Echoes From the Loafers’ Club Meeting
"I can't go outside. It's raining."
"You brought an umbrella. Use it."
"That wouldn't help. My umbrella is full of holes."
"Then why did you bring it?"
"I didn't think it would rain."
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: never judge an automobile by the sound of its horn.
I’ve learned
• Buying a toilet plunger is rarely an impulse purchase.
• If you want to hear a grandmother cuss like a sailor, go to a casino.
• You are never too old to learn something that is incorrect.
That time of the year
Halloween is over and daylight saving time has ended.
I fell back. I devoted the fall-back hour I’d gained over the weekend to reset the endless supply of timepieces that live with me.
It’s a bewitching time of the year. Magic tractors turn into fields.
A friend went as a big ceiling fan this Halloween. Yay, ceilings.
One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" of movie fame. He was attired in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Not long after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more.
"Aren't you the same Rocky who left my doorstep 20 minutes ago?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back four more times tonight."
I hope that no Halloween candy comes back to haunt you.
Those thrilling days of yesteryear
We were fond of telling anyone who asked where we lived, how far we were from the nearest tarred road. I remember a fellow who told everyone that he lived one cigarette from town.
There is such a thing as time travel, it's called a memory. When I became a teenager, I dated in cars lacking seatbelts. I made SOB (Slide Over Baby) corners. They were made sharply.
Church basements
My wife and I attended a soup and pie supper at Concordia Lutheran Church. It might be the Concordia Lutheran Church that you are familiar with or it might be a different Concordia Lutheran Church. I love soups and pies and I love church basements. It was nice to be in a church basement for something other than a meal connected to obsequies. After enjoying a delightful repast, I was greeted by an old schoolmate, Mark Sorenson of Wyoming. I hadn’t seen Mark for years and it was great seeing him again. Church basements quickly fill stomachs and memories.
Gainfully employed
One in the family has a part-time job at Hy-Vee. Hy-Vee has a longtime advertising slogan, "Where there's a helpful smile in every aisle". Al Weisert, manager of the Hy-Vee store in Albert Lea added, "And a smirk on every clerk."
A confabulation of farmers
My father said that if there really was such a thing as reincarnation, he wanted to come back as an Allis-Chalmers, because an Allis-Chalmers never dies.
Someone asked Jerry Heideman of Hartland, "Are you done picking corn?"
Jerry, who is retired, answered, "I finished five years ago."
Jerry told me, "Now I just drive by to see what field they are on."
I’ve been reading
Bill Bryson’s "Made in America:" "During the war years, America had just nine television stations in five cities — New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, and Schenectady — and just 7,000 sets on which to watch the meager programming available. In the autumn of 1944, for instance, on Wednesday and Saturday nights there was no television at all in America. On Thursdays only CBS was on the air, with 15 minutes of news followed by an hour of local programming and a half-hour show called Missus Goes A-shopping. On Sundays the American viewer could watch DuMont Labs' Thrills and Chills followed by Irwin Shane's Television Workshop, or nothing. With the end of the war, American TV was unleashed at last. By 1947 the number of television sets in American homes had soared to 170,000. In that same year a program called Puppet Television Theater made its debut. A year later it was renamed Howdy Doody and television had its first hit."
Nature notes
Marion Poellot of Red Wing asked how to distinguish house finches from purple finches. Here are a couple of simple things to look for. The female purple finch has a bold white eyebrow and a dark throat stripe. A purple finch male exhibits extensive red on the head and back.
Meeting adjourned
A little kindness not only goes a long way, it goes the right way.