Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
"My Uncle Phil McAvity pulled my tooth."
"Have a toothache?"
"No."
"Bad tooth?"
"No."
"Then why did he pull it?"
"It was my Christmas present."
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: I should be extremely kind and compassionate to those around me during the Christmas season, because I never know who will be my Secret Santa.
I’ve learned
1. When you stop believing in Santa, you get underwear.
2. Tangled Christmas lights teach us patience and perseverance.
3. A discount Christmas tree drops needles faster than a bad knitter.
4. If you eat so much that you turn green, someone will hang tinsel on you.
5. If you insist on sticking food up your nose, you belong at the kids’ table.
6. Oysters appear just when you think it’s safe to eat stew.
Christmas considerations
Things were quiet. That was no surprise. Most of the people were in China or India. I listened to Simon and Garfunkel sing about a winter’s day in a deep and dark December. Some folks complain that "nice" and "cold" do not belong in the same sentence, but it was nice and cold. Actually, it was nice, cold, windy, snowy, and icy. There must have been an earthquake. Anyone who has ever owned a snowglobe knows that earthquakes cause snowfalls. I wrapped presents. Finding the starting point on a roll of Scotch tape is nearly as great a struggle for me as was shopping for the presents.
A sound of the season
I ring bells for the Salvation Army. It’s a gift I give myself. It feels good to help. As I rang in the grocery store, a stream of shopping carts carrying clementines and cat litter went by. I encouraged folks to buy peanuts in the shell as the store had made a mountain out of a molehill of goober peas. I told shoppers that a shopping cart had been owned by a little old lady who used it only after church on Sunday. I made a Christmas wish on behalf of all clueless shoppers such as me. I wished that products offered in the store were in alphabetical order.
As I rang and spoke to dear hearts and gentle people, a man approached and asked, "Have you seen my wife?"
"No, but I don’t even know your wife," I answered.
"Then how do you know you haven’t seen her?"
Did you know?
Aluminum Christmas trees were first manufactured in 1958.
According to The White House Historical Association, the first White House Christmas tree, decorated with candles and toys, was placed in the second floor oval room in 1889 for President Benjamin Harrison and his family.
Santa Claus is a city in Indiana.
Retail detail
Karen Daniels of Williamsport, Pennsylvania volunteered at the American Bald Eagle Foundation’s gift shop in Haines, Alaska. Karen admits that her skills are better suited for being a greeter than a cashier. She was behind the cash register when a customer purchased a moose poop Christmas ornament produced by Turds R Us. The price on the ornament, which was guaranteed to bring a tear to the eye of a recipient, was $5. Karen rang it up as $5000. That made it the gift shop’s best day ever.
"I don’t think my credit card will cover it," protested the customer.
"Shall we try it and see?" said the ever-helpful Karen.
They didn’t try. Credit cards and moose poop have their limits.
Nature notes
"Where do squirrels sleep in winter?" Gray and fox squirrels sleep in dens and drays. A den, usually a tree cavity, is typically used in winter. The hole is lined with leaves, moss, fur, or feathers. A dray is a basketball-sized nest of leaves and twigs built in the upper branches of a tree. Summer drays may be just a platform. Winter drays are warm and waterproof. Red squirrels sleep in dens and drays, too, but they may den in a log. Gray squirrels mate twice a year, typically from December to February and June through August. Fox squirrels also mate twice a year, usually from December to February and June through July. Red squirrels ordinarily mate once a year in late winter.
"Do any birds eat the red milo that's in some seed mixes?" Yes. Gambel's quail, curve-billed thrashers, and Steller's jays love the stuff. None of those birds are found in Minnesota or Iowa.
Meeting adjourned
May peace and happiness be yours at Christmas and may kindness be your gift to others.
