Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
If deer are color-blind, why do you wear orange clothing when you go hunting?
So I don’t get shot by another hunter.
Then why does your wife give you camouflage clothing for Christmas every year?
Driving by Bruce's drive
I have a wonderful neighbor, named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me, such as: The calendar moves at full gallop. Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” The calendar I got from the bank told me to get cracking on the shopping.
Inside a store, I listened to ringtones of marimbas and crickets as I shopped for candy. I listened to someone’s cellphone torturing a country song as I purchased candy. I bought candy for gifts because I know how to buy candy. I gave my father chocolate-covered cherry cordials every year. No one was tight-lipped on cellphones. The woman ahead of me in line said over her cellphone, “I bought some shoes like I always do.”
I felt a tinge of sadness as I thought of her spending all her days buying shoes. I purchased some oyster crackers, as they make great stocking stuffers.
A young man wore shorts and a T-shirt. Not proper attire for December in the Midwest. His T-shirt carried a message that read: “I have issues.” I nodded in agreement.
I heard a shopper say, “We’re going to need a bigger snow shovel.” He must have been a new resident to the area.
Pete Moeller of Fairmont invited my wife and me to her place for a pine float. That’s a toothpick in a glass of water.
Tales of a ding-a-ling
I was ringing the bells for the Salvation Army when I saw someone entering the supermarket who had just left it. I greeted her by telling her that it was good to see her again. She explained that she’d forgotten an ingredient for a dish she was preparing that evening and needed to get it.
A fellow overheard the conversation and said, “You’re lucky you live in a small town. I live in a big city. If I forget something, it’s too much of a hassle to go back. I go with Plan B.”
I returned to ringing enthusiastically with a bell with a small, light clapper inside to limit the sound, so as not to annoy the employees. I recall ringing for 12 hours from the same spot, only with a much louder bell. An annoying bell being rung by an annoying guy can be hard to take for 12 hours.
I was having a joyful time until I saw a shoplifter apprehended by policemen. It’ll be a bleak winter for someone. I’d witnessed such a thing before.
When I was a boy, I found it impossible to be glad and sad (bittersweet) at the same time. I no longer do. It’s another step on the journey, I reckon.
Nature notes
I stepped outside to look at the moon. It was dark otherwise and if that moon had been a musical instrument, it would have been blaring. The darkness caused me to think of the poet Tom Hennen’s book titled “Darkness Sticks to Everything.”
Weather keeps a mind sharp. A man has to think about what to wear. The north wind had blown in birds or the birds had dragged the north wind with them. The wind has to blow. It’s the only job it has. I’d driven most of the day, going here and there. I watched a bald eagle and a crow feeding on a roadkilled deer. The eagle fed on one side, the crow on the other as they enjoyed the holiday feast of venison. I traveled a windswept highway at dusk when I spotted a murder of crows readying to roost in evergreens used as a living snow fence. I’ve become more accustomed to seeing winter roosts of crows in cities. Crows flock because there is safety in numbers, but they could do that anywhere there are trees. A city serves them well for a number of reasons. No hunting, fewer great horned owls, artificial light that helps spot owls, large trees for roosting, ample food sources and the cities are warmer than rural areas. To a crow, living in the city during the winter is something to crow about.
Meeting adjourned
Oren Arnold wrote, "Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect."
Gifts come in all shapes and sizes. Give a kind word. Merry Christmas.