By DEB BENTLY
Staff Writer
Column/Opinion
The philosopher Socrates observed hundreds of years ago that if a group of us could gather together and toss all our problems in a heap, we would look over the sorrows and difficulties piled there, then quietly gather our own back again and go on our way.
This week I met 6-year-old Rourke Wacholz. From what I saw, he’s a spunky kid–energetic, a little rebellious, and excited about the room makeover that will be happening at his house this week. An organization called “My Happy Place” has arranged for new paint, new carpeting, a new (lofted!) bed. This will all happen while he and his family are away: On Sunday they will return to see how it all came together.
Wow! Wouldn’t that be nice…
But here we are, looking at Socrates’ collection of troubles.
I don’t think any of us would trade places with Rourke and his family, since the spunky young fellow was diagnosed with leukemia shortly after his fourth birthday, and has been dealing with treatments, medications and side effects ever since.
Asked how he feels about it, he replies that he doesn’t like it. A simple but profound response.
When I was born in 1959, I was my parents’ third child. Their first, David, had just died of leukemia at age 4–a wasting disease that there was, at the time, no real treatment for. So however our hearts ache for Rourke and his family–and mine does–there is a set of troubles they would not trade for.
I am deeply impressed by the Wacholz family and their response to adversity. They are doing the best they can under difficult circumstances. They are making adjustments and looking for ways to help keep things tolerable. They are finding ways to lighten the burden–one the rest of us wonder whether we could face–while continuing to move forward.
Though Rourke’s mother, Chelsey, says she does not feel as if she is strong, what I saw tells me that she is. My thanks go to her family for letting me visit, and for sharing so richly and freely of themselves and their experiences.
On my drive home, I thought about troubles. I thought about the times we are jealous of others, even to a point where we are harsh or unkind because of that jealousy.
And then I thought of Socrates–although it took me a while to remember which philosopher I was quoting. Life on the temporal plane, and by that, I mean here on earth, is just plain hard. We may see others whose lives seem ideal, who encounter no difficulties we can discern. But I think we’ve all seen that veil torn more than once, and so we know there is no such thing as a trouble free life.
What do we do with that? Well, though we might dream about trading with others, the simple answer is we can’t. It takes only one car ride’s home worth of thinking to realize that, like Rourke and his family, we do what we can. We find a way to fix what’s fixable, to bear what’s bearable, and we seek out others whose company and compassion make our burdens lighter.
We do not waste our time with jealousy or with feeling superior, because just as the song “Closer to Love” reminds us, we are all only one phone call from our knees. Even though our country’s entire economy is based on financial gain, it cannot be our focus. Money does not dry tears; it does not tease us until we cheer up; it does not look us in the eye and let us know we are loved.
We all need each other: The ones who are in the greatest need are those who have not figured that out.