As a fisherman I know that all fishermen lie. That is why this column is titles “Fact or Fiction,” as there would be lies coming from this fisherman in this column.
Based on all fishermen lie, I know that fellow columnist Dick Herfindahl is most certainly a fisherman. In a recent column, he proudly pictured granddaughter Emma holding a carp she caught. There is one problem – the picture is of a very nice “crappie.” Thus, Sir Richard, you are a member in good standing of the same fishing club as I.
For those of you who didn’t see the picture of Emma and her fish, per the local conservation officer, the fish was most certainly a beautiful sunny.
Somehow, Dr. Uben Almosthaad of the University of Minnesota Philosophy Department got wind of the picture of Emma and fish. He sent an email to Dick and me that read, “To lie is human, to lie big is divine.” As an expert in philosophy, I deem you both divine.
In having coffee with my liars fishing and hunting club, while discussing prospective new members, the following phrases must be part of the potential new members’ language:
He’s a lame duck, your goose is cooked, we’re on a wild goose chase, he gives big bear hugs, there is a wolf at the door, he’s an eager beaver, monkey see – monkey do, there are many other fish in the sea, he drinks like a fish, that’s a fish tale, he is a teller of tall tales, he acted like a fish out of water, he’s crazy like a fox, just roll over and act like a possum, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, behind every good man is a better woman, etc. etc.
After the wet snow of six inches I removed from our driveway, Genie suggested we go for a zig-zag car drive on our area of Albert Lea. (A zig-zag car drive is when you drive down a street, take a zag on another street, and see what you see.)
We saw a Paul Bunyan size snowman on Burr Oak Drive, two forts made out of snow blocks on Glenn Road, and a small mod snowman with shades and a cool hat on Marie Avenue. In conclusion, we had “snow much fun.”
We watched a squirrel eating peanut butter as he hung on one side of our peanut butter log. Suddenly he quit eating and froze tight on the log. I wondered why until I saw a hawk on a tree branch located such that he couldn’t see the squirrel. Finally, the hawk flew one way and the squirrel ran the other way.
Short Shorts
A. When you forget the importance of February 14, your importance will soon be forgotten.
B. Sign at local Tachos: Tachos Special only on days that end in Y.
C. Sign on door at western boots store: Enter with a mask, leave with a boot.
D. There are about 125 mallard ducks keeping open water in the channel under Bridge Avenue in Albert Lea.
E. A family of mink are enjoying duck meals under the bridge on Bridge
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Bob is a retired AAL (Aid Association for Lutherans) agent, currently working on his master’s degree in Volunteering. His wife, Genie, is a retired RN, currently working on her doctor’s degree in Volunteering. They have two children, Deb in North Carolina, and Dan in New York. Bob says if you enjoy his column, let him know. If you don’t enjoy it, keep on reading, it can get worse. Words of wisdom: There is always room for God.