Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
You’ll never guess why my nephew Gnarly bought his house.
For the spiral staircase?
It doesn't have one.
The price?
No.
The taxes?
Nope.
The school?
I say nay.
I give up. Why did he buy the house?
The cellphone reception there is excellent.
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: Many great historical events have happened next door to souvenir shops.
The cafe chronicles
A study found that the average American eats food from a restaurant 191 times per year and much of that is takeout.
This was one of those times. Sans takeout.
The gentlemen seated around the table of infinite knowledge offered more snoose and commentary than news and commentary. Few of them knew that a suntan could extend above the elbow. The table is an odd place where a man finds glee in meeting his deductible.
When you greeted one, he took it from there. He was generous with his conversations. He said that the seasons are getting farther together. I know what he meant. I think. His wife, who he considered an important part of his marriage, was mad at him because he’d mistaken the gravy for a bowl of soup and had eaten it all. He shared the tale of his late bachelor uncle who had lived and worked in Chicago. He was paid after work on Saturdays. Every payday, on his way home, he stopped to buy two cigars for a nickel, a quart of beer and a hunk of Limburger cheese. He took the goodies home and enjoyed them in his room. This habit might have been the reason he remained unmarried.
"There aren’t any salt and pepper shakers on the table," complained one loafer.
"We don’t have any salt and pepper shakers," replied the waitress. "We have salt and pepper holders. You have to do your own shaking."
First Communion
Friends suffered a devastating house fire. The good news was that everyone escaped uninjured. This calamity caused me to want to ask this question. Other than living things, what would you grab first if your house were on fire?
I attended my granddaughter Hadley's first Communion recently. The little lady was lovely in her 42-year-old dress. The same dress had been worn by her sister, her cousins, her aunts and her mother for their first Communions. There might be someone in that family who’d save that dress forthwith in case of a fire.
I looked at this beautiful child and was mystified how she could have reached her age so quickly. Then Hadley asked me, "What do you call a rabbit with lice?" Her answer, "Bugs Bunny." I felt better.
Hadley enjoyed the entire celebration. She was flawless and not unhappy to receive gifts for doing her part. She can’t wait to see what she’ll get for her second Communion.
Annie and her main squeeze
He was told by his grandmother to never fall in love with a woman who spits or whistles, particularly on a day when there was a funeral in town. This made him overly cautious when it came to romance, even though he liked whistling. Despite this, he did fall in stride with Annie. As far as he knew, she was a non-whistling non-spitter.
Each week, he took Annie to a movie. They had several movie theaters to select from. She picked the film one week, he chose what they'd see the next.
One night, the weather was so pleasant as they left the theater that they walked a bit slower than normal. Winter had hurried their passages to his car and they enjoyed a leisurely stroll. They had been pleased with the movie. By the time it had begun showing at the little theater, it had already become a classic everywhere else.
"We’ve been going together for a long time," said Annie, attempting to match his stride. "It’s been 20 years."
"I do believe you’re right."
"Neither of us is getting any younger," added Annie.
"I can’t argue with you there."
"Don’t you think we should consider getting married?" asked Annie.
"Probably, but who would have us?"
Nature notes
Mallard pairs form long before the spring breeding season. Pairing takes place in the fall, but courtship can be seen in winter. Only the female incubates the eggs and cares for the ducklings.
Meeting adjourned
Be kind. There are people who would love to have your bad days.