Echoes from the Loafers’ Club Meeting
“You’re late.”
“The goat ate my alarm clock.”
“You don’t have a goat.”
“I know. I had to borrow the neighbor’s goat.”
Driving by the Bruces
I have two wonderful neighbors — both named Bruce — who live across the road from each other. Whenever I pass their driveways, thoughts occur to me, such as: if you expect to save at all, do it when your income is small.
Things I’ve learned
1. To keep several get well cards on my desk. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think I've been sick and unable to clean.
2. Words that soak in are whispered, not yelled.
3. Children of my generation had survival instincts that allowed them to find the one spot in each moving car that fathers couldn’t reach.
Café chronicles
The fellow told me that he puts sugar in his coffee but he doesn’t stir the mixture. He likes the sweetness at the end. He said that sugary concoction helped him run the marathon that he started.
“Started?” I wondered aloud.
“I ran for a couple of miles and I found myself securely in last place,” he said. “The guy just ahead of me was taunting me. Saying things like, ‘How does it feel to be last?’ I let him know. I dropped out.”
Those thrilling days of yesteryear
It was a cold, winter day. I was doing some work outdoors for my mother.
When I came inside, my mother rose from her chair and said, “Sit down here, I warmed your chair for you.”
Bath
I live near the city of Bath. You won’t find it on a map unless you have an exceptional and ancient map. Bath is smaller than it has ever been. The population is zero. The sign reads, “Welcome to Bath. Beware of dog.” Bath is a drive-by community that cannot claim even two streets (Main Street and Non-Main Street). The only part of the once thriving city that grows is the cemetery. In Bath, there are more skeletons below ground than in the closet. A reminder, persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves. Bath rules.
At Lake Inferior
The man had been fishing all day. He enjoyed his time along the lake. He had some good luck, but there was a man staring at him. That took his mind off his fishing and was beginning to irk him.
“Hey, pal! You've been standing there watching me fish for over three hours! Why don't you get a rod and reel, buy yourself a license, and do some fishing yourself?”
“No, thanks. I don't have the patience for it.”
The bumper sticker read
Stop honking. I’m on the phone.
Lent
I would like to give up snow for Lent. I tried to give up milking cows for Lent one year. My father countered with an offer to give up feeding and housing me. I continued to milk the Holsteins. A woman from Alexandria told me that she gave up fishing from a boat and eating watermelon for Lent.
Nature notes
“Is an owl able to turn its head all the way around?” When I was a boy, a neighbor told me that if I circled a tree with an owl in it, the owl would keep an eye on me and wring its own neck. Owls cannot turn their heads all the way around. Most sources claim an owl is able to turn its head approximately 270 degrees. This, combined with rapid head movement, gives the illusion that an owl has turned its head all the way around. Owls can’t move their eyes back and forth or up and down without moving their heads. This gives an owl a battery-powered appearance. An owl can move its head so freely because its neck has 14 vertebrae, which is twice as many as humans have. I still circle the trees. I do it for the exercise.
“How did the monarch butterfly get its name?” It is believed that the butterfly was named after King William, Prince of Orange, stateholder of Holland, and King of England. The monarch’s color suggested the name. Some people call the butterfly by a nickname, King Billy. It takes four monarch butterflies to weigh as much as a dime and about 900 of them to make a pound.
“What is a BBRP?” It may sound like a burp, but it is not. It’s bluebirds. To find out more information about the BBRP Expo, go to www.bbrp.org.
Meeting adjourned
Willie Davis wrote, “If you step on people in this life, you're going to come back as a cockroach.” Be kind.