Echoes from the Loafers’ Club meeting
“What are you doing with that snow shovel?”
“I’m going to shovel the driveway.”
“It’s June!”
“I know, but I want to get an early start.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: age speeds up the slowing down process.
Things I’ve learned
1. Closed minds often come with open mouths.
2. Envy is counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.
3. That I’d better concentrate when I eat a jelly doughnut.
You’re getting older
1. If the bank gives you a free calendar one month at a time.
2. If you talk to yourself and then have to ask what you just said because you weren’t listening.
3. If you finally get it all together, but you can’t remember where you put it.
Scenes from a marriage
We were enjoying a glass of wine in our home.
“I love you,” said my wife.
“I love you, too,” I said in response, “but is that you or the wine talking?”
My wife turned to me and said, “It’s me talking to the wine.”
Killer
I met Harmon Killebrew when I was a whippersnapper. I was a Luther Leaguer at Met Stadium. Harmon shook the hand of everyone in my group. I called him Killer as he shook my hand. It was my failed attempt to be cool. Harmon was our guy. We liked the Minnesota Twins even though we thought the name “Twins” was dumb. The Twins could be trailing 19-3 in the bottom of the ninth inning, Harmon would be the fifth batter, and we’d stay in the outfield stands just in case Harmon batted again. Harmon not only hit towering home runs, he hit majestic pop flies to the second baseman. He was our hero. When Harmon hit the ball, it made a unique sound. I was fortunate enough to encounter Harmon later in life. He was a nice man.
Only in a small town
The phone rang. I answered it with a, “Good morning,” not giving my name or phone number.
“Oh, hi, Al,” said the voice on the other end of the line — if we still have lines. “I’m sorry, I dialed the wrong number.”
Change isn’t easy but it is constant
My hometown has no large shopping malls or towering office buildings. Growing up, I considered my hometown a place where nothing ever changed. I didn’t expect the unexpected. There was no point. At least that’s what I thought. Now as I see my hometown with experienced eyes, I’m amazed at how much it has changed and how it continues to adjust. I have experienced nothing but change in my life. That is true of everyone.
Life is a picnic
I love eating outdoors. I enjoy picnics. When you eat food in the midst of bugs and birds, you get your food with everything. I don’t even mind being bitten by mosquitoes so big that they beep when they back up. When the skeeters bite me as I pass the chicken and ham, it puts me on both ends of the food chain.
Odd behavior
I was looking for a house. It was a night that was darker than the inside of a pants pocket. The house numbers were difficult to see. I drove slowly, peering into the darkness. Having no success, I turned the car radio down. I hoped the quiet would improve my vision.
Nature notes
On spring nights, primitive aircraft crash against our window screens. These are May beetles or June bugs. Brown, about an inch long, these scarab beetles make a sound like a bumblebee when flying. The beetles have strong front legs that they use to burrow underground until emerging at night. They are attracted to the windows by lights. June bug larvae are common in lawns and gardens. The grub eats plants underground and takes three years to become an adult.
Each female cottontail rabbit is capable of producing 35 young in a year. The mother seems like an inattentive parent as she is seldom near her babies. That is because she doesn’t want to draw attention to the bunnies. They are nursed at dusk and again before dawn. Young rabbits grow extremely fast and by the end of the second week, they begin to leave the nest and feed on green plants. Research has shown that less than 40 percent of the young rabbits live beyond a month.
Meeting adjourned
Be kind. People will remember that about you.