Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
I fall asleep while watching TV.
Big deal. Everybody does that.
While walking by a TV in a store?
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: today is one of those days when it’s too easy to make a missteak.
The cafe chronicles
A group of men sat at the table, each a farmer emeritus. One said, "I’m so old and weak that I can barely lift this cup of coffee." A second added, "My cataracts are so bad I can hardly see my coffee cup." A third volunteered, "I had trouble voting because of my arthritic hands." A Pioneer-capped fellow yelled, "What? Speak up! I can’t hear you!" Another coffee drinker said, "I can’t turn my head to follow the conversation because of my chronically stiff neck." Another exclaimed, "My blood pressure pills make me dizzy." A man admitted, "I forget where I am and where I’m going." "I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old," winced the oldest, shaking his head slowly, "but we should count our blessings. Thank goodness we can all still drive here every morning."
Digging the day
We were digging a hole. My father’s side of the hole was much deeper than mine. He must have been using a bigger spade. As I shoveled, I whistled the theme to "The Great Escape." I don’t believe it was a secret tunnel, but I forget whether we were burying something or digging something up. My father grumbled a bit about my output.
"Are you saying that I'm the kind of guy who doesn't do his share of the work?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, refusing to kindly beat around the bush.
Halloween in the rearview mirror
My granddaughter Hadley, a second grader, told me that she’d gone to a haunted house for Halloween. I asked her if it had been a scary place.
"No," she laughed.
"Did you cry?" I asked.
"Yes."
Peripatetic
I was getting a hotel room. I'd stayed there before. They offered a continental breakfast, but it was a cooked continental breakfast.
The hotel clerk asked if I wanted a smoking or non-smoking room.
"I don't smoke," I replied.
She said, "Not a problem."
I was relieved to hear that.
It reminded me of the time I’d stopped at a convenience store that was located so far from most people that it was a convenience to only a few. I was surprised with how much bread was offered on the shelves. As I checked out, I said to the manager, "You must sell a lot of bread here."
"Not really," he said, "but the guy who sells me bread, he sells a lot of bread."
In grief, an appreciation
As a boy, I listened to my father's music. He favored cowboys who sang forlornly while making their guitars cry. There was no uncontrolled sobbing, but they sang of heartache. I know heartache. Most of us do. My sister Georgianna died. She was a remarkable person who made my world a better place. I was lucky to have her as a sister and miss her dearly.
Customer comments
Pat Brey of New Richland wrote, "I was sitting in husband Ron's office and mentioned a bird outside his window. We looked at it. It was mostly white with gray on its wings. 'Do you know what bird it is, Ron?' He said, 'Maybe a sparrow.' I said, 'Sparrows have brown on their wings, don't they?' Ron said, 'Who do you think I am, Al Batt?'"
Jeff Montgomery of Alexandria said that his son played soccer, but never gave 100 percent on the field because he wanted to save himself for the buffet after the game.
Mike Veeck, owner of the St. Paul Saints baseball team, said that one board of directors voted for his dismissal from a job by a 12 to 0 vote. What really hurt was that his mother was on that board.
Talking with the Holstein
The Holstein is a retired dairy cow, so she has time to talk. I asked for her thoughts on deer hunting.
The Holstein chewed her cud thoughtfully before saying, "I can’t believe that deer don’t understand that pumpkins with legs are hunters."
Nature notes
Bald eagle mortality is highest during its first year of life — as high as 72 percent within one year of fledging. About 10 percent survive five years.
Meeting adjourned
May everyone be as kind to you as you are to them.