Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting

"I was just in Des Moines."

"I’ve never been to Wisconsin."

"Or, apparently, in a geography class."

Driving by the Bruces

I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: if you have to ask how much gas costs, you can’t afford it.

I’ve learned

1. It takes people longer to leave a parking space when an automobile is waiting for it.

2. Many drivers of rural roads have the philosophy, "No cop, no stop."

3. That one of the least popular tattoos is, “Ask me about my grandchildren.”

In the barbershop

I sat in a barbershop where the only thing the barber guaranteed was that a customer’s hair would be shorter than it was before he got a haircut. We talked about a friend who was suffering from a devil called dementia and had reached the point where even his name was unfamiliar to him. By a quick vote, it was decided that if one of us ever got to the point where he couldn’t remember his name, because of where we live, Johnson would be a good guess.

I talked with a farmer. We talked of various things — mostly farm-related. We had a henhouse filled with leghorns that were prolific layers of white eggs. Heavy hens that typically became chicken dinners, such as Rhode Island Reds, produced spectacularly brown eggs. I found them more beautiful than the white eggs. One year, I bought some Araucanas from Murray McMurray Hatchery. They laid lovely blue eggs. Talk about eggcitement!

He told me that he milked 300 cows. I responded that even with modern technology, it must take him a long time to milk that many cows.

"It does. It takes an incredibly long time," he replied, "but what is time to a cow?"

I can almost taste the radish sandwich

The man from Rochester told me he lived next door to an avid gardener. The neighbor takes pride in having the first vegetables in the neighborhood. His tomatoes are always the first to the table. The neighbor told everyone he had planted his radishes early this year. The man from Rochester bought some radishes at the local supermarket. He waited for the neighbor to leave home. The man from Rochester pushed the store-bought radishes into the ground where the neighbor had planted the radishes. It was a very early crop.

Peanut butter in the what?

There was peanut butter in the toaster.

I knew because my wife told me. She likes me to keep up with current events.

She didn’t say it in so many words, but I think she was accusing me of putting peanut butter on my bread before putting it into the toaster.

Has anyone ever done that? At least anyone over the age of six?

I have never been busy or dizzy enough to make that mistake — yet.

Dandelions

I watched a rabbit eat a dandelion. I watched a groundhog eat many dandelions. I’ve eaten dandelions through the years. Not bad. The dandelion is rich in vitamins A, B complex, C, D, iron, potassium, and zinc. I’ve enjoyed the free vegetable by eating newly emerged leaves in salads and on sandwiches. The plant is named for its lance-shaped leaves. Dents-de-lion means “the lion’s tooth” in Old French. The Rolling Stones sang, “Dandelion don’t tell no lies. Dandelions will make you wise. Tell me if she laughs or cries. Blow away dandelion, blow away dandelion.” Children and newspaper columnists from Hartland, Minnesota have always been fascinated with dandelions. A legend says that if you blow on the downy seed head of a dandelion and all the seeds blow away, your wish will come true. Another says that the number of puffs it takes to blow all the seeds off the fluffy head of the dandelion indicates the time of the day.

Nature notes

“How long does it take a Baltimore oriole to build a nest?” The average time for the female to weave a nest is four to eight days. She builds a new nest each year, often in the same tree used in the past. If you put out string or yarn for nest building, make the approximately six inches long.

“Why are warblers called warblers?” Most likely because they vaguely reminded Europeans of the tiny birds they called “warblers,” the Old World Warblers to which our gnatcatchers are related.

Meeting adjourned

A kind word takes but a second to say and forget, but to someone who needed it, it can last a lifetime.