Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“I spent three hours looking for my fountain pen. I’ve got to start hiding things in plain sight.”
“Did you find it?”
“No, but I remembered that I don’t own a fountain pen.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: never stand under a watermelon tree.
I've learned
1. Everything doesn't have to come up roses. Dandelions are nice, too.
2. Worry is the gift that keeps on giving.
3. It's cheaper to kiss someone at an auction than to wave at someone.
Hotel story
Darkness still enveloped the world. The kids were up early. Two girls and a boy. The family was traveling, so the youngsters were rousted from their beds so they could get on the road early. The hotel offered a continental breakfast — muffins, bananas, cereal, coffee, juice, etc.
I watched the boy. I'm not good at guessing ages, but I figured he was about 12. He looked at the cereal offerings. He surprised me when he didn't choose one of the sweetened cereals that color the milk. He picked Cheerios. Good old Cheerios. His selection caused me to recall the Cheerios Kid. The Kid and his friend Sue were featured in TV commercials. Sue would get into trouble and then shout "Help, Kid." The Cheerios Kid, after eating cereal to power up, would quickly deal with the problem.
The boy filled a bowl with Cheerios and then poured chocolate milk on it before covering it all with the contents of numerous sugar packets.
A sign of the times
On the door of a small town business, I saw this. "Back in 15 minutes. I've already been gone 10."
Cold enough for you?
We spend our winter days answering the question, "Cold enough for you?" How do you answer that? You answer it by saying, "It's so cold that..."
1. I opened the refrigerator door to heat the house.
2. Legislative hot air froze.
3. My mailman scans my mail and e-mails it to me.
4. I chipped a tooth eating soup.
5. I had to use ice scrapers on my contact lenses.
6. A snowman begged to come indoors.
7. I didn't clean my house. I defrosted it.
Parking
The woman said that she bought a car equipped with a self-parking function that eliminates the difficulty of parallel parking. She told me that she’d been driving for 40 years and that the last time she had parallel parked was when she took driver’s training. I thanked her for sharing and added, "Parking is such street sorrow."
Nature notes
In the classic Dick and Jane books, Dick said, “Look, Jane, look.” Dick was a visionary. If you keep looking, you might see a snowy owl. This owl is a large, diurnal owl with a rounded head, yellow eyes, and black bill. Adult males may be nearly pure white. Females and young birds have some dark scalloping. A snowy owl is 20–28 inches long with a 49–57 inch wingspan. It weighs 3.5 to 6.5 pounds. Its thick plumage, feathered feet, and coloration make it well adapted to life north of the Arctic Circle. There are more snowy owls than usual this year, but how do you find one? Look for snow that blinks. We see what we look for. The snowy owl is a tundra dweller, so it typically is found on the ground, utility pole, fence post, hay bale, or building. An airport is an attractive site for this beautiful visitor.
My favorite fortune cookie
Read, “I cannot help you, for I am just a cookie.”
Did you know?
There are 57 members of Congress who are among the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans by net worth.
Stephen Hawking says that the one mystery he has been unable to solve is women.
The average American eats nearly a ton of food annually — 1,996.3 pounds.
From the mailbag
Sue Levy of Texas writes, “If I'm not home accepting what I cannot change, I'm probably out, changing what I cannot accept.”
Ric McArthur of Ontario sends these, “I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. When I see a hubcap collection on a barn or a fence, I am always confused. Should I slow down for a rough road or should I go fast so they don't steal my hubcaps?”
Meeting adjourned
Plato said, “There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.” Be kind.
