Echoes From the Loafers’ Club Meeting
"Guess what I did this weekend."
"Nothing."
"Lucky guess."
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: why does the windshield wiper on the driver’s side of a car always wear out first?
The news from Hartland
• Old MacDonald quits eating breakfast due to excessive mooing, oinking, and clucking.
• Skunk wins local smelling bee.
• Sheriff Hank Uft says that 50 isn’t the new 30 when it comes to speed limits.
Ask Al
• "Why do birds fly into windows?" Because there is no "Windows for Dummies" book for our avian friends.
• "How can we prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Don't bite any insects.
• "I saw a cow with a bell around her neck. What’s the purpose?" To keep her from eating birds.
Questions for you
• When do you switch from wearing short-sleeved to long-sleeved shirts?
• Do you say "caramel" or "carmel"?
• Who is your favorite Rocky — The Flying Squirrel, Balboa, Marciano, Colavito, or Horror Picture Show?
Cafe chronicles
• I was enjoying a reflective meatloaf commercial. It was like a beef commercial only with meatloaf. What was most important is that it had mashed potatoes and gravy. And that it wasn’t swill.
• I recalled a sign I saw in Alaska, "Steve's Road Kill Cafe... you kill it, we grill it."
• The sign in the bathroom read, "Employees must wash hands." I’m not one to complain, but no employee washed my hands. I had to wash my own.
I signed his cast "Ouch!"
My four-year-old grandson broke his arm. He did so while playing football. He probably shouldn’t have been playing, but the Minnesota Vikings needed him. Christian Ponder will replace him at quarterback.
When I was a wee lad and anything said to me was a word to the whys, my mother told me often to wash behind my ears. I wondered and asked why. I couldn’t look behind my ears and didn’t notice anyone other than my mother looking around back there. I found it easier just to hold my hands over the back of my ears as I walked amongst adults.
Wasting hours without taking minutes
I was at a large meeting. The vast room alternated between being too cold and too hot. The speakers might have been in another ZIP code. The presenters passed out pencils and paper to the audience members so that we could write down any questions we might have. My question was "Do I get to keep this pencil?"
Did you know?
• There is a Chinese law that requires children to care for their elderly parents, including regular visits and phone calls.
• Mount McKinley, the tallest mountain in the US, has gotten shorter. It’s now measured at 20,237 instead of 20,320 feet.
• The 2013 Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival held at the Iowa State Fairgrounds sold out of its 8,000 tickets ($25 each) in about 3 minutes.
• Alcatraz closed in 1963 for financial reasons.
• The percentage of households with a computer jumped from 21 percent to 78 percent from 1992 to 2011. Landline telephones fell from 96 percent to a 71 percent share over that same period.
• Mr. Potato Head was the first toy ever advertised on TV, in 1952.
• The Chatty Cathy doll was popular in the 1960s. A string on her back was pulled, and Chatty Cathy said one of 11 things: I love you. Do you love me? Please brush my hair. What can we do now? Please change my dress. Give me a kiss. I'm so tired. Let’s have a party. Please take me with you. Let’s play school. May I have a cookie?
• The Lumper is a varietal white potato whose widespread cultivation throughout Ireland was implicated in the Irish potato famine. Blight destroyed one-third of Ireland’s potato crop in 1845 and almost all of it in 1846.
• According to the American Dental Association, the average person produces over 6,000 gallons of saliva in a lifetime.
Hummingmoths
Rose Hood of Albert Lea asked about insects that look like hummingbirds. They look, fly, and feed like hummingbirds, but are smaller. They are white-lined sphinx moths that hover over flowers. The moth has a proboscis, a flexible tube that resembles a beak. This moth has a white line extending the length of its front wing and a rosy-colored stripe across the rear wing. Its brown body tapers to a point at each end and has dark bands across its abdomen.
Meeting adjourned
If you are going to be caught doing something, be caught doing something kind.