Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
I added a skylight to my condo.
I’ll bet you’re enjoying it.
I am, but I don’t think the people living in the condo above me are.
Driving by Bruce's drive
I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Deep thoughts occur as I drive past his drive. I was trying to carpe a diem, so I picked the lint out of my belly button. Keith Richards had outlived Richard Simmons, so I knew anything was possible. I was gruntled, thanks to seeing lightning bugs. I love fireflies. They make me high-five happy. It’s nice to see someone is using their blinkers. Technology has extended the lifespan of lightbulbs, but the Centennial Light bulb in a fire station in the San Francisco Bay Area has been shining since 1901 and outlasts modern bulbs. The light shines for 24 hours a day, and was first installed in a cart house when fire hoses traveled by carts, not by trucks. The bulb’s survival is likely because of good craftsmanship. Unlike the standard thin tungsten filaments, the hand-blown thick glass of this bulb contains a durable carbon filament. It’s filled with nitrogen gas, which is gentler than the argon and krypton gas used in later incandescents. Leaving it on 24/7 contributes to its longevity, since turning a light on and off can damage the filament. Its amazing story falls short of that of the firefly, which produces a chemical reaction inside its body that allows it to light up. This type of light production is called bioluminescence. Fireflies create light in their abdomens by combining oxygen, calcium, adenosine triphosphate, and luciferin in the presence of luciferase. A firefly is a crackerjack chemist. Unlike that light bulb, which produces heat in addition to light, the firefly's glow is a cold light with little energy lost as heat. If a firefly's light-producing organ got as hot as a light bulb, the firefly wouldn’t survive the experience.
Left-handed pencils
There are days when everything is like driving down a washboardy gravel road in an ancient vehicle, which, with careful driving, I’m able to hit every bump and feel every ensuing rattle and shutter. That can put a kink in a day. That’s when I need something different. Something like pickled radishes. The secret is in the eating. Or a left-handed pencil. You may be surprised to learn that pencils have hands. Well, they don’t. On an ordinary pencil, the text runs from the tip to the head, making it the right way up when held in the right hand. That's upside down for southpaws and portsiders. If you're right-handed, you've likely never noticed that most pencils are designed for you. A left-handed pencil appears the right way up when held in the left hand. The percentage of the US population that is lefthanded is 10.9%, and the worldwide average is 10.6%.
Ask Al
“What is the rule of thumb?” Don’t hit it with a hammer.
“What can I do about my fear of lettuce?” Romaine calm.
“Why do so many people dislike mimes?” It’s because mimes do unspeakable things.
“What tea is the hardest to swallow?” Reality.
“What president had the shortest term?” Grover Cleveland, he was the twenty-second president.
Bad jokes department
Sit in the corner if you’re cold. Most corners are 90 degrees.
Who is Tinkerbell’s smarter sister? Thinkerbell.
If Hobbits can’t live there, is it inHobbitable?
What do you call 2000 mockingbirds? Two kilo mockingbird.
When I look at a map, I look up to Canada.
What are two pairs of pliers called? Multipliers.
Why does Smokey the Bear have flat feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do ducks have flat feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out flaming ducks.
Nature notes
I watched a ruby-throated hummingbird feeding. Pound for pound, a hummingbird isn’t. The miniature marvel weighs less than a #2 wooden pencil, a marshmallow or an AA battery.
After swallows finish nesting, they gather in pre-migratory focus groups on utility wires in late July. They chatter excitedly about the gift of another day before starting a meeting without a single doughnut. It's a session with the purpose of planning for migration, including air travel tips, handling hawk emergencies, and whether to eat dragonflies with wings on or off. The young stay with their parents during a diurnal migration undertaken by a flock. They leave here July-September so they can feed on flying insects, with some swallows flying as far as Argentina.
Meeting adjourned
Turn your eyes, ears and hearts to what is good and find beauty in kindness and justice.