Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

"I went to the eye doctor. He said that I need glasses."

"He could tell that from an eye test?"

"No, he based it on the fact that I thought I was in the dentist’s office."

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: I spoke at a vendor’s show and found myself the owner of several new pens bearing advertising. I remember when I had to wait for school to start to get a new pen.

I've learned

1. I love Halloween because it turns the cobwebs in the corners of my office into decorations.

2. You know you're getting older when you start saying your bedtime prayers at noon so you won't fall asleep before you finish them.

3. You're getting older if you think instant messaging is passing notes in class.

The news from Hartland

Fuel’s Paradise offers a premium gas list to its discriminating customers.

Stand by for braking news from Jack Tupp’s Auto Repair Shop.

PETA Cattle Ranch uses curling irons instead of branding irons.

Ask Al

"Why are businesses more likely to hear from unhappy customers than happy ones?" Because the happy ones are at home clapping their hands and singing, "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands."

"Did you ever intercept a pass during a football game?" Once. It was the last game I ever refereed.

"Why do wives correct their husbands so often?" Because their husbands are wrong so often.

Scenes from a car

Family car trips involve family and a car. There is usually too much of one and an excess of the other. Conversations such as this one are repeated.

"Are we there yet?"

"Is the car still moving? If it is, that means we’re not there yet."

"How many more towns?"

"Ask your mother."

Cafe chronicles

Sue Stadelman lives in Shawano, WI. Her maiden name was True. Her brother married a woman named Sue. Occasionally her brother runs into someone in the course of his employment who asks him if he ever knew Sue True. He replies, "Yes. She used to be my sister. Now she's my wife."

The language

When people ask me how I am, I tend to reply, "Swell."

A former schoolmate, Georgia Dinneen of New Richland, responds in similar fashion, but adds, "If I were any sweller, I'd be swollen."

A traveling man

I drove into Oshkosh, Wisconsin, a city with numerous roundabouts. They were slightly reminiscent of the roundabout that foiled the Griswold family in National Lampoon’s European Vacation. I traveled in the best of circles. I didn't get lost in the fine city of Oshkosh, but I did become dizzy.

Bug zombies

My wife found her workplace invaded by boxelder bugs. Some of the bugs assumed positions on the floor. Each was on its back with its legs crossed as if it were in a casket. There they remained unmoving for a long time. She swept up the dead insects and placed them into a wastebasket. It wasn't long before the dead boxelder bugs began crawling out of the dustbin. They were boxelder bug zombies.

The windshield fairy

A Hartland resident had a cracked car windshield. She called a windshield replacement company that agreed to send a van to her residence. The windshield would be replaced right there on the street in front of her house. The van arrived and the new windshield was installed — in a neighbor’s car parked nearby.

Nature notes

A swirling flock of blackbirds landed in the tree of my yard. The tree dropped leaves to make room for gossiping birds. As I stepped outside, I heard the moaning of one tree cradled in the limbs of another. It was windsong. Winter brings a fair amount of deprivation. It takes autumn from us. Each morning, I want fall to last one more day.

Wild turkeys are omnivores. Their main source of food is plant material — grasses, green leaves, and seeds. Acorns, fruits, and berries are important during fall and winter. They eat grasshoppers, dragonflies, snails, beetles, and salamanders. Young turkeys (poults) consume large amounts of insects for protein. Wild turkeys nearly always feed on the ground, rarely feeding while roosting in trees. They feed heaviest during the two to three hours after leaving the roost in the morning and again during the two to three hours before sunset.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to Cross of Glory Lutheran’s Soup and Pie Supper on Nov. 7 from 4:30 to 7.

Meeting adjourned

“The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being.” — The Dalai Lama