Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
I don’t like my Tesla.
What’s wrong with it?
I get 0 miles to the gallon.
Driving by Bruce's drive
I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Deep thoughts occur as I drive past his drive. I walked as my socks edged lower on the New York Sock Exchange and on my ankles. I heard voices in my shed. No, not voices in my head. We all hear those. I walked toward the building. I wasn’t afraid. In my boyhood, I’d held a flashlight for my father while he attempted to fix something on a dark night. No voices from a shed could be that frightening. The voices turned out to be two screech owls discussing whatever owls discuss.
A sample example
I woke up. I didn’t know I’d been sleeping until I woke up. I headed off to do things that needed doing. I pulled into a convenience store after a two-hour class. A sample lady was doing her job. I love sample ladies. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a sample gentleman, but I’m sure there are some. The offering was a lemonade/mango/passionfruit drink. She asked me if I’d like some. I did. I’d been lacking passionfruit in my life. I drove home hydrated, with my speed hovering around the speed limit. Several vehicles went by me as if I were backing up on the two-lane road. Most drivers don’t care to see a cop on the road unless that police officer is pulling over the nut who just passed us. Little did those speeders know that because the world is round (a bumpy spheroid or an ellipsoid), those who are ahead of me are behind me.
He ain’t got no book learning
I volunteered at a Friends of the Library book sale. It’s enjoyable visiting with folks about books. I recall watching some ancient black-and-white movie or TV western where one galoot insulted another by saying, “He ain’t got no book learning.”
I grew up hearing about Abe Lincoln reading by candlelight or by the light of the fireplace. When a nasty ice storm hit and snapped off power poles as if they were toothpicks, it cut off our electricity and left us without power. I tried reading books by candlelight and kerosene lamp. It was hard on the eyes. It was like reading by a lava lamp.
Bad jokes department
The doctor diagnosed me as color blind. That news came out of the purple.
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas.
I never get tired of hearing jokes about insomnia.
Deer kill more people than sharks. It’s hard for deer to kill a shark.
I have an earworm that wanders around in my head. It’s “What’s New Pussycat?” and it’s called the Tom Jones syndrome. It’s not unusual.
I’ve learned
Sweet corn! Say no more.
Lutefisk is an excuse to drink butter.
I long for boring news.
The sun is a space heater.
Listen to the one who thinks the deepest, not the one who shouts the loudest.
Cigarettes are veggie wraps.
The word “Ohio” looks like a tractor.
You’re more likely to be called “Einstein” if you do something stupid than if you do something smart.
Nature notes
I walked after dark. I walked after light, too. The yard bombilates day and night—the insects make a humming or buzzing noise. Not everything comes to those who wait, but mosquitoes do. I enjoy the finer things in life—fireflies, shining stars come to Earth to keep us company.
Earlier, a sliver of blue as intense as a summer sky zoomed by—a blue jay off on its daily errands. It made me feel like a star witness. I employ a lot of bird feeders because they’re chirper by the dozen.
House wrens sang a hymn to a summer day. Their songs came from everywhere and from nowhere. Other voices joined—robin, common yellowthroat, American redstart, red-eyed vireo, indigo bunting and goldfinch. A catbird practiced his repertoire. Fledged orioles and their tuckered parents are a treat to watch and listen to.
Japanese beetles are beautiful botherations that feed on over 300 plant species. I’ve read that starlings are prime predators of adult beetles. Garter snakes and grackles were others mentioned. Japanese beetle white grubs feed on the roots of lawn grasses from June through the fall and skunks and raccoons tear up a lawn in pursuit of the grubs (crows eat grubs they find in those excavations) and chickens devour a few adults.
Meeting adjourned
If you can’t find a kind person, be one.