Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
My neighbor drives me crazy. He hired a poop scooper service that removes pet waste from his yard.
What’s wrong with that?
He doesn’t have any pets.
Driving by Bruce's drive
I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Deep thoughts occur as I drive past his drive. It’s the time of the year when the natural habitat of a raccoon becomes the centerline of a highway. Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both, I took the one with the most mosquitoes. In order to combat the loss of blood and find order in the chaos, I’ve found life is good when I’m well-fed. I’ve been eating my share of apricots, peaches, blueberries, cherries and watermelon. I didn’t mean to do it, but I counteracted that by slamming my poor knee against a vicious desk drawer sharpened to a deadly edge. I’m not an easy bruise, but that collision left my knee with a contusion in the shape of Tennessee.
I went to an Ivy League grade school, and at the end of each year, my mother baked a pie or some other treat to give to my teacher. I added a thank-you note, even though I thought I’d get more brownie points if that were done at the beginning of the year.
George Eastman was a bank clerk making $1,500 a year in 1877, when he spent $94 on a photographic outfit and became interested in producing a camera. The first Eastman camera introduced in 1888 was named the "Kodak," the "K" for the first letter of Eastman’s mother's maiden name. Kodak flourished on the slogan, "You press the button—we do the rest." The Brownie camera was launched in 1900 and sold for just $1 and the film was 15 cents a roll, an affordable price that opened the door for average families to take photographs. Before the Brownie, photography was primarily the domain of professionals. Cameras were bulky, complicated and expensive. Capturing photographs was an arduous task, involving heavy glass plates, toxic chemicals and a deep understanding of the photographic process. The Brownie replaced these cumbersome methods with something far simpler and more accessible.
Now, thanks to the cellphone, we’ve all become walking cameras, where the most important things about taking a photo are to clean the lenses before using the camera and not to put any film into the phone.
I’ve learned
Some people have a Monday on days that aren’t Mondays.
Proper names enjoy playing hide and seek with our memories.
In the Tanning Olympics, the winner takes home the bronze.
Aliens from outer space built the pyramids under the supervision of Abraham Lincoln.
Penny Jacobsen of Albert Lea had an excellent suggestion that, for one glorious day, candidates for office would concentrate on what they intend to do without giving a single mention of an opponent by name, action or party.
Walking bean rows prepared me for math classes. I had to show my work.
Bad jokes department
I crossed a mosquito with a snowman and got frostbitten.
The library had a lot of books on the Titanic, but they’re all sodden now.
Someone stole fruit from the farmer’s roadside stand and left him peachless.
What does it mean if you hear, “Book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book.” It means you’ve just listened to 10 books.
The police officer told me to say the alphabet starting with M. I said, “malphabet.”
There were so many Olympians. Gymnastics alone included a few Brazilian athletes.
Nature notes
Carolina grasshopper, Carolina locust, black-winged grasshopper, road-duster or quaker is a large species of grasshopper often found basking on bare ground. They’re identified in flight by their black wings. Males crepitate, producing a crackling series of snaps or clicks as they hover or fly in a butterfly-like fashion during courtship.
Weather lore says, “For every fog in August, there will be a snowfall in winter.”
Look for migrating common nighthawks in late August. Ruby-throated hummingbirds begin migrating, with the adult males leaving first.
Tall and giant Canada goldenrods are perennials that grow 2 to 6 feet tall, have lance-shaped leaves and clusters of golden flowers that produce tufts of seeds. The flowers bloom in late summer and early fall and become enchanting insect zoos.
Fragrant wild cucumber flowers are pale yellowish-white and grow on a vine reaching up to 30 feet. The aggressive native plant has star-shaped leaves and green, oval seed pods up to two inches long and covered with sharp spines. They are inedible.
Meeting adjourned
A kind word is often a boomerang.