NRHEG Star Eagle

137 Years Serving the New Richland-Hartland-Ellendale-Geneva Area
Newspaper of Record for NRHEG School District
Newspaper of Record for Waseca County, MN
PO Box 248 • New Richland, MN 56072

507-463-8112
email: steagle@hickorytech.net
Published every Thursday
Yearly Subscription: Waseca, Steele, and Freeborn counties: $52
Minnesota $57 • Out of state $64

The past two summers, I challenged some of my students to help me with some columns over the break. They gave me the first and last lines of a potential fictional short story. My task was to take those lines and write the middle. It was a lot of fun, so I’ve asked my students to help me again. This week’s inspiration was provided by Erin Jacobson.

As I struck out in slow pitch softball, I did a kind of pirouette, just not as graceful as a dancer. Now, people strike out in softball all the time, but to do it when the ball is lobbed in gently, underhand, is the epitome of embarrassment. To swing and miss three times at that is the ultimate form of failure.

When you strike out in slow pitch softball in front of your students? That compounds matters tremendously. Amidst the gales of laughter, I couldn’t help but notice just how many of their cell phones were out, filiming my moment of notoriety.

Let’s back up a step here. We were participating in our annual middle school softball tournament, done at the end of the school year because, let’s be honest, there’s not a lot of learning after Memorial Day. One team was missing a few players, so I agreed to hearken back to my youth and join in, much to the delight of the kids.

However, this first at-bat of the day didn’t delight me at all. And knowing that I’d soon be seen across various social media platforms didn’t help matters. Still, I brushed it off and headed out to the field with a glove that had been laying around the gym for kids who forgot their own.

The rest of the day went pretty well. I didn’t strike out anymore and even got some good hits. Still, all anybody wanted to talk about the rest of the day and even the next was me trending on Twinterest and Pitter, Snapbook and Facechat, or whatever all those social media things were. I’d been teaching for over 20 years, so this wasn’t the first time I’d done something mildly embarrassing, but I tried to put on a game face and laugh along with the students.

I wasn’t going to look online at any of the videos; some of the kids had shown me on their phones that day yet. However, when my wife mentioned that she had seen it in a friend’s share, I had to admit it was me. I tried to launch into a hermeneutic dialogue about why I looked so bad, but my wife just laughed and said she wasn’t surprised. What did I think – I was still in my 20s or something?

Knowing the Internet, it stood to reason that this trending video would flame out in a week or so, and by then it would be summer vacation. I was right; as the kids filed out on the last day of school, there was barely a mention of the “Spinning Teacher” as I was called online.

Money was tight, as usual, so I always spent my summer umpiring youth baseball and softball games to pick up extra cash. Ironic, I know, that I was considered a pretty good umpire, but had still managed to look so foolish on a ballfield. I figured wearing my mask would shield me from recognition as “that” guy.

But it was not to be. During one game, a kid hit a foul ball straight back. I twirled to avoid getting smacked in the mask and ended up doing a full 360-degree turn. I heard some murmuring in the crowd after that half inning and then was approached by a parent after the game. He asked if I was the one from the video, and I admitted it.

To my surprise, he didn’t want to ridicule me, but rather to offer me a job. This guy was part of a group creating programming to inform students about the pros and cons of social media. He wanted to use the video of me as an example of how these trends impact the people in them. All I had to do was be interviewed and allow my face and name to be clearly associated with the “Spinning Teacher.”

At the mention of $500 in payment, I jumped at it. After all, as my wife had mentioned, it’s not as if I hadn’t done weird things in the past.

It was a fun experience to sit in the studio and be interviewed. I thought everything went well, and I walked out of there after a couple days of work with my check in hand. Feeling like the money was burning a hole in my pocket, I took it directly to the bank, but figured I’d keep $50 of it as some fun money. The rest of it would help keep the bills in line at home, but I deserved this, right?

I stopped at the gas station to fill up before heading home and used some of that money on a Dr. Pepper and a chocolate-frosted, lemon-filled donut; I also bought a Powerball ticket. When I got home, I was happy and looking forward to a night in for once.

The next morning, I got up to eat breakfast and suddenly remembered I should check the lottery numbers. To my everlasting surprise, I had hit the jackpot! It was at a low point, only $40 million. Oh, no. I knew this – money wouldn’t be an issue anymore! And to think it got to this point because I made a fool of myself on a softball field!

My wife and I went out to a celebratory dinner; the next day I submitted my resignation to the school. And that’s how I started my retirement.

 

Word of the Week: This week’s word is hermeneutic, which means explanatory, as in, “The umpire’s hermeneutic talk on why he called the runner out was appreciated by the coach.” Impress your friends and confuse your enemies! 

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