Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

"Do you have a baseball bat I could borrow?"

"Sure. What do you want it for?"

"I want to use it on the next person who asks if it’s hot enough for me."

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: whenever I come across a product that I particularly like, I’d better buy a few of them because whoever makes it will stop making it.

I’ve learned

1. Walking into a spider web is more effective than caffeine in increasing alertness.

2. When putting together ready-to-assemble furniture, allow ample time for frustration and disbelief.

3. Buy the biggest recliner you can find. You’ll grow into it.

The news from Hartland

Dogcatcher loses his job after catching the dog.

Residents notified of smoker moving into the neighborhood.

Local man lies about making $5,000 a month working from home and so can you.

Customer comments

John Beal of Faribault writes that his uncle, Clarence Beal of Milan, MN, had a skunk enter the basement through a window left open. A friend advised him to place a plank from the floor to the window so that the skunk would find its way out. After checking later to see if the plan had worked, he found there were two skunks in his basement.

Kenton Larson of Alden told of going to Bruzek Hardware in New Richland. He found the hammer handle he needed, but noticed that there were two price tags on the handle — one 10 cents higher than the other. Kenton inquired as to why the two prices. He learned that one was the price of the handle and the other was the price of the handle installed. Kenton had it installed.

Greg Spurr of New Richland has been battling an illness. Greg is tough and is winning the fight. It’s frightening to receive a harsh reminder of mortality. Kind-hearted Greg said he didn’t know where he was headed if he lost the battle, but he didn’t pack a winter coat.

Take me to your ladder

The wind had blown a few shingles from the roof of my house. Al Dirnberger said that he could fix that for me. He stopped by one day, ready to do the repairs. He didn’t have a ladder and a family member had borrowed mine. I lifted Al high enough that he could climb onto the roof. I told him he would have to stay up there until I found a ladder.

Andy Griffith 

I knew Andy Griffith. He was a friend of mine. I never met him, but he and the residents of Mayberry were regular guests in my home. Andy was always welcome. Don’t that beat all.

Parade

I sat in the comforting shade of a tree and watched the world go by in the form of a parade. Some parade units moved by so quickly and so close to another that I feared it might have become a demolition derby parade. Others moved at a pace that permitted sizable gaps between units. The Gap should sponsor those. Horses are typically near the end of a parade for obvious reasons. My father claimed he liked politicians better than horses because politicians didn’t poop during parades. That’s usually the case. Many units threw candy. Some candy, tossed by someone not possessing a strong throwing arm, landed on a horse apple. That placement challenged the fervor of a child’s hankering for candy.

I’ve been reading

Stephen Hawking started A Brief History of Time with an anecdote. A well-known scientist gave a lecture on astronomy. He described the earth’s orbit around the sun and how the sun, in turn, orbits around the center of a vast collection of stars called our galaxy. At the lecture’s end, a lady said, "What you have told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant turtle."

The scientist gave a superior smile before replying, "What is the turtle standing on?"

"You're very clever, young man," said the lady. "But it's turtles all the way down."

Nature notes

“Do birds taste their food?” Birds have taste buds, but in comparison with other animals, they have few. Therefore, their sense of taste is probably not as sharp as other animals. A chicken has 24 taste buds, a starling 200, a mallard 375, a human 9,000, and a pig 15,000.

“Does a duck’s quack echo?” It does. Not all ducks quack.

Chautauqua

Thanks to all the nice folks who took the time to say "hello" while I spoke and led a nature walk at Maplewood Park in Waseca.

Meeting adjourned

Kindness is just the tip of the niceberg.