirt he is thinking of wearing is dirty? If he wonders if it’s dirty, it is.

2. To never trust a “welcome” mat.

3. A birthday is the major cause of aging.

Farming

I feel as if I live in London, England. London has the famed Big Ben. I live near a 440,000-bushel grain bin. A bushel is about 56 pounds of shelled corn. I reside near Big Bin. Big Bin is an evident sign of farming, unlike wrenches. I’ve dropped a number of wrenches from tractors through the years. I seldom recovered any of those lost wrenches. There are enough missing wrenches that fields should be blooming in chrome. Jim Knutson of Hartland said that isn’t likely to happen. He claims that wrenches have a poor germination rate.

The box

Harold Williams is a professor at Auburn. A friend of his built a fine, small, wooden box. Highly-crafted lettering on the cover of the box reads, "In case of fire, open."

The box sits on a desk, where visitors see it. People notice it and are compelled by curiosity to open it.

Inside the box, is more lettering. It reads, "Not now, stupid!"

Pasty

I ate a pasty in Meadowlands, Minnesota. It was delicious. A pasty is a pastry case filled with beef, sliced or diced potato, rutabaga (swede), and onion. It's seasoned with salt and pepper. It is made by placing the uncooked filling on a flat pastry circle, and folding it to wrap the filling, crimping the edge at the side or top to form a seal. The result is a raised semicircular package that is then baked. In the 17th and 18th centuries, the pasty became popular with Cornish workers. Tin miners found it to be a complete meal that could be carried easily, eaten without cutlery, remained warm for several hours, and if it did get cold, it could be warmed on a shovel over a candle. A pasty is a filling comfort food even if pasty rhymes with nasty and not tasty.

Did you know?

People who use big forks eat less, but only when eating from a plate loaded with food, according to a study from the University of Utah.

“Mother wit” means native practical intelligence or common sense.

“Winklehawk” is defined as the L-shaped tear in a piece of cloth or clothing.

A myoclonic jerk is that twitch that happens as you're falling asleep and wakes you up. It’s also called a hypnic jerk, hypnagogic jerk, sleep start, or night start.

A sharp gift

I looked at a Browning knife.

The clerk, a woman, told me, "I know that I don't look it, but I have three children."

I’m not sure why she shared that information with me, but I spent the rest of the day trying to find a woman who looked as if she had three children.

I gave the Browning knife to my nephew as a Christmas present. In some cultures, giving a knife symbolizes severing a relationship. A knife indicates the end of a friendship. This untoward result can be avoided if the recipient smiles pleasantly when receiving the gift or if money is included for the recipient to "buy" the knife. The traditional amount to include with the knife is a penny. I gave my nephew a penny. He smiled.

Nature notes

Squirrels nest in tree hollows or in a treetop dens, which are 12- to 19-inch ball-shaped nests made of leaves, twigs, and bark. Squirrel nests are called dreys. Gray squirrels mate twice a year, typically from December to February and again from June through August. Fox squirrels mate twice a year, from December to February and from June through July. Red squirrels mate in late winter.

Talking to the Holstein

I was talking to the Holstein the other day. The Holstein is a retired milk cow, so she has time to talk. I asked her how things would change if cows ruled the world.

The Holstein chewed her cud thoughtfully and said, “There would be no wars or lawn mowers.”

Meeting adjourned

A kind word echoes.